


How to Get Your Revenge

by sinivalkoista



Series: Modern Police AU [2]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: (sort of), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Amputation, Astrid thinks she's fighting Camicazi for Hiccup, BAMF Astrid Hofferson, BAMF Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Bad Movie References Galore, Bombs, Comedy, Crime Fighting, F/M, Fights, Half-Dragon Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and Snotlout Jorgenson are Cousins, Jealous Astrid Hofferson, Jealousy, Organized Crime, Pain, Romantic Fluff, Secret Identity, Vigilantism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 46,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinivalkoista/pseuds/sinivalkoista
Summary: The Night Fury, New Berk City's resident superhero, and Astrid are back - along with a mysterious nemesis who will stop at nothing to get revenge. How does she know Hiccup? And is Hiccup being stolen from Astrid?Also known as another horrible fanfiction I wrote when I was fourteen and am posting for sentimental reasons.
Relationships: Gobber the Belch & Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Stoick the Vast, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Series: Modern Police AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003656
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another horrible fic I wrote when I was fourteen. Second chapter is a sadder version I wrote of the story, starting at a random place in one of the chapters.

**Prologue**

The rubble shifts as its hidden captive fights from below. Eventually, an old lady, or to be more descriptive, an old witch, breaks free from her prison. Her eyes are bloodshot and her white hair is brittle and dry. Her skin would best be described as rotten tissue. In all, she looks like a spitting image of the Queen of Helheim herself.

“I'll learn you!” she screams into the stale air. “I'll learn you, Hiccup Haddock the Third, if its the last thing I do!” Her tirade is broken by a bought of coughing. Blood drips down from her nose.

“Loser! Alvin, you loser!” she shrieks when fit ends. She holds a claw of a hand under her nose. Her son, her Alvin, is dead!

“I'll get you, Haddock boy, just like I got your mother,” she vows, spitting on the ground. As she skitters away, she kicks the mountainous carcass of what used to be her son. She doesn't look back or stop to grieve. 

And why should she? After all, Alvin did the same thing to her.

**1: It'll Be Fun, They Said**

“No.” Hiccup Haddock's voice was flat and offered no room for argument, but his best friend Astrid Hofferson wasn't going to drop the matter. She didn't back down from a challenge.

“Why not? We could find a black mask and draw dragon scales on it! BAM!” She slammed her fist against the cafe table, causing everyone in the cafe to jump at the violent sound. “A Night Fury costume! It'll be fun!”

Hiccup frowned. “You think that dressing up as the Night Fury – who, if you haven't forgotten, is actually me in secret – and going to a masquerade party is going to be  _ fun?!” _

“Yeah!” Astrid exclaimed enthusiastically. “No one would guess! It would be hilarious!”

She grinned at Hiccup. They were both sitting in a booth, nursing cups of coffee like the addicts they were and evading the cold outside. Recently, Astrid had moved back into her own house since the demise of the criminal organization N.E.S.T., and it was just in time for she had been about to go crazy with her former roommate Ruffnut's antics. Now, she was celebrating her freedom.

Hiccup shifted, swinging his one good leg. He had lost his left knee down after fighting almost to the death with N.E.S.T.'s crime overlord, Alvin the Treacherous.

“It's not exactly hard to hide who I am when I'm practically the only shrimp bone in town with with a missing leg, Astrid! Don't you see a problem here?”

“Yeah. Speaking of which, why hasn't your prosthetic come in yet?” Astrid asked. 

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Oh, you should hear the excuses I get from the manufacturing company. 'The blueprints you gave us are too hard to read, Mr. Haddock. We can't find the metal you requested, Mr. Haddock. The machines need repaired and oiled, Mr. Haddock.' Oh, never mind little ole me! I just love hopping around on one foot! Take your time!”

Astrid laughed, for Hiccup had pulled out his famous mimicking. “Okay, so just come to the party without a costume! Or at  _ least  _ wear a cape and mask. Pretty, please?” She threw on her best puppy eyes. If those didn't work, she could always resort to using threats. Hiccup needed to get out and quit being dependent on people to drag him to social events.

Hiccup sighed. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Astrid cheered, happy at her success. She drained the rest of her coffee cup and looked morosely at the sludge at the bottom. She was too lazy to get up and ask the bored barista for a refill. She sighed, but for different reasons than Hiccup had. 

“You could just get up,” Hiccup told her, understanding her self-made dilemma.

“Eh. It's not worth the energy.” 

Toothless, Hiccup's Border Collie and temporary service dog, whined, butted his head against Hiccup's good leg, and gave Astrid a pair of the puppy eyes that put hers to shame.

“Dumb dog.” Astrid sulked. “Oh, by the way, I've been meaning to ask you something. My house is feeling kinda big, so I was wondering if you knew any girls who might want to room with me. The house is paid for, so rent wouldn't be a problem. And I don't want someone crazy. Someone quiet and pleasant.” Hopefully Hiccup's version of “quiet and pleasant” didn't wield an ax. 

“Hmm. I know one person I could ask for you. She's actually just been hired to the police force and we used to go to the same high school.”

“Thanks.”

Hiccup checked the watch on his wrist. “Well, I've got to get going. My dad and I are having dinner together at some prevalent restaurant.” He grabbed his crutches, which were propped up against the cushion of the seat, and eased himself to his feet. He waited a second to make sure he had his balance.

“You're not driving yourself,” Astrid told him, getting up as well.

“I can walk to a restaurant perfectly fine on my own,” he complained. 

“Not with one foot! I'll drive you.”

“Who said _ I _ couldn't drive with the one I have?”

“Two reasons: One, it's your non-dominant foot. Two, you walked here and I drove here in my car, and I am certainly  _ not  _ letting you touch my baby.”

Hiccup snickered. “Your baby? That thing's a heap of junk, Astrid. I don't want to drive that death trap anyway.”

Astrid reddened. “Apologize! It's  _ my  _ heap of junk. And that's why I'll be the one driving, thank you very much.”

“Fine. Lead the way, my royal chauffeur.” Hiccup pointed at the door with his crutch. Astrid, with as much dignity as she could muster, picked up her car keys and opened the cafe's door. She held it for Hiccup and Toothless before following herself.

“Boys before brains,” she said, getting her sweet revenge and opening the car door for Hiccup. He grimaced and sunk into the cracked leather seat. Toothless bounded into his lap and pushed his way to the back seat. Slamming his door shut, Astrid made her way over to the driver's seat, cranked the car engine, and backed out of the parking space.

“You know, I need to make up a nickname for you.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “Really? Why? I thought Astrid was a pretty good name.”

“You keep calling me Dragon Boy, that's why! I need something annoying to call you. How about... Naddy?”

Astrid glared at him in the rear view mirror. “Naddy?”

“You live on Nadder Lane, don't you?”

“Keep thinking.”

The rest of the ride was spent with Hiccup suggesting ridiculous names and Astrid vetoing all of them. She helped him out of the car when they reached the restaurant.

“Wow,” she whistled, gazing up at the electric sign. The place was top of the line and certainly expensive. The shrimp probably cost more than her house.

Hiccup scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know, it's a little overkill. I guess Dad still feels guilty even though I've told him that he's forgiven a thousand times.”

“Well, don't keep him waiting.” Astrid watched him walk into the eatery before getting back in her car. “And now to find a cape.”

…

“I'm probably going to trip over it and make a fool out of myself.” Hiccup twirled around in an office chair stolen from Ruffnut's empty desk, yet to be occupied by a new owner. Astrid's second best friend had transferred over to the police force's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosive Agents to join her twin, Tuffnut. Astrid wasn't sure if she was sad or relieved to see her friend go. The twins had a habit of blowing things up every other week.

“You will,” Snotlout, his cousin, unhelpfully agreed.

“You won't,” Astrid assured Hiccup and glared at Snotlout, who was dressed in a Spanish bull fighting costume. They were carpooling to the masquerade party together, using the office as a pit stop. People around them were packing up for the weekend and calling their well-weekend wishes to each other.

“That's easy for you to say. You're going as a Valkyrie! I'm going as a dumb guy in a cape,” Hiccup whined.

Astrid shifted in her plastic armor, trying to get a shoulder strap at the right length. “You're the one who didn't want to dress up,” she reminded him. “And here's a mask. It's better than the one you had as the Night Fury.”

Hiccup sighed glumly and slid the black party mask over his head. “Might as well get this over with.” 

Ruffnut was hosting the party at her house. When the trio arrived, the street and driveway were crammed with cars in as much the same condition as Astrid's. The lights and laughter were streaming from the house. Astrid hoped Ruffnut had remembered to clean up. The last time Astrid had been in her place, the couch had needed to be burned and Disney movies took up fifty percent of the room.

“Hola, mi amigos! Welcome to my abode!” Ruffnut greeted them at the door, decked out in full Viking war paint and a horned helmet. Her voice gave away her identity. “Like my outfit?” She stepped aside so they could enter and shut the door behind them. Astrid took their coats and hung them up on the crowded peg by the door. She cautiously peered into the living room.

Oh, good, Astrid thought. Ruffnut  _ had  _ cleaned up. She had reduced the amount of movies in the room, rearranged the furniture, and vacuumed the carpet.

“...technically,” Hiccup was saying, “the historic  _ Scandinavians  _ didn't wear horned helmets, nor did the Vikings.”

“How's that even relevant? There's no difference,” Snotlout droned.

“The Vikings were the ones who actually went out and raided,” Hiccup explained.

“Nerd.” Snotlout rolled his eyes at him, but the comment was without the usual bite. 

“So how are you and Tuffnut doing in your new department?” Astrid asked Ruffnut.

“Oh, it's just wonderful!” Ruffnut gushed, jubilant. “We can blow things up and no one complains! Do you guys want any drinks?” There was a punch bowl and several bags of chips on Ruffnut's kitchen bar. People in costumes were milling about the living room and kitchen, talking and laughing.

Hiccup scrapped the bottom of his crutch against the floor and bit the inside of his cheek. “Uh, I don't drink.” 

Snotlout snickered.

“Don't worry,” Astrid broke in. “It's non-alcoholic. None of us around here think getting drunk is cool. It's just plain stupid and a waste of brain cells.” 

Hiccup looked relieved. “Okay, then. Fill 'er up.”

Ruffnut waltzed over to the counter, Hiccup, Snotlout, and Astrid following at a much slower pace. Ruffnut grabbed a plastic cup and wrote HICCUP H. HADDOCK in big letters on it with a permanent marker.

“What's your middle name?” Astrid asked curiously as Hiccup took a sip. “And how did Ruffnut find out about it?”

He grimaced. “Oh, you don't want to know. It's Horrendous.”

Snotlout laughed as if Hiccup had said the funniest thing in the world. “Ruffnut probably swiped some files and read it off them or something.” 

Well, if Hiccup didn't want to tell her his middle name, she wasn't going to press him. “Want to meet everyone else, Hiccup?” Astrid asked. “I think Fishlegs is here.” 

“Sure.” Hiccup set his half-drunk cup on the counter. It was easy to find Fishlegs, who was dressed in a Batman costume. Even by Vikings standards, he was bigger than average. 

“Hello!” Fishlegs greeted them. “I'm glad to see you're up and about! I've got to tell you, busting you out of jail was-” Astrid elbowed him hard in the ribs. So far, Chief of Police Stoick, Hiccup's dad, had managed to keep their little jail break a secret from those higher up. Astrid wasn't going to let that streak end tonight.

Everyone in the group shook hands.

“We were talking about our favorite high school memories,” a girl standing by Fishlegs and dressed in a Roman toga informed them. “What school did you graduate from, Cape Man?”

Hiccup muttered something about stupid nicknames under his breath. “Berk High School.”

She appraised him dubiously. “Berk High? I don't remember you at all.”

Hiccup sighed. “That's because I graduated when I was fifteen.”

“That's awesome!” Fishlegs gushed. “I wanted to graduate early, but the stress was just too much. I think Astrid graduated early, didn't you?”

“Yep, one year. Loved police detective training after that.”

“How exciting! I've heard that you actually get tased in police training,” the unnamed girl broke in. 

“Yeah.” Astrid almost shuddered. “They tase you so you get a significant taste of what it's like. That way you'll think twice before doing it to someone else.” Snotlout had disappeared. Astrid caught sight of him talking with a girl in an English Queen costume.

“What's it feel like?” the toga girl asked.

“It felt like a cold wave went through my body, followed by numbness.”

Fishlegs and Hiccup nodded in agreement. Astrid couldn't remember if Snotlout had actually completed the course, but before she could ask, a choking sound filled the air.

A girl by the kitchen bar was leaning over and gasping for air, her own hands around her throat. “Can't...breathe...” she wheezed. Her face was slowly turning a shade of blue-green.

While the rest of the room stood there in shock, Astrid raced over. She wrapped her arms around the girl's stomach and did the Heimlich maneuver. Half a minute later, punch spilled out onto the kitchen floor as the girl threw up. 

“Someone call nine-one-one!” Astrid yelled. Another competent person rushed to do her bidding. The girl continued to throw up until the paramedics arrived and rushed her into the ambulance.

Hiccup carefully bent down and picked up the cup the girl had dropped. Most of the punch had spilled out, but there was still a fair amount in the bottom.

“Poison,” Hiccup announced, sniffing it. “Someone deliberately put poison in the cup.”

“Why would someone want to poison Shelley?” someone asked. “She doesn't have any enemies.”

“Maybe not Shelley,” Astrid said, grabbing the cup and turning it clockwise, “but maybe Hiccup.”

Written in bold letters across the plastic cup were the words “HICCUP H. HADDOCK”.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**2: Figuring and Figures**

“Why would anyone want to kill me?” Hiccup wondered aloud.

Hiccup, Fishlegs, Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Astrid all sat around Ruffnut's kitchen table. The tragic event of the night had killed the mood. After the vomit had been cleaned up and word had come from the hospital that Shelley was going to live, everyone else had gone home.

Fishlegs frowned. “Yeah. It's not like you've done anything to make anyone mad.”

Astrid took a sip of leftover punch. “Let's not forget that he took down N.E.S.T. If anyone escaped from the roundup, they might want to get revenge on him.”

“And,” Snotlout chimed in, “let's not forget that Hiccup is a superhero at night.”

“Well, so is Astrid! And most of you guys!” Hiccup protested. He had ditched the cape and the black mask and now his hair was spiked up in different directions.

“Yeah, we've stopped like, what? One convenience store hold up? Oh, and it was all thanks to your gadgets,” Tuffnut pointed out.

“You shouldn't go back to your own house. Whoever tried to poison you might try to finish off the job when they find out that they've failed.” Astrid started to drain her cup, thought better of it, and threw the remainder away. “I'm sorry your party got wrecked, Ruffnut.”

“Are you kidding?! This is the most excitement I've had at one of these shindigs yet!”

“Hey, Astrid! Sweetie! Want me to drive you home?” Snotlout asked, flexing his muscles. Despite his recent change of lifestyle, he was still an obnoxious flirt who believed the Snotlouts of the world were a superiority.

Astrid shot a glare at him that would have ignited wet logs. “No. Your car will be quite full since you're taking Hiccup home with you.”

“But-”

“No buts!”

…

A couple of nights later, Astrid was watching a rerun of  _ Columbo _ in her living room when her cellphone rang. The screen read “NF”. She had forgotten to change it to “Hiccup” since she now knew he was the Night Fury. 

“Hello?” she asked, turning down the television so that the crazed laughs of the caught murderer, caught by a simple technicality, couldn't be heard over the line.

“Uh, Astrid?” Hiccup's voice squeaked like it did when he was frightened. “C-could you come over here?”

“What for?” she demanded. “It's eleven o'clock at night, for the love of Loki.” A sudden thought struck her. “Toothless didn't get stuck in his dog door again, did he?” Two weeks ago, Hiccup had called her in a state of mild panic, begging for help, for such an emergency. 

“No. I think there's someone trying to break into my house,” he whispered. 

“WHAT?”

“I think-” Hiccup started to repeat.

“I heard you the first time. I'll be right over.” Hiccup was pretty decent at defending himself. After all, she had seen him scare away a whole yard of thugs  _ at one time.  _ But that was when he was a dragon and had both legs. Now, Astrid didn't even know if he could turn into the Night Fury.

She grabbed her coat, the gun that Hiccup had finally given back to her, and her car keys. Within minutes, she parked at the end of Hiccup's street and quietly stole her way across his front yard. She climbed over Hiccup's wooden backyard fence and hit the ground with a soft  _ oomph.  _ No lights were on in his house, which worried her. He was a notorious night owl and his house was usually lit up like New Berk City's square on New Year's Eve. Astrid held her gun straight in front of her. She was prepared to cock the hammer and fire at a moment's notice.

The need did not arise. No one was in the backyard. She glanced over and saw that the lock on Hiccup's shed was secure, so Astrid turned her attention to the back door, which was slightly cracked open.

Heart thumping, Astrid approached it, with weapon still held out in front of her. She nudged the wooden door open with her toe and cautiously stepped inside, ducking immediately as a large flying object whirled over her head. Since visibility was low, she prepared to fight back until Hiccup's voice stopped her.

“Oh! Sorry! I thought he came back.” Hiccup helped her to her feet. One of his crutches was on the ground. He must have thrown it at her.

“I almost shot you!” she scolded him, looking him up and down for any signs of injury. “Are you trying to send me to an early grave? What happened?” Astrid jammed her gun back into its holster with the safety on and handed him back his crutch. 

“Nice to know you care,” Hiccup quipped sarcastically. “Didn't want you to think you were an inferiority in the superhero department since no one's tried to kill you in a couple of weeks. Toothless bit the intruder in the hand and chased after him. Sorry I bothered you.”

“I was only watching television,” she begrudgingly admitted her availability. “Did you get a glimpse of who it was?”

“No,” Hiccup answered glumly. “It was too dark, and he wore a mask.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “Toothless hasn't come back yet.” His eyes clouded with worry. 

As if hearing his name, Toothless came trotting in the door, a scrap of fabric in his jaws. “Toothless!” Hiccup cried, sinking down to give the Border Collie a big hug. “You bad, bad dog!”

“What's this?” Astrid played tug-of-war with Toothless for the scrap of fabric. When she finally wrenched it free from his possession, sticky dog slobber covered it. “Eww. He must have ripped it from the burglar's shirt or something. No guy would ever wear lace, so it must have been a woman.”

Hiccup adamantly shook his head at the impracticality of her deduction. “Nope. They weren't wearing white.”

“You could have seen it incorrectly. After all, it was dark and you were afraid,” Astrid pointed out, annoyed at his lack of flexibility in understanding her reasoning.

“I'm positive, Astrid.” Hiccup sighed, apparently as tired as she was because he gave up the argument. “Oh, well. Sorry for calling you out here for nothing.”

“Yeah, that was a pretty rotten thing to do! I need my beauty sleep!” She punched him in the shoulder for emphasis. 

“Ow! Yeah, right! I thought you were watching TV!”

“Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” she inquired, getting serious.

“Yes. I'll call Snotlout and ask him if I can bunk at his house – again.” Hiccup was less than thrilled, and Astrid shuddered at the idea of what Snotlout's house might look like. Were all roommates imperfect?

“Get a good night's sleep, and Ruffnut and I will pick you up bright and early.” Since Ruffnut had transferred departments, Astrid had taken to carpooling to make sure her slightly irresponsible friend made it to work.

Astrid did not sleep well that night. She spent half of the wee hours tossing and turning, and the other half dreaming about ghostly figures in white lace attacking Hiccup. Around five o'clock in the morning, she decided that sleep was too much of a  liability  and got up to begin filling out her never-ending pile of paperwork.

After finishing twenty forms, she showered and threw everything in her bag. After dragging the kicking and screaming Ruffnut out of her house, they picked up Hiccup, whose tousled hair and grey expression testified that he hadn't gotten a drop of decent sleep either. At least Hiccup had a sense of punctuality.

“Why did you come by so  _ early?”  _ Ruffnut wailed from shotgun position as Astrid drove them all to work. “Do you know how long it takes to braid this hair?!”

“Quit whining. I'll tell you when we get there. You and Tuffnut can have some hair-braiding bonding time together later.”

Ruffnut gagged.

“Did you know your left door back here is held shut by duck tape?” Hiccup observed from the backseat. “That can't be safe. Has your car been inspected lately?”

Astrid glared at him in the rear view mirror. “Of course it's been inspected, and there's nothing wrong with it. My grandfather did the same thing!”

“Well, my grandfather smokes a pipe a day, but that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with that!”

“There's nothing wrong with it!”

They spent the rest of the ride bickering over the condition of Astrid's car, Ruffnut throwing in helpful comments like “Don't worry, Hiccup! It's as safe as a collapsing bridge!” “If I die before we get there, I want Venus fly traps on my coffin!” and “I'd rather stand on a tight rope over Niagara Falls during an earthquake than ride in this deathtrap.”

Somewhat annoyed, Astrid pulled the rest of the gang out of their offices and directed everyone into one of the Berk Police Department's meeting rooms.

“What do you need, Astrid?” Fishlegs asked, sitting in a chair and pulling out his laptop which he always brought to meetings such as this one..

“Good,” Astrid said, nodding at the electronic device, “you'll need to use that later. I'm glad you brought it.”

“What for? Can we get over the formalities so I can get back to my morning nap?” Snotlout kicked his feet up on the meeting room table. Thankfully, his sneakers were in almost prime condition, so no muck got on the table.

“Someone wants to either kill Hiccup, rob him, or at least get him out of the picture. Instead of waiting around trying to figure who's behind it, we're going to take the initiative and find them first.”

“And that means what, exactly?” Ruffnut droned, twirling a pencil around her fingers with expertise. 

Ignoring the question, Astrid continued, “Hiccup, do you know anybody who definitely hates you?”

“If we're not counting Mrs. McGinnis, the crazy cat lady who lives next door, then no,” he supplied. “Even though I'm in forensics, I've handled tons of 'normal' detective cases.”

“I was afraid of that,” she said glumly. Now they would have to go about things the hard way. It was a good thing that the only case she happened to be working on at the present involved a fake dog psychic. “All right, here's the game plan. We're all going to split up and go through the records of ALL of Hiccup's previous cases.”

“Do you want us to bring them back here?” Fishlegs asked. 

Snotlout, down at his end of the table, started doing weight lifting with a thick binder someone had left on the table.  _ “ALL of them? That _ will take  _ ages _ !” he complained, already working up a sweat.

Astrid gritted her teeth. “Yes, Snotlout,  _ all of them.  _ We can't use this room for a long period of time. Someone's bound to come in here at one point or another and ask what we're up to. I don't want things getting out.”

Hiccup cleared his throat. “Uh, I kinda forgot to mention it, but I found a new place for our nighttime activities' headquarters.” When the twins, Fishlegs, and Snotlout had learned that Astrid was joining Hiccup in his crime-fighting efforts, they all insisted on being initiated into the team. The team needed a place to meet and the old burned-out factory was no longer suitable to their needs.

During the whole conversation, Hiccup had been fiddling with two scraps of metal and a spring. Now, he shoved them into his pocket. “A guy I know owns a repair shop downtown. He's agreed to let me have the basement on the condition that I don't blow the place up.”

“Aww!” the twins chorused, disappointed. “What's the fun in that?”

“Great!” Astrid exclaimed. “What's its name?”

“Gobber's Fix It Up Shop.”

“Gobber's Fix It Up Shop?” Fishlegs drummed his fingers against his laptop, now closed. “It think I've heard of it.”

“Frankly, I'd be surprised if you  _ haven't  _ heard of it.” Hiccup grinned. “Gobber might even be louder than my dad!”

“Nope!” Snotlout declared. “When she's mad, Astrid has the loudest, the most – ARGH!” His sentence ended abruptly, having nothing to do with that fact that Astrid was twisting his arm at a weird angle.

“When I'm mad I have the loudest what?” Astrid asked sweetly. 

“Nothing!” Snotlout squeaked. 

“That's what I thought.” Astrid dropped his arm. “Everyone be at Gobber's place in a couple of hours. Hiccup, bring your case folders.” She headed towards the door, dismissing the meeting.

“Wait! Astrid!” Hiccup called after her as she walked down the hallway, his crutches clicking across the floor in his haste to catch up with her.

“What is it?” she asked, slowing her pace.

“I couldn't sleep last night, so I called the girl who might want to room with you.”

“Really? What's she like?” Astrid vaguely recalled the same sort of conversation about roommates happening in  _ A Study in Scarlet.  _ This was going to be interesting, she decided.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Hiccup intoned dramatically. “You'd have to meet her.”

“Oh. Well, when can I?”

As they entered the busy office room were their desks were, Hiccup smirked. “Now. She's been assigned to Ruffnut's old desk.”

“What?” It was true. A blonde with wild hair leaned back in the swivel chair that Ruffnut used to occupy, dangerously testing its mobility. All black clothing, combat boots, and fingerless gloves set off her “gangsta” look.

“Hiccup!” Ruffnut's desk's occupant greeted the redhead with a mock salute. “Whatcha been up to?”

“Nothing much, Camzi. This is Astrid.”

The blonde grinned and stuck out a fist for Astrid to bump without getting up from her lax position. “Nice to meet you, Astrid! Hiccup has told me all about you! My name is Camicazi Burglar, unless you're Hiccup and too lazy to say the whole thing. But you can call me ZE GREAT CAMICAZI!”

“Uh, I think I'll pass on the last one.” Astrid wasn't sure how she felt about the girl yet.

“Think about it,” Camicazi insisted. “You can always change your mind.”

“You might have to come to terms with your disappointment,” Astrid countered.

Camicazi sighed. “Oh, it was worth a try. Where am I going to live?”

Astrid bristled. “Nadder Lane. The neighbors are nice and the street's not too busy.”

“Fantastic!” Camicazi exclaimed.

Astrid wondered how Camicazi could love it so quickly when she hadn't even seen it. “So how did you and Hiccup meet? I've never heard of you, no offense.” Astrid was surprised to find an edge in her own voice.

“Dog training class thingy in high school for delinquent dogs. He helped me sneak into the school library when it was locked to get back a textbook the ex-librarian stole from me.”

Astrid rounded on Hiccup. “You  _ snuck into a library?” _

He looked sheepish and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, about that...”

“I knew the twins were a bad influence on you.”

“He got it from me,” Camicazi boasted. “I moved out of town right after that semester, so we haven't talked in  _ ages. _ Oh, and here's your watch back.” She dangled Astrid favorite watch that she had been wearing in between two fingers. 

“Wha-?” Astrid snatched the timepiece back. Now she could see where the other blonde got her last name! “How did you get this?” she demanded.

Hiccup laughed guiltily. “I forgot to mention. She has a habit of liberating things from people and then handing them back.” 

The police force hired a thief?

“By the way, did something happen last night?” Camicazi asked, twirling a pen around her fingers carelessly, with way more skill than Ruffnut. They were the nimble fingers of a pickpocket. “You seemed worried.”

“Someone broke into Hiccup's house last night,” Astrid said grimly, “and before that, they tried to kill him.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**3: Whom Have You Incarcerated Lately?**

Camicazi whistled appreciatively after hearing the story. “You're pretty brave, Hiccup – for a  _ boy,  _ of course. What can I do to help?”

Astrid opened her mouth to inform the legendary _Camzi_ that they had everything handled, but Hiccup beat her to the punch.

“You can help me carry files from my desk,” he practically  _ chirped. _

“Fantastic!” Camicazi beamed, righting her chair with a slam. “Let's go! Oh, and I'll swing by later to check your joint out before giving an answer, Astrid.”

“Check my joint out,” Astrid fumed as soon as they left, chatting gaily with each other. She turned to her own desk and violently flipped through her own files to see if any were connected to Hiccup. “Who does she think she is? I ought to press charges for theft.” Why hadn't Hiccup mentioned Camicazi to her before? From what Astrid had heard, they used to be best friends!

“Check my joint out,” she muttered, throwing files and her laptop into her messenger bag without looking at them. “The nerve of her!” There was no  vocabulary to describe how vexed Astrid was at the moment.

Gobber's Fix It Up Shop wasn't hard to find. A few hours later, when Astrid pulled into the parking lot, she was greeted with an extraordinary clamor of drills, hydraulic lifts, engines, and the beeps of machinery that would have set her teeth on edge if Camicazi hadn't already. 

“HELLO THERE, LASSIE!” A yellow-haired man with quite a few missing teeth and a Scottish voice  _ definitely _ louder than Stoick's welcomed her. He proudly displayed an interchangeable right-hand prosthetic as he hobbled over to her. “Was yer car in a crash?” 

“Huh?” Astrid shot a glance back at her vehicle, not seeing what he meant. “No! Why do people keep making comments about my car? I'm a friend of Hiccup's!”

“Ah! Hiccup! Fine lad he is! Does good work. He even made me arm and me leg! Everyone is waiting for ye in the basement.” Gobber pointed in the direction of a door with a comforting radioactive sign bolted into it. 

That was interesting. Astrid hadn't known that Hiccup made prosthesis for other people. “Thanks.”

“And would ye mind telling 'Iccup that the car in block C1 needs a  necessary rundown? He'll know what I mean.”

“Will do.” Astrid opened the door with a heavy tug. The Night Fury did love his gloomy dark stairways, for that was what awaited her. Undeterred, she plowed right on down the steps, turned a sharp left and was met with the sight of the new hideout. 

The room was less Stygian than the factory's basement. Work tables lined two and a half walls, and drawers and shelves abounded with all the supplies the master tinker needed. Above the shelves, the Night Fury's ever-present surveillance screens hung. Ten huge cubby holes were embedded into a blank wall, their owners not yet declared.

In the center of the room, plush couches surrounded a large circle coffee table. Like Sir Arthur and his knights, Astrid mused. 

“Nice digs,” Astrid commented to Hiccup. Stacks of files buried laptops on the coffee table. With pleasure, she noted that he was sitting on a couch  _ opposite  _ Camicazi. Astrid plopped down in between Snotlout and Tuffnut.

“Just how many people have you incarcerated lately, Hiccup?” Fishlegs asked in awe, staring at the skyscraper of files on the coffee table. He was a new recruit and didn't have the experience to have required such a repertoire. 

“Enough to make this job miserable,” Hiccup responded gloomily.

“Maybe we could eliminate those who wouldn't be mad enough to kill you,” Tuffnut suggested. 

At the same time, Ruffnut cried, “I've got it! Let's eliminate those who wouldn't be mad enough to kill you!”

“I thought of it first!” Tuffnut challenged haughtily, convinced defending his pride was  compulsory .

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did not!”

“Did too. Wait – what?”

“ENOUGH!” Astrid bellowed. “Since you two are so full of energy, why don't  _ you _ two do the  preliminary eliminations?”

The twins started to protest, but Astrid scowled at them like a wolf that hadn't eaten in a month and was considering broadening her menu.

The twins started looking through the papers.

About ten minutes later, they gave up. 

“Hiccup, couldn't you have dealt with someone's lost cat or something?” Astrid rubbed her forehead in circles. 

“Let's just assume that everyone in those papers doesn't like me.” Hiccup sighed. “This may take longer than I thought.”

“I can go grab some pizza if everyone's hungry,” Snotlout offered, wanting to get out of the room before Astrid picked on him. 

“Okay!” Fishlegs cheered. 

“You're buying,” Snotlout informed him. 

Fishlegs frowned. “Less okay.” He reluctantly handed over a twenty dollar bill to Snotlout, who made a grand exit to purchase the pizza.

Astrid dumped a stack of files in Camicazi's lap. “Sort through all the people and take out anyone who's in jail.”

“Gotcha.” Camicazi opened her laptop and pulled up a web browser. She frowned. “The wi-fi is out.”

Fishlegs arose to deal with the technical difficulty. Astrid gave Hiccup, Tuffnut and Ruffnut their share of papers before grabbing her own.

“Mulch. Found guilty of housing sheep in a domestic zone,” Astrid read aloud. “I think we can rule that one out.”

“The Judsons?” Camicazi asked.

“That was diamond smuggling,” Hiccup recalled. “They hid the precious stones in the contours of modern paintings. You know, the ones with the huge bumps and ridges.”

“Eliminate!” Camicazi tossed the case into the increasing discard pile.

“Lunch is served!” Snotlout announced, coming in a little while later, steam arising from the boxes balanced on one hand. He free-fall dropped a mini pizza box into everyone's lap. “Any luck?”

“Nope.” Ruffnut sighed. “These papers go on  _ forever _ . I could have blown up a building by now.”

“Pineapple and... liver?” Hiccup asked, grimacing as he stared at the contents of his box.

“Oh, that's Tuffnut's.” Snotlout swapped the pizza boxes. The twins apparently had the same wacky tastes in food. As for Astrid? She was content with cheddar cheese and pepperoni. Everyone multi-tasked, a piece of pizza in one hand and papers in the other. 

“I think we should call it a day and get back to our original jobs,” Astrid declared, finishing her pizza. Seeing double, she rubbed her eyes. “Maybe we'll find something else out tomorrow.”

Everyone blinked at her, not having considered the idea. Hiccup stretched his arms out and popped his shoulders. Camicazi and the twins followed suit, the twins trying to crack as many joint as possible before Astrid put a stop to it.

The room was silent for a minute until Snotlout shouted, “Hey, everybody! Pass me your leftover pizza!”

…

Reading a bunch of case files took more energy than Astrid had thought it would. At the end of the work day, she drove home and collapsed on her couch. She never wanted to see another manila folder again. No, scratch that. She never wanted to see another dog fortune teller case again. Or maybe both. She couldn't decide which was worse.

Before Astrid's mental Idiotic Debate Forum could go on, her phone buzzed, informing her of a text message from an unknown number.

_ Hey, Astrid. Mind if I swing on by? _

_ Who is this?  _ Astrid texted back, too lazy to use more than her pointer finger. Her phone immediately dinged in reply.

_ Zee Great Camicazi! Who else? _

_ How did you get my phone number?  _ Astrid absolutely hated it when complete strangers knew her personal contract information, even if they  _ were  _ friends with Hiccup.

_ I swiped Hiccup's phone. He had you on speed dial. _

Astrid scowled. That thief!

Another message came in from Camicazi:  _ So can I come over? _

Astrid gave Camicazi her reluctant consent and her house address before sprawling spread eagle on the couch again. The house was clean enough, she decided. She didn't need to get up to tidy it.

DING DONG. Astrid jolted awake and it took her a second to realize that it was the doorbell that was going off. She rubbed her eyes, got off of the couch, and fluffed up the decoration pillow. 

The doorbell went off again with more force.

“All right, already!” Was it a  revolutionary concept to have  _ patience?  _ Astrid flung open the door with a plastered fake smile to disguise how much she hated the blonde and wanted to slam the door back in her face.

“Hello!” Camicazi greeted her cheerily.

“Hi.” Astrid opened the door wider so Camicazi could come in. “The second bedroom is this way.” Cutting to the chase, Astrid directed her to the room. It was down the hall from Astrid's, but far enough away that they wouldn't bother each other.

“Right now I'm just using it for storage. I can move all the boxes to the basement. I require  mandatory payment for half of the utilities, electric, and food. No pets. Is it  satisfactory to your tastes?” She asked sarcastically.

“I like it!” Camicazi declared, taking her seriously. “It's a deal!” She took Astrid's hand and shook it vigorously.

Making sure she still had her watch, Astrid led the way back to the living room. She stood around awkwardly, not wanting to seem impolite by kicking Camicazi out, but she wanted her  _ gone.  _

“I'll see you later,” Camicazi said eventually.

“Later.” With relief, Astrid shut the door behind her and bolted it shut just in case Camicazi had swiped her house keys, too.  _ Why did she agree?  _ The  sanctuary of her house was going to be invaded by a sticky-fingered nut. She bemoaned this to herself as she wandered back over to her couch, flopped down, and turned on the television. Normally Astrid didn't prefer to watch the news, but she needed to know that she wasn't the only person in the world with problems.

_ “-and the footage is amazing, Frank! Get a look at this!” _

_ S _ omeone had filmed the scene on a cellphone, for the edges were blurry and the whole thing was shaky. In an alley a dark-skinned teenager juggled and did tricks with a soccer ball, surrounded by teens. Several people whooped and the general atmosphere was rowdy and fun.

Suddenly, a person off camera screamed.  _ “Watch out!” _

A girl pushed the soccer player, and just in time, too. A large, gray object crashed into the ground where he had been performing with a sickening bang.

The person who held the phone jerked the view up to a balcony above the alley. A wisp of white disappeared like a ghost.

_ “Several other incidents like this have happened, but the identity of the saboteur is till unknown; however, the police assure the public that they will soon have the culprit in custody.” _

Astrid turned the television on mute and picked up her cellphone to call Hiccup.

“Hiccup, are you watching the news?” she asked when he picked up.

“...Yeah.”

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”

“...Yeah. Should we get the rest of the gang?”

Astrid mildly pondered if that included Camicazi, then she berated herself for obsessing. Camicazi was going to share a house with her, so she would have to learn to like the thief... eventually.

“Nah, we can just take a look around. Whoever did it is probably long gone.”

“Meet you at the lamppost.” Hiccup hung up.

The lamppost was another one of Hiccup's ideas that Astrid couldn't tell whether it was brilliant or dumb. After everything with N.E.S.T., Hiccup had picked a random lamp post downtown to meet at should the need arise. When Astrid asked why a lamppost, Hiccup had vaguely responded, “All that lies between the lamppost and the great castle of Cair Paravel on the Eastern Sea.” He needed to find something better to do with his time than read classic paperbacks. 

Astrid forwent her car, grabbing only her coat for the walk. She hunched her shoulders against the cold wind that sliced into her skin. 

Hiccup was waiting patiently for her when she arrived. “Do you know which street it happened on?” she asked, coming upon him.

“Yeah. I recognized the apartment complex. It also doubles as a motel.”

“How are we going to get in?” Because of the late hour, waking up the owner and asking for admittance would not be an option.

“You'll see when we get there.” Hiccup adjusted the green, striped scarf he was wearing to better block the cold.

“Both you and Camicazi wear fingerless gloves,” Astrid observed.

“Yeah, well, she wears her gloves like that so she can get a better grip when picking pockets,” he informed her. “I wear them because normal gloves make my fingers too clumsy to handle the fine parts of whatever project I'm working on.”

They were now at the alley. Hiccup peeked around the corner. Full of life during the video, dark and murky shadows lurked in it now. Without hesitation, they entered it.

Astrid craned her neck to see the balcony. “That's kind of high up.”Not that Astrid was afraid of heights.

“No problem.” Hiccup pulled something out of the inside chest pocket of his leather coat. Handing one crutch to Astrid for safe keeping, he deftly unfolded spikes to reveal a grappling hook. “You go. You have the strong arm muscles, Astrid.”

“Yeah, but you have dragon night vision, and I forgot to bring a flashlight,” she countered.

“I can't climb well.”

“Then we'll both go,” Astrid concluded. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**4: Fight or Flight**

Astrid studied the cord that wrapped around the grappling hook. “I'll climb up first, and if you have any difficulties, I'll pull you the rest of the way up.”

Hiccup unwound the cord, eyed the balcony, and tossed the grappling hook with practiced ease. It fastened around the metal balustrade with a soft clank.

“You first, Tridy.” He swept his hand upwards.

“Tridy? You are  _ not  _ calling me that.” Where was he getting all of the stupid nicknames? Astrid hoped he wasn't picking them out of books.

Pushing the thought out of her mind, she began to scale the improvised ladder. Being a fairly frequent visitor to the weight lifting sector of the gym when she wasn't busy with work, Astrid zipped right to the top and swung over the iron railing with ease.

“Come on!” she called down. 

Hiccup moved back a couple of feet and tossed his crutches up to Astrid, who snagged them out of the air. He then hopped on one foot to the makeshift ladder, nearly losing his balance three times in the process. Astrid tried to stifle her giggle, but it slipped out anyway.

“It's not funny!” Hiccup snapped. “Try having one leg and see if you don't lack  finesse ! Have some  etiquette , will you?”

“Sorry!”

Hiccup grabbed two rungs with his hands and managed to get his foot on the bottom rung. He slowly inched his way up in the same manner. When he was almost all the way to the top, his hand slipped and he nearly fell, but he managed to regain his grip.

Hiccup wasn't buff in the first place. He was straining hard and his muscles were about to give out. His right hand slipped again at his next attempt, leaving him hanging by his left hand.

“Help!”

Astrid reacted instantly, reaching through the bars of the balcony and encircling his hand in a firm grasp. She hauled him up and over the railing and they both lay there panting for a bit.

“Thanks,” Hiccup said when he caught his breath.

“I'll send my bill in the mail. I accept cash only.” Astrid handed him back his crutches. “We really need to have a talk with your prosthetic manufacturer. This is ridiculous.”

“Don't I know it,” Hiccup muttered. He pressed a button on the top of the grappling hook and the ladder snapped up from the ground like a tape measure does when the mechanism is released. “Wouldn't want anyone coming along and taking away our exit.”

“Nifty.” Astrid nodded at the now folded hook.

Hiccup grinned. “Thanks. Shall we?” The balcony door was unlocked, allowing for easy access into the unoccupied apartment. Not so smart on the owner's part, but exactly what they needed.

“It's so dark,” Astrid whispered, peering around and trying to distinguish shapes.

“Really?” Hiccup whispered back. In the dark, his dragon eyes glowed green. They made him look like the Cheshire cat, since she couldn't really see the rest of him. “The carpet's very clean,” he observed.

“Whoop de do. Fenrir's rope!” The last part was shouted, due to the fact that Astrid inadvertently rammed her shin into a coffee table by the couch. Astrid braced herself against the table and bit the inside of her cheek in pain.

“Shh!” Hiccup hissed. “Do you want to alert the whole neighborhood that we're technically breaking and entering?”

“Blame the coffee table, not me! Hey, what's this?” When Astrid had grabbed the table, her fingers collided with a thin piece of paper. Carrying it back to the glass balcony door to read by the scarce light of the moon, Astrid discovered it was a piece of newspaper.

“Don't see anything else,” Hiccup said, coming up behind her and peeking over her shoulder.

“This is a newspaper from six years ago...” Astrid squinted at the letters. The piece was a mere 

tear from a larger page. The only information it contained was a date, the reporter's name, and a scrap of a title that ended in “-lka”.

“Whoever the ghost is, they sure have buttery fingers to keep dropping things,” Astrid commented dryly.

“Yeah,” Hiccup agreed, but he looked uncomfortable with the whole thing. In fact, he was as pale as if he  _ had  _ seen the ghost.

“You all right?” Astrid asked, concerned.

“I'm fine. I don't think there's anything else here. We'd better get out of here.” 

Before they could head back to the balcony to get down, an engine's rumble filled the night air, and a car drove into the alley. Two persons exited the vehicle and started up a heated discussion. Hiccup and Astrid realized they wouldn't be exiting that way.

“Rats!” Astrid exclaimed. “We'll just have to go out the front door.”

Just then, aggravated talking came from the hallway outside the apartment room and heavy footsteps came closer to the door. Oh, why did everything always have to go wrong? Astrid bemoaned to herself.

Hiccup jerked his head in the direction of the balcony. “There's a fire escape on the third floor,” he hissed. They both went back outside, hugging the building's wall in the shadows. Hiccup leaned over the handrail and swung the grappling hook up to the third balcony. It attached onto its target with a small thud that made Astrid wince. Thankfully, the bickering bellow them drowned out the clank.

Since the height they were climbing at was greater than the first try, Hiccup clambered up first so Astrid could catch him should he fall. She didn't have to and ascended next.

“Whoever designed this building was an idiot!” Hiccup hissed. “They put a fire escape on all the third floor balconies, but not the second floor's? This has to be a violation of fire standards.”

They carefully picked their way across the scaffolding of the fire escape, which creaked and groaned at different intervals without attracting any unwanted attention. She only allowed herself to breathe when they were safely on the ground.

“That was quite the adventure,” Hiccup remarked as they quickly evacuated from the neighborhood. He checked his watch. “Wow, it's late.”

Astrid grabbed his wrist. “Two in the morning? Oh, brilliant.” She envisioned spending the next day asleep, underneath her cozy, warm comforter. Too bad that wouldn't be happening.

“Don't forget to turn your heat on,” she warned Hiccup as they neared the junction to his street. She had caught him last week, whiling away the time in his workshop, oblivious to the fact that the windows were icing up. “And go straight to sleep. You don't want to miss your alarm clock and fail to catch your cases.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “Worrywart.”

“Slacker.” With that last remark, they parted ways.

…

Astrid should have warned  _ herself _ to get more sleep, because the next morning she might as well have put an over-stuffed dummy in her office chair for all of the work she was getting done.

“Here.” Something slammed down on her desk, jolting her out of nodding off. Camicazi stood in front of her, arms crossed.

“Coffee!” Astrid cried, jubilant. “Thank you!” She tried to think of a reason for Camicazi's generosity, but she couldn't come up with one. Maybe the thief wasn't so bad.

“I swiped it from the lounge. Having a zombie stare at you is unproductive. Hiccup asked me to tell you that Ruffnut set fire to her bathroom, and that you might want to give her a talk about not keeping flammable material next to gas containers and matches. Even  _ I  _ know not to do that.”

Astrid scowled. So there  _ was  _ a reason. “When did you talk to Hiccup?” It was barely nine in the morning. Astrid dumped an emergency packet of sugar she always kept in her desk into the coffee cup and took a swig of the hot, sweet liquid.

“Around eight. We had coffee in the break room. Did you know that he's left handed? A good lefty always has an advantage over a good righty.”

The coffee turned sour. “Of course I know he's left handed. What do dominant hands have to do with anything?”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all,” Camicazi said nonchalantly. “The coffee is really horrible here. It's a mix between grog and sludge, but I haven't had grog so I wouldn't be able to tell you. Have you had grog? You look like you have with that scowl on your face all the time.” Camicazi checked her watch without waiting for an answer. “Is that the time? Gotta run. See you later.”

Astrid sat fuming at her desk for a few minutes before getting back to work. Camicazi had a way of getting under her nerves. Astrid periodically glanced over at Hiccup's desk, which remained empty for most of the day. He finally came in right before lunch hour.

Deciding that she wasn't going to let Camicazi get the upper left  _ or  _ right hand, Astrid dragged Hiccup to the cafeteria for lunch. She plopped him down at a table and went to choose two lunches from the limited  menu . When she came back, Hiccup was drumming his fingers and looking around anxiously. Astrid loudly dropped the food trays on the table and Hiccup jumped.

“All right. Spill the beans,” Astrid ordered. “What's going on?”

Hiccup dumped some of the beans that were on his tray onto the table.

“I'm serious, Hiccup!”

“How come you always know when something's going on?” he complained.

“Don't you dare try to change the subject.” Astrid grimaced at the taste of the tuna she'd picked out. The cafeteria really needed to add soufflé to their cooking resumé. One could only eat so many sautéd endives and survive.

Hiccup sighed. “I found a note in my mailbox this morning. It's probably  _ nothing,  _ but it's still creepy.”

Astrid quickly swallowed a mouthful of tuna followed by endives. “What did it say?”

“It said, 'I'll get you for it.' Astrid, I've been thinking-”

“-A dangerous past time-” she broke in.

“I know,” Hiccup finished. “But what if we've been going about the problem all wrong?”

“Oh?” He had her curiosity spiked. “How?”

“All those case files. I don't think it's any of them.”

Their conversation was interrupted. “Aw, man!” Ruffnut dropped a food tray onto the table, stacked high with disgusting  scallop meatballs. Tuffnut, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Camicazi had all snuck up on them and were standing there. The table ended up quite crowded by the time everyone sat down.

“So all that work was for  _ nothing?”  _ Snotlout whined.

Ruffnut frowned at him. “What work? You went out and bought pizza!”

“I'll have you know that lifting pizza boxes requires muscles!” Snotlout flexed a poor example.

Ruffnut snickered. “Yeah, the muscles of a toddler.”

“Ladies, ladies,” Camicazi soothed. “There's no need to argue. You both have beautiful  corsages .”

“That's  _ visages,”  _ Astrid corrected poisonously.

“ _ As I was saying,”  _ Hiccup interrupted, “I think Alvin is a part of it.”

“I thought he was dead,” Fishlegs spoke up. “Remember? They burned his dragon corpse.”

“Yes,” Hiccup said slowly, “but what if it's someone  _ connected  _ to Alvin?”

Astrid caught on first. “Like a gang member that escaped the big round up. Or better yet, a family member who wants revenge on Hiccup for killing Alvin.”

“Exactly.” Hiccup snapped his fingers. “Gang members wouldn't have the incentive to come after me if they were only in the job for the money.”

Ruffnut pouted. “Now we have to start a search all over again!” She began to use her spoon to catapult meatballs in Tuffnut's direction. A glob hit him square on the nose.

“Hey! Knock it off!” Tuffnut picked up a tomato slice from his tray and threw it at Fishlegs. It hit the giant square in the chest. 

Fishlegs looked down at his ruined shirt in disbelief. “He threw a tomato at me. Why did he throw a tomato at me? Hiccup, ask him why he threw a tomato at me.”

Camicazi took the moment to cackle and dump milk in Ruffnut's lap.

“That's it,” Hiccup muttered. “I'm getting out of here.”

Things quickly dissolved into utter confusion. Astrid was about to join Hiccup's hasty retreat, but Snotlout reared back an arm to throw applesauce at her.

“Oh, no you don't!” She lunged for him, but it was too late. Applesauce splattered all over her hair. “You little troll!” She shoved him. He fell to the ground, the backside of his pants landing right in the middle of someone's to-go cup of coffee.

Astrid worked to break up the food fight, which escalated to the whole of the cafeteria, only taking the time to secretly dump someone's soggy leftover beets down the back of Camicazi's white shirt. The produced stain would take  _ months  _ to get out and hopefully keep the thief's fingers  _ away  _ from Astrid's watch.

Astrid had Snotlout and Tuffnut by the ears and was about to bonk their heads together like a  croquet mallet to knock some sense into their thick skulls when a loud voice broke through the chaos.

“WHAT IN FREYA'S YELLOW BRAIDS IS GOIN' ON?!”

Silence fell over the cafeteria. Chief of Police Stoick “the Vast” stood before their gooey mess, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he surveyed the area. “Would someone like to tell me the meaning of this?”

Ruffnut and Tuffnut looked at each other meaningfully. “GET HIM!” they screamed in unison before charging at him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**5: Feather-Brained Idiots**

Astrid poured more soap into the bucket of water and swirled it around with the head of her mop. Soap bubbles whirled up, reaching her nose and making her sneeze. Sighing, she wrung the mop out and applied it to the police station's cafeteria floor with hard, angry strokes.

Fishlegs, Camicazi, and Snotlout attacked the remnants of the Great Food Fight with their own cleaning  accessories and about as much enthusiasm as Astrid: that is to say, with none. The twins, the culprits of the whole thing, got off easy and were stuck in Stoick's office getting their eardrums blown out.

“YOU TWO ARE A BUNCH OF FEATHER-BRAINED IDIOTS!” Stoick boomed from behind the oak Door of Doom. “KANGAROOS HAVE HIGHER IQ'S!” 

Or maybe not so easy, but it wasn't fair that the rest of the gang was stuck on clean up duty when the twins were the ones who started it.

“I'll get them,” Snotlout vowed vehemently, putting more force into his mop strokes than necessary. “I'll get them so good, they won't know what hit them.”

“I should have left when Hiccup did,” Astrid muttered to herself, picking an empty fruit cup off the floor and tossing it into the big utility trashcan in the center of the room. 

Fishlegs sighed in a big whoosh.

“This is disgusting!” Camicazi complained, scrapping mac and cheese off the bottom of her shoe.

“The sooner we get this done,” Astrid reasoned, “the sooner we can leave.”

They worked in silence for another half an hour. Astrid's back and arm muscles were aching by the time she finished mopping the floor.

“At last!” Fishlegs rejoiced, tying off the trash bag they had filled up.

“I won't be long.” Snotlout marched towards to cafeteria door. “I'm going into the office to  _ murder  _ somebody,” he declared  emphatically .

Fishlegs laughed.

“Oh, Ruffnut, Tuffnut. Come take your medicine like Vikings!” Snotlout cooed.

“It's a good thing they're still in Stoick's office so he can't fulfill _that_ crime,” Astrid decided. “I'm out for the day. I don't suppose you two want to help me move boxes down to my basement?”

“No,” Fishlegs said. “I have work to do.”

“I've got two annoying cousins to babysit,” Camicazi excused herself. “People to rob, places to see.” They helped Astrid put the mops and plastic gloves back into the closet before parting ways.

Astrid grabbed her things from her desk, tiptoeing past Stoick's office door, which was still vibrating with Stoick's loud voice, and headed home.

“Cold, cold, cold!” Her car engine sputtered, threatening to die, and the heater wasn't working quite right. She made it safely home and had a quick cup of coffee for rejuvenation before tackling the boxes in the room Camicazi was to occupy. Most of them were filled with old junk she didn't need, so she lugged them out to the truck of her car with the intention of dropping them off at a donation station later.

Near the end of the arduous task, she came across a box full of old newspapers.“This looks interesting,” she said to herself. The papers were from random dates, ranging from three to ten years ago. Maybe later she could find the rest of the article that the ghost had dropped, but that would have to wait because she had work to do.

…

The gang decided to meet in the basement of Gobber's Fix It Up Shop on the Saturday morning following Thanksgiving. When Astrid walked into the garage, Gobber pointed to a car and bellowed, “RIGHT ON  SCHEDULE! HE'S UNDER THERE, LASSIE!”

A leg stuck out from underneath the fender of the  dilapidated sedan and muffled muttering could hardly be heard over the rest of the racket in the garage. Astrid wandered over to him.

“Hiccup,” she said gently, trying to get his attention.

“Hiccup,” she called louder, getting impatient.

“HICCUP!” she hollered, stomping her foot. A loud clank and an “Ow!” came from under the car. A few seconds later, Hiccup rolled out on a mechanic's creeper. He had black grease _all_ _over_ his face and shirt.

“Garm's snout! You made me hit my head!” he complained. There was a thin line of blood on his hair line. Nothing serious.

“Work's only fun if you get a scar out of it. Are you coming?” Everyone else was probably in the basement and Astrid wanted to get on with things.

“Is it really ten already?” He checked his wrist, which was vacant of a watch. He grabbed a rag and wiped off his face, but the grease only smeared worse. “Give me a second, and I'll be right on down. There's a thumbprint scanner on the door, by the way. I installed it yesterday morning instead of venturing into the Black Friday shopping chaos since I had everyone's prints on file.”

Astrid headed to the basement. There was indeed a scanner on the door, and her thumb was accepted. She went on down to discover that only Camicazi and Snotlout were there. The earlier was playing Fruit Ninja on her cellphone while the latter attempted to do push ups.

“Where are the twins and Fishlegs?” Astrid asked, taking a seat on the couch next to Camicazi, who wore a black and white t-shirt. 

“Beats me,” Snotlout huffed from the floor.

“The twins called me. Something about concussions from a  disastrous Black Friday crowd-surfing competition,” Camicazi said without looking up. “Fishleg's aunt broke her leg from tripping over an  umbrella and he went to the hospital to see her.”

Hiccup came down the stairs at that moment. The grease still mucked his shirt, but he had managed to wipe most of it off his face. “Hey, Camzi. Hey, Snotlout.”

Snotlout let out a wheeze in greeting and dropped to the floor.

Camicazi ended her game and shut off her phone. “So, what are we doing?”

“Delving into the black history of an evil crime lord,” Hiccup intoned dramatically, steepling his fingers and cackling darkly.

“He means that we're looking up Alvin Treacher on Facebook,” Astrid translated. 

“Did he even  _ have  _ a Facebook account?” Snotlout wondered from the floor. “Who would friend him? His cat? Or maybe he was a dog person.”

“That's what we're going to find out!” Camicazi chirped cheerfully, booting up her laptop. “Tabby or Siamese? I think he was more a panther guy, but isn't it illegal to own one of those since they're a  scarcity ? Of course, if I owned one, there wouldn't be a trace and the police would never catch me. Oh, wait. I  _ am _ the police!  _ Bonus! _ ”

Astrid interrupted Camicazi, the only way to possibly get a word in.“Hey, Hiccup. I've been wondering... when your dad arrested you that night, you yelled Alvin's name like it should have meant something to him. Does Stoick know more about Alvin?” She had kept meaning to ask him the question, but either forgot it or the time was never right.

Hiccup hesitated. “A past...case.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out!” Camicazi put her hands in a “T” shape. “Chief  _ arrested you?  _ What'd you do to get him mad?”

“Uncle Stoick threw him in the worse cell in the  precinct ,” Snotlout added from the floor.

Astrid kicked him in the calf. “Would you get up? You're ruining the rug with your sweat.”

“My sweat is manly!”

“Yeah, right!  _ Manly gross! _ ”

Camicazi whistled through her teeth. “Why'd he throw you in jail, Hiccup? To get thrown in jail when you're the police is a very admirable feat – for a  _ boy,  _ of course.”

“A misunderstanding. Call it a generation gap.” Hiccup scratched the back of his neck, clearly wanting to be done with the whole thing. 

“Your dad is hardcore.” Camicazi typed something into her computer. “Alvin Treacher, eh?”

“Yep.” Snotlout finally got off the floor and collapsed on the couch next to his cousin.

“Weird last name. You'd think since we're in the twenty-first century that some people would have better taste, but apparently not! I like mine. It's got class! Way more than, say,  _ Hofferson _ or something like that.” Camicazi peered closely at her computer screen and roughly jammed on a couple of keys, completely unaware that Astrid was very close to losing her self-restraint and putting Camicazi's consciousness in  jeopardy .

“He's not on Facebook,” Camicazi announced presently, “but he's on a crime watchers website, a bunch of recent news articles, and YouTube videos. Was there a fight recently?” Loud noises blared from her computer's speakers.

Astrid scooted closer to Camicazi to see what she was watching. Instantly, she recognized the footage. Someone had videoed the fight between Hiccup and the Red Death. If it had been bad seeing it the first time in person, it was worse watching the replay and knowing the outcome.

Astrid glanced over at Hiccup to subconsciously assure herself that he was, indeed, alive. His eyes were screwed shut.

“Turn it off, Camicazi,” Astrid instructed. 

Camicazi obeyed. “You guys were on the police force at the time. Did you see it in person?

“Worse.” Hiccup shuddered. “I was the other dragon in the-” 

Astrid elbowed him, but she was too late. Despite Hiccup cutting off the end of his sentence, realized he had just revealed to the unsuspecting Camicazi that he was the Night Fury.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**6: We've Been Discovered!**

Camicazi didn't bat en eye as she finished Hiccup's sentence. “...the other dragon who battled the Red Death.”

Astrid's jaw dropped. “How did you know?” Camicazi had taken even less time to figure it out than she had!

“Simple,” Camicazi replied. “Hiccup couldn't possibly have been wearing armor, because he's too skinny to support the full weight of it. Also, if he had been crushed underneath the building when it collapsed, the armor would definitely need to be rebuilt. He's been prattling on about armor ideas for the rest of you for the past week, but mentions nothing for himself. And who else would need a hideout in someone's  _ basement? _ ”

“You make it sound so simple,” Hiccup said miserably, his  respiration having slowed down to a reasonable rate from the shock. 

Camicazi smirked. “All that and the fact that you dozed off at your desk the other day and scales started appearing. Don't worry, I won't turn you in, even if the reward is a good bargain. I  _ could  _ use new tires on my motorcycle. Drag racing isn't kind on them. ”

“No, no!” Hiccup was quick to assure. “I'm sure your car tires can wait. So  _ that's _ why you dumped water on me. They're no longer offering a reward, by the way. That's all cleared up.” He slumped back onto the couch. His dragon ear flaps appeared in his hair and the scale patterns began to flit across his skin, turning him into the Dragon Boy that Astrid was familiar with.

“I thought you might get upset if I told you the truth,” he explained, taking green-colored, non-prescription contacts out of his eyes. “Astrid punched me when she found out. I'm  _ so  _ glad I don't have to wear these anymore. After a couple of hours, everything starts to look blurry. I don't even need glasses.”

“So where were we?” Astrid asked. 

“Righty. Alvin. Let's see.” Camicazi scrolled down an offender alert web page. “Died at age - AGE FORTY-TWO? Odin's beard, he was old. My grandfather – may he rest in peace – was at  _ least  _ sixty when he died. Positively ancient! Used swallow fire at a circus. Burned his  larynx .” She continued reading silently for a second. “Oh, goody! Alvin was held once in suspicion for the murder of-”

“We know all of that,” Hiccup interrupted. “Anything else?”

“Yeah. He had a mother who got out of jail about a month ago. I don't see what charges were placed against her on here,” Camicazi reported.

“The apple doesn't fall from the tree,” Astrid sagely remarked. Now they had a suspect. “She has the motive and a past crime record. What more could we ask for? A signed confession?” Astrid made a mental note to look more into Alvin's mother later.

Suddenly, loud snores reverberated from the couch Snotlout was on.

“He fell asleep!” Hiccup exclaimed in disbelief.

“He has an  allergy to working. He should have stayed home. That reminds me.” Camicazi turned towards Astrid. “Can I move in tonight?”

“Tonight?” Astrid wasn't sure if she would be able to cope with the company immediately.

“Yeah. My landlady is kicking me out because some of her silver teacups from the Dark Ages went missing. I have to be out by noon tomorrow or she's calling her brother-in-law, who also happens to be a WWE champion.”

Brilliant. Astrid made another mental note to hide all of her valuables. “Fine.” She sighed. It's not like she had much of a choice. She could either take Camicazi in or throw her out in the street, and the latter was out of the question no matter how much  friction Camicazi caused. 

“Great! I already parked the rented moving van in your driveway.” Camicazi shut her computer, completely unaware of the bombshell she had just dropped.

“EXCUSE ME?!” Astrid shouted, waking up Snotlout, who had a dribble of drool trailing down the corner of his mouth.

“Ze Great Camicazi always has a plan!” Camicazi began to pack up her stuff, not noticing Astrid's sputtering of rage.

Sensing the tension rising like a flood, Hiccup got up. “Uh, you know I think I forgot about a car Gobber wants me to fix. Gotta go!” 

“Now, just wait a second!” Astrid ordered, but he was gone. Astrid turned back to Camicazi. “I suppose you stole my key and made duplicates, too?” she drawled sarcastically. She would be shocked if Camicazi hadn't. The woman had no sense of personal boundaries!

Camicazi grinned, slinging her one-strapped backpack over her shoulder. “I thought of it. See you at home, roomie!” She breezed out of the room.

Astrid shook Snotlout awake with more force than necessary before following at Camicazi's heels, driving fast as the speed limit allowed. 

“She's worse than toe  fungus ,” Astrid snarled at her own reflection in the rear view mirror. “Parasitic  microorganisms come at better times than she does!” Somehow, she miraculously beat her new roommate home.

A tiny moving van was, indeed, in the driveway. Astrid hurried inside, threw her coat and scarf onto her couch just as the sound of a motorcycle motor rumbled outside.

Camicazi leaned against the porch post when Astrid opened the door. “Don't worry about helping me,” Camicazi said in way of greeting. “I can manage by myself and I imagine that you have work to do.  Psychology or whatnot. Whatever you normally waste your time doing every evening!”

Without bothering to correct Camicazi about her occupation, Astrid took her word for it. “The room is all cleared out. I assume you want to junk it up in your own personal way. We can draw up the contract later.” She set about making lunch out of the turkey leftovers her mother had forced upon her from Thanksgiving as Camicazi lugged boxes to the bedroom. 

They ate lunch in silence together, and then Camicazi announced that she was going to return the moving van before she procured a late fee, make a duplicate of the house key that had mysteriously disappeared from Astrid's pocket, get herself  vaccinated for Ebola in case Astrid didn't clean her toilets, and procure a  turbine and twelve ounces of  iodine for something work-related. The front door slammed shut, and Astrid was left to enjoy her last few hours of living alone, which she sure  _ wasn't _ going to spend scrubbing her already pristine bathroom to appease Camicazi. 

So naturally, she decided to do some investigating.

Taking a sip of a fresh cup of coffee, she fetched out her computer and booted it up. She pulled up a more specialized crime website than the one Camicazi had been on earlier and found Alvin's mother.

“Excellinor. That's a weird name,” she mused aloud. Even though it was uniquely Viking, it should have been on the “Top Ten Names Not to Give Your Baby” list.

Excellinor had recently been released from prison for robbery, although Astrid's detective intuition told her that the woman had gotten away with much, much more. 

There was a photo of Excellinor, but it was taken years ago and not much help. The woman's black beady eyes made Astrid want to defend herself, although from what was a mystery. Astrid read on for a little until she came across a bit of news that made her jaw drop. She grabbed her phone and dialed Hiccup immediately.

“Hello?” he answered.

“I know why your prosthetic hasn't come in yet,” Astrid cut to the chase, not wasting any time on formalities. 

“You do?”

“I looked up Alvin's mother – her name is Excellinor, by the way – and guess what?” She didn't wait for him to guess. “She's the CEO of Axe Metal Incorporated.”

Hiccup processed this for a second. “The company I contracted to make the prosthetic?”

“Exactly! There's a reason your leg hasn't come in yet. If Excellinor wants you out of the way, it's a lot easier to get the job done when you're handicapped.”

Barking and growling came over their phone connection. “Hold on,” Hiccup said. “Toothless, what's the matter, bud?”

Toothless barked again, sharper.

“Hiccup, what's going on?” Astrid asked, voice rising at the end of the question.

“I don't know. Toothless is really acting weird. He – oomph!”

“Hiccup?” Astrid's fingers dug into the protective case on her phone. “Are you there?” The phone call was disconnected. Astrid didn't hesitate for a second and raced out the door without grabbing her coat.

The streets were dark and the typical seasonal traffic was crowing the streets. The town's decorating committee was in the middle of putting up holiday décor such as banners, ridiculously huge wreaths, and lights, but Astrid hardly noticed any of it as she ran. A thousand images of what could have happened to Hiccup flashed through her head, each one worse than the last.  _ Think straight, Hofferson!  _ She thought, sucking in breaths. She didn't have the time to panic!

“Toothless!” The Border Collie's familiar black and white form was lying prone on the sidewalk along the edge of the street. He lifted his head a little bit off the ground and whimpered.

“Where...is...Hiccup?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**7: The Path of Wrath**

A loan moan came from a side alley, flooding Astrid with relief. She left Toothless and sprinted into the alley to find Hiccup lying prostrate on the ground. If Astrid hadn't heard the moan, she would have thought that he was dead.

“Hiccup?” she asked, kneeling down next to him. There was a large bruise over one of his eyes, a cut on his cheek, and a swollen lip.

“Hi, Milady,” he croaked.

“You stupid, stupid, stupid-” Astrid huffed. “Why are you so intent on scaring me half to death and getting yourself injured?!”

“You look so relaxed and I can't help but worry you! Where's Toothless?” Hiccup asked. 

Astrid helped him sit up. “He's alive. I can't say the same for you. Can you walk?”

Hiccup laughed weakly.

“Never mind. Dumb question. Where do you hurt most?”

“Just a couple of bruises,” Hiccup answered, coughing and wincing.

“Liar.” Astrid lightly poked him in the ribs, getting an “Owwww!” from him. “You have a couple of cracked ribs. What happened?”

“I was walking Toothless-”

He got no farther. “You were walking Toothless in the middle of the night in a questionable part of town with no protection? Are you an idiot?” Hiccup had no sense of self-preservation!

“The whole point of having a dog is for protection!” Hiccup protested. “What are you, my mother?”

“You shouldn't be walking out by yourself!”

“Do you want to hear what happened or not?” Hiccup huffed.

“Continue!”

“Toothless smelled them before I did, but whoever they were hit him pretty hard a couple of times before he could do anything. They were prepared for a dog.”

“They must have been the person who broke into your house the other night.”

Hiccup nodded. “I think so. The next thing I knew, you were calling my name. Are you sure Toothless is fine?” Hiccup was more concerned about his dog than himself!

“He probably needs to get to a vet,” Astrid admitted. “He didn't want to get up and most likely has some internal damage. You, on the other hand, need to go to a doctor to get those ribs wrapped. Do I need to call a  paramedic? ” Too bad she hadn't taken the time to drive. How was she going to transport him anywhere?

“As opposed to going to the  veterinarian ?” Hiccup quipped. “We can just drive to the hospital.”

“Tuffnut and Ruffnut can't drive with concussions, and Fishlegs just spent the whole day at the hospital with his aunt,” she thought aloud. “That leaves Snotlout-”

“No! He drives worse than you!”

“-or Camicazi.”

“I'll call her.” Hiccup pulled his phone out of his pocket. A spider web of a crack covered the device's screen and it refused to turn on. “On second thought, you call her.”

Astrid dialed Camicazi's number.

“Ze Great Camicazi speaking. Make your request and I'll consider granting it in a couple of years,” Camicazi chirped like a radio  announcer .

Astrid rolled her eyes. “You're such a  comedian . Cut the jokes out, Camicazi. Are you at home yet?”

“Yep. You've got a nice selection of television channels, although I don't prefer watching  _ archaic stuff. _ ”

Astrid ground her teeth from saying something rude and made a note to include the cost of cable television in Camicazi's rent. “My car keys are lying around somewhere. Can you come right away to – hold on a second.” Astrid jogged over to alley's entrance to get a glance at the nearest street sign. “To Shipper Street?”

“Why can't I ride my motorcycle?” Camicazi asked. “I could get there more quickly on it than in your death trap.”

“Because the three of us won't fit on your  _ murder _ cycle. Please hurry. Hiccup got into a little scrape.” Astrid returned to Hiccup. Blocking the microphone on her phone, she whispered, “She's coming.”

“A little scrape? Knowing him, he needs at least ten stitches and a cast,” Camicazi remarked.

Astrid glared at nothing. “It's not something to joke about. Would you hurry up?”

“Your chariot shall arrive soon, Your Majesty.” Camicazi hung up.

“It's all fine and dandy for her to make a joke out if it!” Astrid crackled her knuckles to vent her frustration.

“Don't be so harsh on her,” Hiccup said. “It's just the way she is. Her house got broken into while she was in high school. When the police officers came to inspect the scene and dust for fingerprints, she took photographs. Made scrapbook pages and everything.”

Astrid decided not to comment and kept a watch at the head of the alley, just in case Hiccup's assailants came back to finish the job. She comforted herself by petting Toothless, who didn't move much. About five minutes later, Astrid's car lurched to a stop right in front of her.

Camicazi alighted from the car and slammed the door hard, making Astrid wince on the inside. “You need to get a new car. The poor thing didn't want to start. Where'd you get it, the dump?”

Frustration boiling over the top of the tea kettle, Astrid marched up to Camicazi. “If you say one more joke or criticize my television selection or my car one more time, I will arrest you. Got it?”

Camicazi's mouth opened and closed. Finally, she said, “Where's Hiccup?”

“I'm over here, Camzi,” he called from the alley.

“I'll load Toothless into the backseat. You help Hiccup.” Astrid bent down next to the dog as Camicazi entered the alley.

“Hey, boy,” she cooed, stroking his thick fur. His eyes, which had been closed, fluttered open. Astrid hadn't noticed it before, but Hiccup's and Toothless's eyes were almost exactly the same color, which was weird because Border Collies usually had blue or brown eyes.

“Let's get you in the car, okay?” She continued speaking to him in soft, soothing tones as she lifted him and carried him to the car. She kicked the door open and carefully set him down on the seat cushion.

Hiccup and Camicazi exited the alley. Hiccup had one arm slung over her shoulder, and one hand clutched over his ribs. He was trying not to laugh, but Camicazi was in fits of giggles.  _ Just like best friends,  _ Astrid thought bitterly.

“How's Toothless?” Hiccup asked.

“He's not moving much.” Astrid slammed the car door shut after they got Hiccup settled next to Toothless. Astrid got in the driver's seat and hit the gas. She turned up the heater as far as it would go. Her skin felt numb and goosebumps were all up and down her arms, but that was what she got for forgetting her coat.

When they arrived at the hospital, it was lighted up like a Snoggletog tree. Camicazi hopped out and then leaned back inside.

“I've got Hiccup covered. You can go ahead and take Toothless to the vet,” she told Astrid.

“Are you sure?” 

“Worry wort. Yes, I am sure.” Camicazi shooed her along.

Astrid watched as Hiccup and Camicazi made their way into the hospital. Before they reached the doors, Hiccup said something (probably sarcastic) and Camicazi threw back her head and laughed.

Astrid suddenly felt very alone. Overnight, Camicazi seemed to have taken her place as Hiccup's best friend. She ran a hand over her face and was ashamed to find that she wanted to cry. Angrily, she wiped away one traitorous tear. Hoffersons didn't cry.

…

Astrid tried calling Hiccup to tell him the good news that Toothless was mostly okay and the attacker had just  administrated a drug, but Hiccup's phone was still out of order. Over the weekend, her backyard gained lovely patches of dirt that were sure to never grow back, all thanks to Toothless running around and barking at every leaf that fell to the ground. Camicazi spent the rest of the weekend out of the house and came back at the wee hours of the morning when Astrid was asleep, so she didn't get a chance to question her about Hiccup. 

Ruffnut called in sick the next day to work, something to do with a creepy dental  hygienist , so Astrid didn't have to pick her up. With no little trepidation, Astrid loaded Toothless into the back of her car on Monday morning and the ride to the office occurred without incident. Before she could drag Toothless over into Hiccup's custody, however, an officer went over to Hiccup. A few seconds later, they left together, and Astrid could see that Hiccup's forensics tool kit was slung over his shoulder, meaning that he would be out for the day.

Well, Astrid couldn't very well leave Toothless in the office all day. Unless they were service animals, pets were forbidden after an incident involving an escaped llama, a rabid mink, an  electrician , and a  representative from the chief  researcher . She grabbed some food from the cafeteria and a dish of water and took Toothless back out to her car. Thank goodness for Mystery Meat Monday.

She rolled each of the windows down all except for the front passenger side, which had a broken motor, and set the food and water down.

“Stay here,” she commanded Toothless, who cocked his head at the sound of her voice. She mildly entertained the idea of charging Hiccup for dog-sitting fees, but ultimately decided against it when she looked at his cute little face. Before she could regret the set up, Astrid hurried back to her desk. She had a bunch of alibis to check for certain case suspects. 

While she was working, two officers came up behind her desk and began chatting. Astrid didn't pay much attention to them.

“It's just amazing how people will react to the dumbest things,” the one Astrid remembered as a files  librarian at the police station remarked.

“Yeah, to go all wild like that over a photograph,” her coworker agreed.

“Can _ tank _ erous,” the files librarian rejoined.

“She looked looked like a ghost with all the white she was wearing!”

Astrid slammed her pen down and spun around in her chair to face them. “What did you just say?” Astrid urged.

“Just a little gossip.” The first one laughed. “Sorry to bother you.”

“No! Tell me what happened!” Astrid insisted.

“Well,” the librarian began, “a little tourist boy was walking the streets with his mother, taking photographs of everything. He took one of an old lady who was strolling down the street, and then the next thing she was flying at him and beating him. Took two officers to pull her off, but the damage was already done and the photograph was destroyed.”

“You said she looked like a ghost,” Astrid prompted.

“White all over.”

“Did they arrest her?” Astrid asked, a plan to interrogate the woman running full tilt boogie in her brain.

“Nope. The mother didn't press charges.”

Loki's luck! Astrid was sure that the old lady had been the mysterious ghost who had been causing all of the trouble and didn't want her picture on file anywhere.

“We'd better get back to work.” the second officer said, and they both went on their respective ways. Astrid turned back to her own work, but she couldn't concentrate. W _ hy _ hadn't that mother pressed charges? A great opportunity had gone down the drain. 

At noon, Astrid went back to check on Toothless. His water was out, so she refilled it and gave him more food. Then, she noticed that one of the back seat belts was chewed on a little.

“Bad dog,” she scolded, but she wasn't too mad. No one would notice. Toothless was panting heavily, so she rolled down the windows a bit more since it was against the law to leave a dog in a hot car. She gave Toothless a quick rub on the tummy before heading back inside.

At the end of the day, she left work feeling down and as if she hadn't gotten anything done. Hiccup hadn't shown up and Camicazi kept bragging on about cases she had been assigned to. Astrid opened her car door, threw in her stuff, and - 

“TOOTHLESS!” she bellowed. Four brown and white Chihuahuas were in the car with Toothless, stuffing hanging out of their mouths, which she discovered came from inside the back seat. Her car was ruined. Strips of the leather that had covered the seats hung at odd, pathetic angles. Frankly, there was no backseat anymore. On top of all of that, a sour smell wafted to her nostrils. The dogs had used her car as a porta-potty. Toothless refused to look at her.

“GET OUT, YOU MANGY MUTTS!” she roared, throwing open the door. The Chihuahuas didn't wait for a second invitation and took for the hills yipping like the cowards they were.

“YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN!” she screamed after them.

Astrid turned to Toothless. “YOU HORRIBLE, DUMB, STUPID, HORRENDOUS- UGH!” Her precious car! It was in pieces!

Astrid got in the car and revved the engine. “Hiccup Haddock, you'd better run for the hills, 'cause you are going to rue the day!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**8: Cold Shoulder and a Gelid Grave**

Billy, the cashier at Hal's Hardware Depot, was having a boring evening. The only thing he had sold was a bucket of screws, and he expected nothing else to sell, either. 

Also, he had been studying like crazy for an upcoming exam. The textbook rested in front of him now, but the words were swimming before his eyes. His eyelids slowly drooped down, threatening to close on him completely.

BAM! Someone slammed their purchases onto the counter, waking Billy in an instant. A blonde-haired woman stood before him, face flushed red in fury. She looked like one of Odin's Valkyries who had just taken a big bite out of a jalapeno pepper.

“Everything all right, miss?” he asked her.

“FINE! Just great. Not a trouble in the world!” she snarled, not giving an  exposition for her obvious wrath. Her expression told him that what she said was  fiction.

Billy scanned her purchases, which consisted of two furniture blankets, duck tape, and a staple gun. “Goin' to kidnap someone?” he asked, laughing nervously.

The Valkyrie bared her teeth at him. “More like murder,” she vowed ominously, swiping her credit card forcefully and shaking the scanner.

Billy swallowed, sorry he had asked. He printed her receipt and quickly put her items into the flimsy plastic bags. “Thank you for shopping at Hal's Hardware Depot!” he said, omitting the cheerful “Come again!” he was supposed to say at the end. He handed her purchases to her, wishing that she would get out of the store and never return. Thankfully, she stalked off.

Billy stared after her, glad that he wasn't the object of her wrath.

…

Astrid threw her car into park when she reached home. Toothless whined from behind the backyard's fence, but Astrid did  _ not  _ want to see how much grass he had killed in her absence. She opened all of the doors to her car and surveyed the carnage, which looked worse in the fading daylight.

She lugged all of the ruined stuffing to her trashcan and then attacked the carpet of her car with a vacuum and power sprayer. Her arms thoroughly ached by the time she got rid of the disgusting smell. She stretched her back for a second, then pulled out the furniture blankets and staple gun.

Carefully, she folded the blankets into thick rectangles and put them where her seat cushions should have been. 

KA CHUNK! KA CHUNK! KA CHUNK! She plugged the staples into the seat, having fun wielding the staple gun. She wrapped the duck tape around the shredded seat belts, finishing the job. She stepped back to admire her work.

“Not too bad,” Astrid said to herself, nodding her head. If it didn't work, she could always use Chihuahua pelts to reinforce it. She made sure to lock her car before she headed inside.

“I'm home!” she sang to thin air like a glorious  sonnet , making her way over to her bin of fresh ground coffee beans. Peeking inside, she discovered a few brown specks. Camicazi had used up the rest of her precious stock.

Astrid disgustedly slammed the lid back on the bin and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, a poor substitute for the coffee that she needed to boost her moral. Sighing, she took her laptop out, set it up at the table, and began to write a renter's contract.

When she was satisfied with what she had come up with, Astrid printed two copies of the contract out and left them on her coffee table for future viewing.

Astrid wasn't a superstitious person. In her opinion, any medium could be quickly disproved with a well-aimed bullet into his or her fancy machine. But Astrid felt eyes on her. The creepy, unwavering stare of someone...or something.

“ _ Toothless _ ! Quit staring at me!” 

The Border Collie peeked into her house through a window, and his unwavering stare never left Astrid as she marched across the room to shut the curtains completely. Even with the window covered, she still knew that Toothless was stalking her. She wasn't going to give in to those pleading eyes. She _refused_ to.

Astrid went to her room without giving the canine a second glance and collapsed on her bed, mentally exhausted. She soon drifted off to sleep, not even realizing that she had forgotten to change into her pajamas. 

…

Astrid stared up at the sign for  _ Dora's Dog Palace,  _ where she was dropping Toothless off. The letters peeled off into an unpleasant shade of orange. She wasn't going to chance taking Toothless to work again after what those Chihuahuas had done to her car, no matter how much the orange of the sign disagreed with the purple.

“Come on boy.” Toothless hopped out of the car, and they entered the building together.

“Why, hello there! You must be the young lady who called!” a lady with a beehive hairdo and a name tag that identified her as Dora squealed, barely audible over the din of barking dogs coming from the back door that led to a kennel.

Dora wore make up like a mud mask and her curly hair was just a tad off from the shade of lipstick she was in the middle of applying.

“And this must be Toothless!” Dora bent down and smacked a kiss on Toothless's nose, leaving a bright red lip mark. Toothless whimpered and tried to wipe it off with his paw.

“I have to get to work. How much are you charging for a day?” Astrid asked, pulling out her wallet.

Toothless whined in protest as he watched the  narrative unfold.

Dora's eyes bugged out. “Oh, I wouldn't dream of charging more than seventy-five dollars!” she declared  poetically , clasping a pudgy hand to her chest.

Astrid had no idea if that was cheap or not, so she paid without complaining. “I'll be back as soon as I can to get you out of here,” she promised Toothless, whispering in his ear as she gave him one last pet. He howled as the door to the establishment closed behind Astrid.

When Astrid got to the office, Hiccup wasn't there. In fact, he didn't make it to work until three in the afternoon, and when he sat down, he immediately rested his head down on his arms and fell asleep. Astrid wasn't going to let him get away with it. She made a beeline for his desk.

“Hiccup! Wake up!” She clapped her hands near his ear.

“Huh?” He groggily grounded his fists into his eyes.

“I've got a bone to pick with you, Haddock! What's up with ditching Toothless on me?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“I wouldn't call it ditching...” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair and looking around the room in bewilderment, as if he didn't believe it existed. Large, dark bags hung under his eyes, indicating he hadn't slept much. His lack of sleep better have been because he had been writing an apology.

“Oh, yeah? Well, I had to leave him in my car all day, and he invited some Chihuahua friends of his to have a nice feast of my  _ seat cushions _ .”

“Sorry,” Hiccup muttered. Of all the lame things to say!

“ _ Sorry? _ All you have to say is  _ sorry? _ ” Astrid didn't care that her rising volume had attracted the attention of everyone in the room. “What kind of gentleman just dumps off an animal on someone and doesn't even call? YOUR DUMB ANIMAL WRECKED MY CAR.” She jabbed him in the arm with every syllable. Was she not speaking English?

“ Sounds like Toothless did you a favor. That car needed wrecking more than a condemned building!” Hiccup protested, pushing her hand away. “Don't you have work to do?”

“Hiccup Haddock,” Astrid hissed, “how  _ dare _ you! You didn't even show up to work until the day was ninety percent over! You are the most inconsiderate, lazy, rude, useless coward I have ever known!”

Eyes blazing, Hiccup got to his feet, upsetting his chair. Wordlessly, he marched from the room, crutches clicking in the deafening silence that transcended. Camicazi got up and hurried after him, sending a glare over her shoulder at Astrid.

Of course  _ Camzi  _ would go after him. Astrid didn't see what she had done when Hiccup was at fault!  _ Let Camicazi glare,  _ she thought, going back to work. 

Camicazi returned after a period without Hiccup and gave Astrid the cold shoulder.

Eventually, Astrid packed up and headed home. After eating dinner without the presence of Camicazi, she decided to dig through the box of newspapers that she had left in the basement, which was an  allegory for  _ dark, creepy pit infested with venomous spiders and snakes underneath someone's house _ . 

A wise  proverb :  _ One does not simply visit the basement. _

Shivering, Astrid tiptoed down the dark stairs, stomping to kill any of those spiders that might lurk on the uneven wood. Casting suspicious glances at queen-sized spider webs hanging from the ceiling, she grabbed the box. Quick as a rabbit (or as near quick as she could be with a heavy box) she raced back to her living room. She let the box of  _ heavy  _ literature that felt like a set of  bibliographies fall on the floor before kneeling down next to it.

“Six years ago, six years ago,” Astrid muttered to herself, searching for any newspapers with the scrap paper's date. Hiccup had been scared of the article. Astrid was determined to find out why, no matter how mad she was at him. Finally, she found the matching date and gasped in shock at the headline.

**NO SUSPECTS IN MURDER CASE OF VALKA HADDOCK**

_ by J. March _

_ The identity of the person who killed Valka Haddock yesterday, November 28th is still a mystery to the police. While they assure the city that they will catch him, the Chief of Police Stoick Haddock (also the husband of the deceased) advises that all citizens should not venture out after dark. If you do walk in the evening hours, stay in populated areas. Mrs. Haddock's funeral is being held at 5:00 P.M. on December 1st at Meyer's Funeral Home, with a memorial service beforehand at 3:30 for anyone wishing to pay last respects. _

Astrid let the newspaper fall down to the floor. The article cleared up why Hiccup was so late to work, because the exact date was the twenty-eight of November _. _ She had some serious apologizing to do if she could find Hiccup. Her eyes fell back on the word “funeral” in the article and an idea came to mind.

When Astrid got out of the car at the cemetery, she spotted Hiccup's lone silhouette underneath a graceful willow tree, the orange sky making his features unreadable.

Apologies weren't Astrid's strongest point. She cracked her knuckles nervously as she approached him, passing by gravestones with poor, wilting flowers for  personification.

“Hiccup?” she asked, tentatively. 

He sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his gloved hand. “I was in the wrong.”

“No, no, no! I shouldn't have left Toothless in my car in the first place. I'm sorry, Hiccup.” Astrid stood next to him, looking down at the gravestone at the base of the tree.

VALKA HADDOCK

LOVING WIFE AND MOTHER

“I'm sorry, too,” Hiccup eventually whispered. “I'll pay for the damage to your car.”

They stood quietly for a few minutes, the only sounds being the crackle of dead leaves and the rush of wind.

“I was there,” Hiccup finally said, “the night she died. I saw him pull the trigger.”

Astrid was shocked. He hardly ever spoke of his mother. “Who?”

“Alvin Treacher. I saw him do it. I tried to tell the police officers, but they thought I was just a traumatized teenager. By the time they believed me, he was long gone and left no trace.” His voice was unsteady.

Astrid knew that Hiccup had a habit of blaming himself when things went wrong. “It's not your fault.” 

Hiccup shook his head. “It is. I ran, Astrid. The gun was pointed at me, but my mom jumped in front of me and told me to run.”

Astrid winced at his words. “You are not a coward. You faced the Red Death,” Astrid reminded him, taking his arm.

Hiccup sighed, his breath frosting in the air. “Sometimes, on days like today, it feels like I'm a coward.”

“You were only obeying your mother. She sounded like a courageous woman, Hiccup.” Astrid had seen a picture in Stoick's office of Valka once. Valka had looked very much like Hiccup, with the same thirst for adventure in her eyes. 

“She was. When I was growing up, she was always there for me when my dad wasn't, after getting picked on at school. She actually went and gave a bully what for once. The business trip my dad took?”

Astrid nodded, even though the question didn't really need an answer.

“It's typical of him. He doesn't know how to talk to me, even after everything that's happened. He doesn't want to talk about Mom. It hurts.”

“More than ripping off a band-aid,” Astrid remarked, regretting how stupid it sounded, even if it got the barest hint of a smile out of Hiccup.

The smile disappeared just as quickly as it had came. “I miss her, Astrid, so hard it aches. Even after six years, I feel like I let her down.”

Astrid grabbed hold of his words. “Then don't! Continue to make her proud! Find Excellinor.”

Hiccup remained silent for a moment, before swinging his crutches around.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Astrid called after him as he headed back to the cemetery's parking lot.

“To Gobber's! I'm going to make my own leg!”

Astrid caught up with him. “That's great, but not so fast. We have to get Toothless out of a madwoman's clutches first.”

“What?” Hiccup asked, confused.

“Uh...I might have left Toothless at Dora's Dog Palace for the day,” Astrid confessed.

_ “YOU WHAT?!” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**9: How to Make Your Leg**

“Are you all right, bud?” Hiccup asked Toothless, a mere  paraphrase of all of the worrying he had been doing over the past half an hour. Astrid let him get away with it since Toothless had come out of Dora's with lipstick marks and glitter all over him. She sympathized with the canine.

“How are we going to make a prosthetic? Don't you need special schooling or something to build that kind of stuff?” Astrid asked as they walked towards Gobber's.

“Well, I do have the blueprints,” Hiccup reasoned. 

“That's like saying you have all the directions for a warship but no wood, nails, or pitch. Or that you have the materials but no experience. Or you have a  conjunction , a  preposition , and a  transitive verb, but no sentence. ”

“What are you talking about?” Hiccup rolled his eyes. “I learned enough about  gerunds and  participles and sentence  fragments in middle school  grammar , thank you very much. Spare me now. Toothless, get out of that garbage can. I did make Gobber's prosthesis, remember?” 

Toothless attempted to get out of the garbage can as commanded, but he was stuck. Astrid pried him out and the dog licked her hand before trying to herd her along the sidewalk.

“But you've never made a knee joint, have you?” Astrid picked up their conversation again. “What if you don't have all the parts you need?”

“Have you even seen the Back Room?” Hiccup countered.

“What's that?” Astrid asked.

“Oh, you'll see,” Hiccup replied, winking mischievously. “Come, let me show you.” Only several dim light bulbs hanging from the ceiling lit the inside of Gobber's shop. Astrid thought they would have to leave and come back later since no one was there, but Hiccup pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

He held it open for her. “After you, Milady,” he said, grinning. Astrid obliged his humor and swept into the shop like the Queen of England herself, Toothless at her heels. Hiccup locked the door behind them.

“Just in case,” he explained, noticing her questioning look.

“Someone's getting nervous in their old age,” Astrid remarked, poking him in the ribs.

“OW!” Hiccup howled. “My ribs are broken, remember?”

“Oh! Sorry!” Astrid poked him in the shoulder instead. “So what's the Back Room?”

Hiccup beckoned her to follow him. He bypassed Gobber's office, which was more like a pool room, and took out another key to unlock a big metal door. Astrid let him struggle with opening it for a minute before stepping in.

“I'm not completely helpless, you know,” he grumbled as she tugged the door open effortlessly. 

“Uh huh. You'd still need my help to find your way out of a paper bag!” 

“Probably because you'd be the one who trapped me in it.” Hiccup flipped on a switch. Big overhead lights came on to illuminate the hugest heap of metal scraps and junk Astrid had ever seen strewn on the ground.

“Ta-da!” Hiccup threw his arms wide, a wince cutting off the  exclamation . “This is the Back Room, the only junkyard you'll ever need!” He selected a bucket off a nail on the wall.

“Do you need me to look for certain pieces?” Astrid asked as he began sorting through the pile and throwing articles in the bucket.

“No, thanks. There's a bucket of raw meat in the alley out back. You can let Toothless have it. Eureka!” With a delighted look on his face, Hiccup held up a long screw. “I've been looking for this for ages!”

Astrid let him do his thing and went to go find the bucket of meat. On the way out the back door, Toothless wove in and out of her feet, making her trip over him. She hit the concrete of the alley hard.

She rubbed her back, glaring at Toothless. “You used to be such a nice dog.” He pushed his nose into her knee, and she rubbed behind his ear. His eyelids drooped in pleasure.

“Can you find that meat for me, boy?” Astrid asked him, not wanting to get up. She was cozy in her coat and fur-lined boots and now that she was on the ground, she might as well stay there.

Toothless barked an affirmative. The Border Collie set to sniffing around, nose to the ground with his black and white tail high in the air. A few minutes later, the sniffer found its target, and Toothless started scratching at a bucket hidden in the shadows.

Astrid hauled herself to her feet and pried the lid open before Toothless could rip the plastic to shreds.

“Bon appétit,” she muttered, kicking it over so Toothless could have easier access to its contents. Meat spilled out, which Toothless commenced to suck up like a vacuum cleaner.

Hiccup poked his head out the door. “Hey, Astrid! I think I've got all the parts I need.” His green eyes sparkled with excitement.

Astrid dusted off her jeans. “I'm coming. Is it all right to leave Toothless out here?”

“I think so. Toothless.”

Toothless' ears pricked up at his name.

“Go home,” Hiccup commanded. The dog barked and trotted off.

“He'll make it all the way home?” Astrid questioned dubiously.

“He  _ should.  _ He's got a doggy door.” He rubbed his hands together. “Now, shall we?”

Astrid followed Hiccup to his work station, which wasn't in the basement. “People would start wondering if they heard too much commotion from down there,” Hiccup had told her once, “so Gobber lets me use most of the machinery in the shop.”

“What do you want me to do?” Astrid asked as Hiccup cleared a space on the table and set his overflowing bucket down on it.

“Do you happen to know how to weld?” Hiccup shot her a hopeful look, pulling out screwdrivers and wrenches.

“Nope!” Astrid had pretty much failed domestic sciences in high school. She hadn't seen the point, and her teachers didn't see the point in teaching her, either, after she'd blown up brownies all over the classroom and the whole building had to evacuate. 

“You're going to learn,” Hiccup informed her. Astrid groaned half-heartedly. She  _ had  _ offered up her services. Hiccup led her over to another table and handed her a large mask.

“It's to make sure you don't get any sparks in your eyes.” Hiccup helped her put the clumsy thing on. “You don't want anything flammable near. This thing on the wall here controls the temperature, which I'll set, so don't touch it. Oh, almost forgot.”

Hiccup handed her huge leather gloves and an apron. “Don't want your lovely looks burning to a crisp. ”

“Thanks. I think.”

Hiccup gave her something that looked like one of the spray wands on weed killer bottles. “Press down on the clamp when you want the heat to come, and use  _ this  _ metal bar to shape the gooey metal. And don't touch the finished product with your bare hands.”

“I know _that._ I have enough brains to not touch hot metal. Shouldn't you use... I don't know... plastic or something?” she asked.

Hiccup snorted. “Yes, plastic. So it can bust at the worst possible times. I can just see myself in the middle of a fight with a criminal. 'I'm sorry, my prosthetic broke. Would you mind holding up a sec while I fix it?' That'll go over well.” He had a point. 

“What do you want me to work on first?”

Hiccup held up a piece of curved metal about three inches long and another piece that was flat. “Weld these together. The square one should be perpendicular to the first one's line of symmetry.”

“Huh?”

“The square one should rest on the first one's center in a T shape. When you're done, show it to me before you dunk it in the water.” Hiccup pointed to a bucket at Astrid's feet that she hadn't noticed before.

Astrid got to work. She welded pieces together and Hiccup inspected them, sometimes handing them back for corrections. Eventually, she finished all that he wanted done and took off the gloves, mask, and apron, noticing for the first time how hot all the leather had made her feel. How Hiccup wore a leather jacket constantly was a mystery to her.

Astrid pulled up a stool to Hiccup's table, where he had taped complicated blue prints up on the wall. He drilled a hole in one of the scraps Astrid had made, metal curling up as the drill bit sliced the metal away.

“So, where'd you learn to do all of this?” Astrid asked when the drill died down. As far as she knew, Stoick wasn't mechanically inclined.

“I picked it up in my mother's lab. She used to work late and give me projects to amuse myself.” Hiccup laughed, and Astrid would have missed the slight trace of remorse in it if she hadn't known him better.

“You inherited her knack for science,” Astrid observed, eyes roaming over the blueprints. “Is that a secret compartment?” 

Hiccup scowled at her and snatched the paper she pointed at down from the wall. “Not anymore, obviously.”

“Obviously.” Astrid leaned forward to get a better look at the paper.

Hiccup hid it behind another diagram. “Tell me about your mother.”

_ “My mother?”  _ Astrid was surprised. “Why do you want to know about her?”

“I don't know. You always seem to wrestle stories out of me. Tell me a fact about yourself for once.”

Astrid racked her brain. On any other occasion, she would have been able to think of something, but when it was requested, her mind went blank. “Uh...when I was in fifth grade, I joined the boys' soccer team at my school.”

“You did?” Hiccup whooped. “I feel sorry for them!”

Astrid grinned. “You should. I had them eating dust every time we ran laps.” Those were the good old days, when homework wasn't too demanding and she had time to rough it up with the boys.

“My dad tried to get me to do sports,” Hiccup volunteered. “For some reason unknown to my older self, I chose volleyball. Didn't go too well.”

“Really?”

“Let's just say that I looked worse than Scott Sterling after the first practice. Scalpel.”

“What does a scalpel have to do with volleyball?”

“Sorry. I meant wrench.” Hiccup pointed at the tool he wanted without looking up. Astrid fetched it for him and sat back down.

Suddenly, she snapped her fingers. “I keep forgetting. There's a new movie out in theaters called  _ A Wrinkle in Time.  _ I bought two groupons for the showing on Thursday at seven and thought you might like to go since you read Sci-Fi junk.” 

Hiccup bit his lip. “I'd really, really like to, but I already have a prior engagement.”

“Oh.” She should have known.

“I'm terribly sorry, Astrid.” 

“Nah. It's all right,” she assured him, disappointed.

“I could-”

“Don't bother,” Astrid said lightly. “Did I ever tell you about the time...”

While Hiccup worked on his leg, Astrid told him stories of her childhood. Hiccup occasionally threw in some of his own, the funniest one being about the time his dad and his uncle Spitelout took him and Snotlout camping.

“Trolls exist!” he declared, shaking a screwdriver at her. “They steal your socks, but only the left ones. What's up with that? Snotlout woke up one morning, got out of his sleeping bag, went to change his socks and BAM! Half of them were gone.”

“There's no such thing as a right or left sock.”

“There is! Ask Gobber the next time you see him. He knows exactly which one goes on which foot.”

“What a load of rubbish. Did you ever find your troll?” Astrid teased him.

“We went fishing and I snuck off to hunt for troll tracks, but my dad discovered my disappearance and dragged me back.”

“Ha.” Astrid covered up a yawn.

Hiccup noticed it. “You should go to sleep, Astrid. Sorry for keeping you here. Selfishness on my part.” He was wide awake. Astrid wondered where he got all of his energy without drinking coffee in copious amounts like she did.

Astrid frowned. “Are you sure you don't need my help? You sent Toothless home.”

“I have everything I need.”

“Okie dokie.” Astrid covered up another yawn. “See you tomorrow. You  _ are  _ coming to work, I presume?”

“Yep, and this time, it'll be on my own two feet.”

…

_ “You only have a couple weeks left to live,” the doctor kindly tells her, although she couldn't care less. Death has no  _ _ definition _ _ for her when she has power flowing through her veins. _

_ In fact, she is not the only person who has a couple weeks left to live. _

_ She has planned the death of a certain green-eyed red head in a couple of weeks, and she will not fail. Not this time. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**10: Portrayal of Betrayal**

Astrid pulled into Hiccup's driveway and honked the horn to let him know that his ride had arrived. She drummed her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.

“If you keep that up,” Ruffnut joked, “you're going to have a trombone instead of a steering wheel.” The twins' concussions were over, and Astrid wished that they would return.

Astrid ceased the repetitive motion. “If he doesn't get out soon, we're going to be late for work.”

“Late for work.  _ Late for work?!”  _ Ruffnut nearly choked on the words. “You picked me up thirty minutes early! I should sue you for primitive treatment of your fellow man!”

“Twenty-six,” Astrid corrected absentmindedly, honking the horn again. “It took you four minutes to get outside. And all you do is watch romances. I saved your brain cells, which I don't normally have the opportunity to do.”

“What _ ever.” _

Astrid and Ruffnut didn't get a chance to continue their argument. Hiccup's front door opened and he came out, bag in one hand and crutch in the other. His prosthetic was hidden underneath his jeans and boot.

“Welcome back!” Ruffnut cheered as he opened the back door of the car and tossed his stuff in.

“Thanks. Nice seat cushion, Astrid.”

Astrid spared a glance at her handiwork before pulling out of the driveway. She was especially proud of the masterpiece, given the materials she had to work with.

“I thought your peg leg was a solution for the crutch.” Ruffnut sounded as disappointed as a toddler who had told that she couldn't have ice cream for a whole year.

“The skin around the area is tender. If I tried putting my full weight on it just yet, it would get inflamed or infected. I keep forgetting to call the therapist like the doctor said to. By the way, did you see the news?” Hiccup asked.

Astrid caught his worried look in the rear view mirror. “No, I went straight to bed. What happened?”

“The ghost...what's her name?” Hiccup thought for a moment. “Excellinor – she set fire to a neighborhood.”

“SWEET THUNDER OF THOR!” Ruffnut screamed in glee as the car veered into the next lane, narrowly missing a semi truck.

Astrid quickly jerked the steering wheel over, correcting her mistake. “Did anyone die?”

“No, but several people had to be taken to the hospital.” Hiccup sighed. “We need to have a meeting soon to plan a way to hunt her down.”

“All right!” Ruffnut cheered. She threw her arms out wide and hit Astrid in the face, nearly causing a second accident.

“How is Fishlegs's aunt?” Hiccup asked when they were safely back in the right lane again.

Astrid bit her bottom lip guiltily. “I haven't talked to him.” They pulled into the office parking lot.

“I've got a ton of work to catch up on. I'll text you when to meet at Gobber's.” Hiccup headed off to his desk, where a pile of papers taller than his head waited for him.

“This is where we part ways. Thanks for the ride! Toodles!” Ruffnut called over her shoulder, flouncing out.

Astrid made a quick rest stop in the break room to get a coffee refill before sitting down to her work.

“Hey, Astrid!” Camicazi chirped from her desk, nearly scaring Astrid out of her wits. She had quite forgotten about her roommate the past couple of days. Out of sight, out of mind.

“Hello,” Astrid greeted her civilly, not really having a reason to hate her at the moment.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your pen.”

“I didn't lend you my...” Astrid trailed off as Camicazi held up Astrid's favorite pen in front of her face. Astrid grabbed it from her. “Where did you get this?” The last time she had checked, the writing implement had been in her pocket.

Camicazi grinned and wiggled her fingers at Astrid, who seethed inwardly. How come Camicazi was so infuriating?

…

Astrid couldn't find anyone else besides Snotlout to go to the movie with her that night. Since taking an orangutan was more preferable than taking him, she ended up going alone. 

Astrid hadn't read the actual book  _ A Wrinkle in Time.  _ However, she had immensely enjoyed the graphic novel, so she had high expectations for the movie.

After showing her ticket to the person guarding the door to the movie theater, Astrid managed to find a good seat not too close to the screen, but not to far away, either. She settled back with her box of popcorn, crunching kernels and watching boring Mr. Clean Guy commercials. Eventually, the movie started and Astrid dug into her popcorn. It was only when intermission began and the lights came back on in the theater that Astrid noticed  _ them. _

Camicazi and Hiccup sat next to each other at the end of the second row in front of her, talking. So  _ she  _ was Hiccup's peculiar “prior engagement” Astrid thought, hurt. Why hadn't he just told her without the cloak and dagger?

_ Maybe that's because they're talking about you,  _ a voice nagged in the back of her head.  _ Be quiet,  _ she told it back, but it wouldn't go away.

As nonchalantly as possible, Astrid got out of her seat and slid down five seats so she could hear their voices.

“-and I just don't know what to do, Camicazi,” Hiccup said, actually using her full name for once. “She gets really mad sometimes.”

“Just tell her,” Camicazi said matter-of-factly. “I could, if you want me to.”

“No!” Hiccup protested vehemently. “She'd kill me if she knew.”

_ You bet I would,  _ Astrid thought. They were talking about her, and right in public!

“So she kills you,” Camicazi reasoned.

Astrid wanted to march down and give Camicazi a big piece of her mind. She was shocked and hurt that Hiccup was talking about her as if she wasn't sitting two rows behind him! Not that he knew that.

Camicazi abruptly changed the subject. “How's the head?” That was an odd question to ask. Astrid hadn't recalled Hiccup getting injured in the head.

“It's not as bad as it used to be, but the nightm-”

Whatever Hiccup had been about to say got cut off. A group of loud teenagers with candy and soda in hand came to reclaim their seats in the row in between them. Soon, the theater was filled, and Astrid had to content herself with glaring at the backs of Hiccup's and Camicazi's heads.

_ You're jealous,  _ the little voice in her mind chanted. 

_ You lie!  _ Astrid quoted from  _ A Wrinkle in Time  _ back. She never did notice the ghostly figure that hurriedly left the theater.

…

Camicazi's arrival was announced by a thunderous door slam that awoke Astrid from her slumber. She had come straight home from the movie and promptly fallen asleep on her bed without getting undressed.

Astrid could hear Camicazi messing with the television's DVD device in the living room, and then the sounds of the main menu of a movie seeped through the door.

Astrid groaned and thwacked her pillow to get the fluff back into it. Who watched a two-hour movie and then came home to immediately watch  _ another  _ one? Did Camicazi not only have to steal her best friend, but she had to steal her sleep, too?

The theme music for  _ Lord of the Rings  _ started up. Astrid suddenly hated J. R. R. Tolkien, although it wasn't even the dead man's fault.

From her nightstand, Astrid's phone went off, alerting her that she had a text message. She ignored her mobile until it started ringing. An earthquake better have happened, because Astrid was not in the mood to deal with any of Ruffnut and Tuffnut's stupid antics.

Astrid answered the call without looking at the ID. “If you've blown up another building, I promise you that I will personally call Stoick and have you  _ fired _ .”

“I've only blown up one building in my life.” Hiccup snarked back.

“What do you want?” she growled harshly, his recent betrayal stuck in her memory.

“My house got ransacked.” 

_ Hilarious,  _ Astrid thought.  _ He can tell I'm mad and came up with a flimsy excuse to get me over to his house. _

“So get  _ Camzi  _ to come and help you.  _ I'm  _ busy. Some people need their sleep instead of catering to your joking schemes.”

There was silence on the line for a second. “Is something wrong?”

_ “Why would you think that!?”  _

“I don't know. Maybe because you sound  _ mad _ . But seriously, my house is ransacked _.  _ And I can tell without even going inside. Do you want me to send you pictures as proof?”

That got Astrid's attention, if only a little bit. “You haven't gone into the house, have you?”

“I'm just about to see if the culprit is still inside. Unless you want to come.” 

Hiccup had played the trump card. Was she mad enough at him to let him walk into potential danger?

After debating over the  dilemma , Astrid sighed. “Whatever you do, don't go inside.” She hung up and opened her bedroom door, which amplified the sounds of the television. Did Camicazi do nothing but watch movies? Astrid made a mental note to limit her screen intake from that moment on.

“Hiccup's house has been ransacked,” Astrid shouted at Camicazi over the clamor of a battle. “I'm going over there before he does something stupid.”

Camicazi paused the movie. “Hiccup's pretty smart – for a  _ boy,  _ of course. You can trust him to take care of himself. Unless it's a medical  procedure . Don't trust him with that. I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't have a medical degree to operate on me. Would you?”

“Are you coming or not?”

Five minutes later, Astrid's car and Camicazi's motorcycle pulled into Hiccup's driveway. Hiccup was nowhere to be seen.

“I told him to wait!” Astrid fumed. Hiccup was an idiot, she decided. An idiot with a capital “I”. 

Camicazi followed her up to Hiccup's front door, which was slightly ajar. “He's not a little kid, Astrid. Why are you trying to baby him?”

“I'm not!”

“Then why did you rush over to his house at this hour?”

“He's the one who called me! Why are  _ you  _ trying to steal him from me?”

Camicazi stared at Astrid for a second and then burst out laughing as if she had said the funniest thing in the world. “Me? Steal him... from you?” Camicazi finally managed to choke out. “What in  _ Midgard  _ are you talking about?”

Astrid, thoroughly steamed at this point, turned away from the miniature hysterical fit of laughter Camicazi exhibited and pushed open the door. The first thing she noticed was the blood.

…

  
  


_She loathes_ _him. The hate is a burning column of fire in her chest that aches constantly with the desire to get out._

 _How can he sit there like nothing is wrong in the world?_ _She seethes to herself. She notices the shadows under his eyes. She knows he's fighting the beating of a dragon's heart, the call to give in, lose all reason, and become wild._

_ She wants to give in herself. She will _ ,  _ too, once she gets her revenge. When she hurts him so far, there will be no return. _

_ Snatches of his conversation with the wretched thief reach her ear, and she can't help but smile to herself.  _

_ He will regret EVERYTHING. The hot iron of anger builds up to a crescendo before exploding inside of her. She wants it out. _

_She needs_ _to let it out._

_ Quickly, she gets up and hurries out of the place, not noticing the blood that starts to slide down her nose. She knows exactly what her actions will be. The small attacks she has been doing were only the warm ups for the finale. Now, she will give a warning before the ending strike. _

_ Before the ultimate revenge that will fulfill her thirst to see him pay. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**11: The Handwriting on the Wall**

RACHE. The blood message on one of Hiccup's living room walls read the awful word. Astrid gasped. “Hiccup?” she called into the house, stepping farther into the entry way and pulling the now-sober Camicazi behind her. Books and other articles like keys and scarves were strewn angrily on the floor. Someone unhappy had wrecked it recently, and Astrid hoped Hiccup hadn't been caught in the middle of it.

“Boo.”

Astrid's police detective training took over and she spun around and punched whomever was standing behind her in the face. He went sprawling on the ground with a grunt.

“Hey!” Hiccup glared at her, one hand covering his nose. “What's up with you and violence lately? I can't do anything without getting punched.”

“I thought you were to person who wrote that!” Astrid flung an arm at the message on the wall. Did he not see it?

Camicazi grabbed a tissue out of a tissue box on Hiccup's bookshelf (which was overly crammed with hardbacks despite the copious amount already on the floor) and handed it to Hiccup. He blotted up his nose, which was bleeding a little. Astrid tried to feel sorry, but he wasn't in danger anymore and she could still hear him talking about her with Camicazi.

“How did that get on there?” Astrid asked, picking her way across couch stuffing. Whoever had wrecked his house had done a thorough job. Hatchet marks gouged every flat surface, although the marks weren't deep which indicated that the culprit was a weak person.

“What's it look like? It was magically written by a rare feather pen from the planet Pluto.” Hiccup snapped, bending down to pick up a photograph that was torn into fourths. It was of his mother. “Probably a nosebleed. Whoever it was is weak. They might have a chronic disease which gives them nosebleeds.”

“You must have interrupted them,” Camicazi remarked. “They didn't finish what they were writing.”

“Idiot,” Astrid muttered. “Why would someone want to write Rachel on your wall?” Hiccup didn't have an acquaintance with anyone named Rachel as far as Astrid knew...or did he?

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “I'm not an idiot. The blood is dry. And they wrote exactly what they meant to. 'RACHE' is German for  _ revenge. _ ”

“Oh.” Astrid felt stupid. And she thought she was a great detective!

“At least this proves it's Excellinor,” Camicazi remarked, studying the message more closely.

“Yes, it's quite the handwriting on the wall,” Hiccup said, smiling wryly at some joke only he would understand.

“Yes, the handwriting on the wall,” Astrid repeated, even though she had no idea what it really meant. 

Camicazi smirked at her knowingly. “It's time we wrote our own message.”

…

_ “Wheeze. Hup. Wheeze.”  _ Snotlout was back on the floor of Gobber's basement, doing push ups. He could actually manage to get off the floor now, but only for two inches. Everyone else was gathered around on the couches, somewhat soberly.

Hiccup cleared his throat. “How's your aunt, Fishlegs?”

Fishlegs beamed. “Fine. She's doing a lot better. Thanks for asking.”

Ruffnut and Tuffnut grinned wickedly at each other. “Did she like the card we sent?” they asked in unison.

“ImighthavetoldthehospitaltodestroyallcardsfromanyonenamedThorsen,” Fishlegs coughed into his fist.

“Are we done with the pleasantries?” Camicazi demanded. “Ya'll are boring me to death.”

Astrid snorted to herself. “Yes, we should get started,” she grudgingly agreed.

“I have an idea!” Tuffnut announced, raising his hand high in the air and waving it back and forth. “We lure Mrs. Excellinor into a building and blow it up!”

“No,” Astrid immediately vetoed.

_ “Wheeze.”  _ Snotlout sounded like he was choking.

“I think Tuffnut has an idea, Astrid,” Hiccup said thoughtfully.

She shot him an incredulous look. Now he was agreeing with the twins? Had Camicazi slipped something into his coffee? Because he had gone nuts.

“Don't get me wrong,” Hiccup said, catching her look. “I don't think we should blow up anything if we can help it.”

“Aw!” The twins and even Camicazi pouted.

“But what if we set a trap?” Hiccup continued.

“And use what as bait?” Astrid asked sarcastically. “What if we put a mouse trap in the middle of the road and hope she sticks her finger in it?”

“We could use Hiccup as the cheese,” Snotlout snickered, abandoning his workout session and collapsing on the couch next to Fishlegs, who wrinkled his nose.

“Yeah, dress him up in a cheddar head costume,” Ruffnut put in.

“We aren't doing it, and that's final.” Astrid crossed her arms. “Any more serious suggestions?”

“They might be on to something, Astrid,” Camicazi said, narrowing her eyes. “We actually could use Hiccup as bait.”

“We aren't going to use Hiccup as bait.” Astrid narrowed  _ her  _ eyes.

“Why not?” Snotlout spoke up. “He's the perfect worm. For some reason, Excellinor hates his guts. She wouldn't be able to resist!”

“It's too dangerous,” Astrid stated firmly. The rest of the room didn't agree.

“Don't be such a mother goose, Astrid.” 

“Dangerous is our middle name!”

“Do you want to catch her or not?”

“I thought you liked action? Are you getting chicken in your old age?”

Astrid was faced with seven pairs of eyes, one unhuman. She admitted defeat. “We  _ could  _ use that abandoned umbrella factory,” she suggested. “Anybody got a floor plan?”

Hiccup hauled himself out of his seat in an instant and started rifling through his myriad of drawers. He muttered to himself, tossing papers and greasy stuff all over the already messy work benches

Then, Astrid noticed something hilarious. A dragon tail (shrunk for size) was dragging on the floor behind Hiccup, twitching with his movements. Camicazi stifled a giggle and Astrid disguised her laughs as coughs.

“Aha!” Hiccup cried in triumph, oblivious to his new appendage. He turned around and waved the papers in the air before seeing that everyone was having fits of laughter.

“What's wrong?” he asked. “Do I have oil or something on my nose?”

“Your...tail!” Snotlout gasped, holding his sides. “Nice, cuz!”

A confused look came over Hiccup's face. “My...tail?” He tried to look behind his back to see what they were talking about, but ended up going in awkward circles with his crutch, much like a dog chasing his own tail. This only caused them to laugh harder.

“If you're all done,” Hiccup sulked, “I have the floor plans!” He waved them again. Stifling her laughs, Astrid got up and snatched them from his hands. Carefully, she laid them out on the circular table. Everyone gathered in closer to get a good look.

“These aren't drawn correctly. There's a hole right here.” Fishlegs pointed out, trying to be helpful. He was correct, Astrid could see. In several places, the drawings left out huge chunks, mostly around one area.

“That's not an error,” Hiccup said, looking at the place Fishlegs was indicating. “I did tell you that I've blown up one or two buildings. Remember when I ended up in the backseat of your car, Astrid?”

“You've blown up a building?” Tuffnut cried. 

“That's so cool!” Ruffnut gushed. “What kind of explosives do you use?”

“What level was the explosion on the rector scale?”

Astrid saved him from having to answer. “I thought that this factory made umbrellas. What's this sector of here for?” she asked, pointing. The part she was talking about wasn't actually part of the factory building. It was slightly off to the side and was a large platform that had a ramp leading up to it. Around the platform (which was big enough to hold several cars) were chutes of various sizes.

“Before it made umbrellas, it was a coal processing plant. The industrial revolution at work!” Hiccup was such a nerd.

“I'm thinking of a revolution for food,” Snotlout groaned, rubbing his stomach. “I'm hungry.”

“No, you're not,” Astrid told him, glaring.

“We can use the chutes to our advantage,” Fishlegs suggested, “if we could find a way to hide in them.” 

Hiccup laughed. “Anybody want to step in time?”

Ruffnut made a gagging sound.

“Not everybody has seen the movie,” Camicazi reminded him. Somehow, she had managed to swipe a pen from Fishlegs's pocket protector and was doodling on her hand.

“If happy little blue birds dream, why can't I?” Hiccup asked.

“Someone call him,” Tuffnut muttered. “Tell him to be quiet.”

Ruffnut jabbed her twin in the stomach with her elbow. “Take your own advice, why don't you.”

“Why don't you take  _ your _ advice and-”

“DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!” Astrid bellowed, ending the argument before it could even start. If she didn't do something, they were never going to get anything done.

Camicazi took the cue. “The twins, Fishlegs, and Snotlout will hide in the shoots, ready to be the back up. Astrid, Hiccup, and I will be actually on the platform, waiting for Excellinor.”

Astrid frowned. “Why do you need to be there?”

“Takes a thief to catch a thief.” Camicazi twirled the pen between her fingers as if to prove her point.

“Why do  _ you  _ need to be there, Astrid?” Snotlout whined. “I'm just as capable, if not more! I've been doing push ups!”

Astrid snorted. “Oh, yeah? This I got to see. You couldn't beat me in an arm wrestle if I had a broken arm. Tell you what, I'll even use my left hand.”

“It's on, Hofferson!” Snotlout cleared a space on the table. Hiccup, the twins, and Camicazi traded bets. Fishlegs, looking nervous, abstained. The fact that Camicazi bet against Astrid only gave her more fuel for the coming duel.

Astrid and Snotlout knelt and locked hands over the table, staring each other in the eye like wolves.

“You say go. Loser buys the winner coffee for two years.” Astrid didn't want him to claim that she had had an unfair advantage later if she were the one to say go.

“Deal. Three, two, one, GO!” Snotlout started before the go, but Astrid was prepared for the trick. As easy as cutting melted butter, Astrid slammed his hand into the table top, making the connection with a nasty crack. She let go of his hand and Snotlout snatched it to his chest, whimpering.

Hiccup have her a withering look as he collected his money from Camicazi. “We need him in one piece, you know.”

Astrid refused to wither. “You'll be thanking me when you get a sip of the finest of Berk's Beastly Brews. Any others?” Head shakes went around the room faster than a virus. “Now that everything's settled. What's the rest of the plan?”

“Hopefully she'll go without a fight, but I think we should have tasers or something. It won't be like how it was with Alvin though. It would be good if we could get a confession so that we don't have to revert to, ah...” Hiccup carefully chose his words. “Slightly illegal means.”

“I've been practicing my knot tying skills in case we have to tie anyone up!” Ruffnut declared proudly. As to demonstrate, she tied her and Tuffnut's hair into a bird's nest.

“Got any gadgets?” Camicazi asked, leaning back and stifling a yawn. 

“Maybe a recording device? We shouldn't need anything fancy. After all, Excellinor's most likely sick with cancer or leukemia and won't have much energy for a fight. Her son had all of the brains in the family, so she won't be that prepared.” Hiccup started checking off an imaginary list with his fingers. “We'll need safety harnesses for the those in the chutes. What else? Blocks for the actual chutes to make sure no one slides back down. Has anybody seen my screwdriver?”

“And he's off, folks!” Camicazi announced, pretending to shoot a gun into the air. 

“Back the T. Rex up!” Astrid knew that when Hiccup got on a roll, there was little one could do to stop him. “How are you going to get Excellinor out there?” It wasn't like Excellinor was going to go on a walk in an abandoned, creepy factory for the pure fun of it.

Hiccup glanced up. “Hmm? Oh, I'll think of something.” 

A scary thought crossed Astrid's mind. “You're not going to do anything pea-brained, are you?”

Camicazi did her trademark cackle. “Him? Never.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**12: Of Car Tows and Emotional Lows**

Astrid should have been warned whenever the car started making thumping noises. Cars didn't usually make thumping noises, as far as Astrid knew. Purring? Maybe. Thumping? No. She should have pulled over immediately and checked to see if anything was wrong.

But no, she told herself it was just the weather and drove on.

Astrid should have been warned again when car parts started littering the road behind her. Cars didn't usually do that, but Astrid told herself that the axle was just settling. Astrid  _ definitely  _ should have been warned when it started swerving back and forth across the road on its own accord. 

It turned out that Astrid needed more than these warnings to see that her car was shot.

Done for. Eroding. Broken.

“No, no, no, no!” she cried, slamming her palm against the dashboard. “You're not supposed to quit!” The statement was erroneous, of course, but Astrid's brain just wasn't aware of it at the moment.

Astrid leaned forward on her steering wheel.  _ I should probably prop up the hood,  _ she thought.  _ So people know I've broken down.  _ But it was cold, and she didn't want to get out of her car. Not that it wasn't cold inside the car. The heating unit had quit with the engine.

Before Astrid could work up the energy to actually unlock her car, someone rapped on the window. She gave a coarse shout and slammed on the horn, hoping that would scare the vagabond off.

“ARE YE ALL RIGHT, LASSIE?”

Astrid cleaned some of the fog off her window and peered out. “Is that you, Gobber?”

“THE ONE AND THE SAME! Having car trouble?” Gobber asked, giving her a toothy grin. “It's a good thing I came in me tow truck. I'll give ye a ride to me shop.”

“I would appreciate that.” Astrid finally found the unlock button and opened her car door. She slid out, and handed Gobber the keys. “I'm not sure if you need these or not.”

“I will,” Gobber said cheerfully, jangling them. “Just hop in the cab and I'll be done in a few shakes of a lamb's tail.”

“Do you need help?” Astrid glanced dubiously at his prosthetic. 

Gobber waved the appendage at her. “'Iccup designed this to be interchangeable. Don't ye worry.”

“Thanks.” Gobber's tow truck was pulled over in front of her car. Astrid stepped up on the running board and had to use a little effort to get the cab door open. She climbed inside the cab, which was pretty nice for the beat up exterior of the vehicle. Astrid ran a hand along the soft leather, thinking over her own patch up job. Were the seats heated?

Loud banging came from behind the tow truck. Astrid leaned forward and pressed her nose up against the glass to get a better look at what Gobber was doing. Her car was now on the ramps of the truck, and Gobber was securing it with...bungee cords? Astrid  _ did not  _ want to know.

She quickly twisted back to her original position when she saw Gobber was coming. A few seconds later, the door opened and Gobber did a weird hop into the car, heaving his leg prosthetic up last. He slammed the door, cutting off the cold stream of air he had let in.

“ALL RIGHT, LASSIE!” Gobber gunned the engine and it roared to life like a mad T. Rex. “And away we go!” The truck roared back onto the highway as Gobber picked up speed.

During the ride, Astrid studied the dashboard. It contained two clocks, a radio, a CD slot, and a bunch of buttons for the temperature and stuff like that. Astrid reached out to touch one.

“I would do that if I were ye, lassie!” Gobber broke off from the monologue he had been giving her on the importance of checking your car oil. “It turns the AIR CONDITIONING on MAX.”

Astrid snatched her hand back. “Ah. I see.”

“As I was sayin', 'Iccup was just standing there, a screwdriver in his hand, and what do you know! The lights in the garage were fixed! That's when I got him his own soldering kit.”

“Excuse me?” Astrid asked. “Could you repeat that?” She had only been paying half attention since she didn't really care about car oil, but the name Hiccup caught her notice. She hadn't known that Hiccup had known Gobber for that long.

“YEP! The lad fixed the electrical unit in the garage when he was just seven years old!”

“So Hiccup worked for you when he was seven?” Weren't there child labor laws or something like that?

“No. He used to come to the shop after school since Stoick wasn't around and tinker. That was after I'd already lost me hand and leg. Stoick and I used to be quite the team before that,” Gobber confided in her, swerving the truck over into the left lane to pass a car that was moving at least twenty miles per hour under the speed limit.

“You used to work on the police force?” Astrid asked, shocked. She braced herself against the door as Gobber swerved the truck back into the left lane and took a turn to downtown where his shop was located.

“OF COURSE I DID! GOOD TIMES, THOSE WERE! Bustin' up crime lords and drug rings.” Gobber sighed. “Those where the good old days. Now all we do is throw darts.”

“Throw darts?” Astrid wasn't really curious, she was just trying to keep the conversation going so she didn't have to think of anything to chat about.

“Aye, lassie! He has good aim!”

“He's the Chief of Police; I'd be worried if he didn't,” Astrid remarked. “You don't want a bad aim watching your back.”

“THAT'S TRUE!” Gobber jerked the tow truck into the parking lot of his Fix It Up Shop and slammed on the breaks. “I'll have this on a hydraulic lift in a jiffy!”

“Thanks. How much do I owe you for the tow?” Astrid asked, a little bit worried since she didn't have much cash on her and she didn't know if her insurance paid for tows. She started to dig her wallet out of her pocket.

“NONE OF THAT NOW, LASSIE!” Gobber bellowed as if her action had offended him. “Free of charge! Any friend of 'Iccup's is a friend of mine.”

Astrid breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much.”

“Speakin' of 'Iccup, would you mind goin' down to the basement and getting him for me? It'd probably be best if he looked at yer vehicle. I hate to say this, but the lad knows more than I do.”

Astrid pursed her lips, still irked at the redhead. “Sure.” She slid out of the truck and headed into the shop. She unlocked the steps into the basement and headed down.

“Hiccup?” she called into the dark. The lights were turned off, which was odd since he was always complaining about the lack of light whenever he worked. “Are you here?”

There was no answer. Astrid flipped on the light switch. Hiccup wasn't sitting as his table, but the screens were still on and running. “Gobber wants you, Hiccup – Hiccup?” Ever faithfully, the cot was crammed into its corner, only for the first time, Hiccup was actually  _ sleeping  _ on it, his messy red hair poking out from underneath a thin blanket. Astrid strode forward with purpose and started to lay a hand on his shoulder to wake him up.

Before she could touch him, he twitched in his sleep and muttered something inarticulate with a pained expression on his face. He started tossing and turning, his brow furrowed at something unpleasant going on through his head. Was he actually growling like a dragon? Astrid's hand connected with his shoulder and he jerked awake, hissing at her. His eyes were green, but they were now also deadly and ready to attack. Purple fire began building up behind his skin.

“Hiccup?” Astrid asked, her voice a pitch higher than normal when he continued to make threatening noises at her. What was going on with him? “Hiccup, it's me, Astrid.” She was tempted to add “the one you were gossiping about to  _ Camzi”  _ but thought that wouldn't be a good idea.

At the word “Astrid”, Hiccup's eyes cleared. “Astrid?”

“Yeah. What's wrong?”

“Astrid?”

Astrid tapped her foot in annoyance. “Yes, we've established that already. What's wrong? Why'd you go all crazy?”

_ “Astrid?” _

“Hiccup, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I will lock you down here with the twins the next time they're on a coffee high,” she threatened, sitting down on the floor and preparing to wait all evening if she had to as long as she got it out of him. Gobber could wait.

“I didn't mean to,” Hiccup told her slowly, like he was unsure of the words.

“You haven't done anything.”  _ Besides for gossiping about me behind my back, but that discussion can wait,  _ she sniped inwardly, her mind in a turmoil between helping Hiccup and staying mad at him.

Hiccup clutched his head with his hands and bent over like he was about to throw up. He groaned. 

“Are you sick? Should I go get a bucket?” Astrid searched the room with her eyes for a bucket. Maybe the one Toothless had eaten from was still in the back alley.

“I'm not sick,” Hiccup ground out through clenched teeth. “It's...it's...it's just...”

Astrid waited, knowing Hiccup would just clam up like a...clam if she demanded that he talked.

“Alvin wasn't really Alvin when he died,” Hiccup confessed in a big rush. “He was too far gone.”

“So you're saying Alvin is still out there?” Astrid's hand immediately went to her holster.

“No! Alvin died, but he wasn't really Alvin.” Hiccup wasn't making much sense, and he was getting frustrated with himself. Suddenly, he clamped a hand to his mouth and went bug-eyed. Getting off the cot and pushing past Astrid, he rushed to a scrap bin and retched.

“You're not  _ not  _ sick. Do you want me to call your dad, or Snotlout, or maybe even-”

“I told you I'm not sick!” Hiccup protested, still leaning over the bin. “Would you let me explain?”

“I tried, but you weren't making much sense!” Astrid snapped back, getting more irritated by the second. Hiccup was kind of breathing hard and looked like he was going to chuck again. Astrid crouched down next to him and started slapping him on the back.

“Just breathe. Count to thirty.”

“Not thirty,” Hiccup mumbled. “Fifty sounds better.” When the count was done, he looked considerably better.

“Now,” Astrid said gently, “what are you trying to tell me about Alvin?”

“Have you ever read  _ The Hobbit _ or  _ Slathbog's Gold _ ?” Hiccup asked.

“You've got to be kidding me!” Astrid howled, considering tearing her hair out. “You're feeling sick over a book?! Did a character die or something?”

Hiccup scowled. “No! I'm trying to create a parallel. Have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Read the books!”

“Oh.” Astrid scrunched up her nose in thought. What books had she read lately? Whatever ones they were, she was pretty sure  _ The Hobbit  _ and  _ Slathbog's Gold  _ weren't on the list. “I don't think so.”

“They're mostly about dragons. Do you know how they describe them?”

“I haven't read them,” Astrid reminded him. “I bet it was weird reading them, though, knowing that you're a dragon.”

“Eh. They describe them as evil. Creatures that want nothing more than to burn and hoard gold and kill.” 

“Oh.” The darkness of the basement seemed to close in on them. Astrid suddenly became conscious that Hiccup was part dragon, and she saw where he was headed. “You can't – I mean, you don't want to...kill?” She squeaked the last word out.

“Well, that sure killed the conversation,” Hiccup quipped wryly. “It's a mental game. There's a craving at the back of my mind all of the time to give in and become fully a dragon.”

Being, one of New Berk City's best detectives, Astrid connected more dots to form a picture. “Alvin gave in to the inner beast, didn't he? He wasn't human by the time he died. And you've been fighting for months. That's why you always look so tired and have bags under your eyes.”

“Those aren't bags. I'm trying out a new eye shadow for Ruffnut,” Hiccup deadpanned.

“Yeah, right. And I'm Freya.” The last of Astrid's anger was slipping away like water between her fingers.

Hiccup laughed weakly. “Thanks for everything, Astrid.”

“ARE YE TWO COMIN' OR WHOT?” Gobber shouted from above.

“Better go.” Hiccup stood up to leave.

Astrid stopped him before he could leave. “Hey, one more thing.”

Hiccup turned around. “Yeah?”

She hesitated for a second. “When I was at the movie theater...I heard you talking with Camicazi...”

“Oh.” Hiccup colored instantly. “How much did you hear?” he asked anxiously.

“Bits and pieces. The place was loud. Was it about me?” Astrid's eyes nearly popped out of her head when he nodded yes. “What?!”

“It's not what you think. I can't exactly tell you.” Hiccup turned a deeper shade of red. “Trust me, Astrid.”

Astrid eyed him for a second, debating whether or not she should pound him. “Fine.” She started walking past him and towards the exit, but at the last second whirled around and punched him in the arm.

“Ow!” Hiccup howled. “What was that for?”

“ _ That  _ was for gossiping about me,” Astrid said, satisfied that Hiccup had paid his dues for the moment.

Hiccup followed her up to the main floor of the garage, muttering under his breath the whole way. Gobber was waiting for them at the top.

“IT'S ABOUT TIME YE TWO SHOWED UP!” Gobber clapped Hiccup on the back, making the red head wince and clutch at his leg at the force.

“My car broke down,” Astrid informed Hiccup woefully, pointing at the specimen, which was on a lift.

“Okie dokie.” Hiccup limped over and grabbed a wrench. He messed around under the hood for a few minutes and then easing himself onto a mechanic's creeper, he slid under the car.

Astrid and Gobber waited with bated breath for the results. After Astrid had cracked each of her knuckles twice and her neck once, Hiccup slid out from under the car with a grim look on his face.

“You need a new fuel pump, oil pump, carburetor, gas tank, oil filter, spark plugs, alternator, engine, points, plugs, distributor, distributor cap, radiator hose, and breaks. Oh, and she could use a good wash.”

“In English?”

“A new car.”

“NO!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**13: Message in the Sky**

Astrid was unsure as to how Hiccup was going to lay the bait for Excellinor. However he did it would have to be out in the open, so Excellinor could see it from wherever she was hiding, but not so blatantly obvious that half of the Vikings in town showed up at the factory on Monday, the date they had planned. It was only on the Friday before the big event that Astrid got her answer.

“Hey, Milady.” Camicazi was at her lunch break, so Hiccup sat down in the thief's office chair.

“Aren't you supposed to be at a therapy session?” Astrid asked, signing her name to a document and without looking up.

“Nice to see you, too,” Hiccup drawled sarcastically.

“Sorry. But you know it's important.” Astrid set her pen down. “Well, you didn't come over here to have a debate over etiquette. What do you want?”

Hiccup grinned. “Come outside for a sec.”

Astrid stared at Hiccup suspiciously. “The twins didn't do anything bad, did they? I'm not about to go outside to clean up one of their messes, am I?”

“Nope. A one hundred percent guarantee that the twins had nothing to do with it.”

“Snotlout?” Astrid was covering all of her bases.

“No! And if you don't hurry up, it'll be gone by the time you get there.”

“Fine.” Astrid shut her computer and capped her pen. She followed Hiccup outside to the parking lot. “What am I supposed to be looking at?” she asked, observing her surroundings. Everything was the same: the weeds in the sidewalk that were growing like...weeds, the parking lot in bad need of several new paint jobs (but never going to get them because of budget cuts), and the busy traffic that roared past like the New Berk City 500. 

“You're looking in the wrong place,” Hiccup told her. “Up.”

“The movie?”

“No!  _ Look  _ up.”

Astrid did. “What in Ran's nets?” Smack dab in the center of the sky was an airplane. It flew in a precise pattern, letting of exhaust in certain places. Eventually, the words “Møt meg på paraplyfabrikken mandag ved skumringen” were spelled out in the sky in clouds, and as they were completed, crowds gathered in the streets.

“What does 'Møt meg på paraplyfabrikken mandag ved skumringen' mean?” Astrid asked, totally botching the pronunciation. “Assuming that you're the culprit behind all of this.” Already the words were fading and the plane was rewriting them.

“It means 'meet me at the umbrella factory on Monday at twilight' in old Norwegian.” Hiccup shielded his eyes to get a better look at the airplane. “I hope Excellinor gets the message soon. I'm paying the pilot by the hour.”

“You speak Norwegian?” Coincidentally, they were standing next to Snotlout's spray painted truck. Astrid leaned up against it to get more comfortable, even though she'd prop

Hiccup copied her. “ _ Ja. _ I figured Excellinor is old, ergo she would know it. Most old timers who also know it wouldn't waste the time to go out to the factory, but she would, of course. She's also good with languages, evident from the message she left on my wall.”

“Great idea. Wish I'd thought of it.”

“You would have.” Hiccup sighed, scratching a bit of the peeling paint off of Snotlout's fender. “I guess all we have to do now is wait until Monday.”

“Nuh uh. We've still got to set up our snow cone stand,” Astrid corrected. 

“Our...snow cone stand?” Hiccup asked, puzzled.

“ _ Yes,  _ Hiccup. Our snow cone stand.” Astrid winked at him repeatedly, hoping he would get the message. He did.

“Oh, yes, our snow cone stand.” Hiccup rolled his eyes, but smiled, which was Astrid's goal.

Astrid seized the chance. “Since you're in a good mood...”

Hiccup groaned and slapped his palm to his forehead. “I knew you would think of something. What do you want? Not another party, is it?”

“Nope! You're going to help me buy a car!” Astrid snapped her fingers and pointed at him.

“My wallet is  _ not  _ up for grabs,” Hiccup warned, backing away from her and waving his crutch in between them. “This Viking's out of money.”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Odin, you're such a skinflint. I'm checking out a possible ride on Berklist.” Berklist was a website for people who wanted to sell, trade, or buy just about anything. Once, one guy had taken a paperclip and traded up to a house on it. The previous night, Astrid had stayed up until one in the morning, pouring over cars, reading reviews, and checking gas mileage until she thought she found the right one.

Hiccup frowned. “What's my part in it?” he asked.

“You're going to be there for protection.” Astrid could defend herself, but it was an excuse to make Hiccup feel better.

“Where are you meeting them?”

“In front of the grocery store on Billiards street.” The store was in a nice, crowded sector of town, too, for extra safety. You never could know when a wacko would post something on Berklist, wanting to murder you. Astrid had arrested her fair share.

“You should have told whomever it is to meet us here,” Hiccup advised, a little late. “No deal can go wrong in front of a police station.”

Astrid stuck her tongue out. “Rats. I should have thought of that. Well, I want you there for extra dragon protection.  _ I'll be carrying a large sum of money.”  _ She dropped her voice to a low whisper so no one could hear her. Not that there were many people standing in the parking lot of the Berk Police Station. After all, it was lunchtime.

As if to remind Astrid of the last fact, her stomach gurgled. 

Hiccup must of heard it. “I think the cafeteria bought spam on sale, because that's all they're been serving for the past week.”

Astrid wrinkled her nose, pushing herself off the car. “I know. Bleh. You'd think they'd get the picture that  _ no one likes disgusting meat!” _

“You know, I read a book once-” 

Astrid couldn't help herself. “What?! You read a  _ book?!  _ No way!”

“Ha, ha, very funny. I read a book where a kid started a meat pie stand in a town.”

Astrid nodded, following along with the story.

“The thing is, the town's cats and dogs started going missing the day he started business.”

Astrid whacked him in the arm. “That's awful! I thought you loved dogs!”

“I'm a book lover, too. And Toothless isn't around to hear it.”

“It's still disgusting. For that, you owe me a lunch,” Astrid demanded. “And not at McDonald's.” 

“But they're the cheapest! Burgers for ninety-nine cents!” Hiccup protested, not budging from the side of the truck.

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Such a skinflint,” she said, emphasizing every word and poking him at every syllable. “I know your dad gave you a pay raise.” It was a little hunch Astrid had been nursing, and it turned out to be true because Hiccup winced.

“Fine,” Hiccup grumbled, “but you're paying for the gas to the restaurant.”

Astrid stared at him, much like Toothless did at her when he wanted a treat or a tummy rub.

“No gas then,” Hiccup was quick to amend. “Let's go.”

“Thanks!” Astrid wrapped an arm around his shoulder and steered him in the right direction as they started walking towards the restaurant-filled part of town. “I knew I could count on you!”

“Knew you could extort me is more like it,” Hiccup muttered, trying (and failing) to brush her off. But he allowed her to lead the way and didn't complain when it was time to pay the bill. That, Astrid decided, was true friendship.

…

“I  _ love  _ this car!” Astrid sang, spinning the wheel of her recently acquired car to make a sharp turn. “It has  _ heated seats!  _ And the air conditioning works!”

“I-I k-know!” Hiccup said from the passenger seat, teeth chattering. “C-can we m-maybe turn it o-off now t-that w-we know that i-it w-works? It's D-December for c-crying out l-loud!”

“I guess.” Astrid was too busy checking out the digital sign on the dashboard that told her how many gallons of gas were left in her tank. 

Hiccup reached over to press the button to turn the air conditioning off.

“WAIT!” Astrid swatted his hand away. “Watch this!” Putting her hands back on the steering wheel, she clicked a button. The air conditioning cut off. “You can control it from the wheel! How cool is that?”

“You forgot to turn left back there,” Hiccup informed her, rubbing his arms to get rid of the goosebumps. 

“No problemo!” Astrid chirped. “The trunk in this car is way bigger than the last one! And there are no rips in the seats!”

“I know! You've told me at least four times since you bought it.” Hiccup wasn't as thrilled as she was, especially since he had to pitch in four hundred dollars for the vehicle since the previous owner unexpectedly jacked up the price on her. Why he carried around four hundred dollars on a regular basis was a mystery to Astrid.

“Turn right,” Hiccup said.

“Quit being a backseat driver,” Astrid complained, taking the turn he indicated. She went on talking about the car. “The mirrors on the visors have their own lights. You can even control how bright they are! This is amazing!”

“Are you paying attention to the road?” Hiccup asked. “The factory is right up ahead. You can see the smokestacks from here.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know that the dashboard tells me how many miles per gallon I get? To one decimal place!”

“Does this car have  _ anything  _ wrong with it? Put on your turn signal.”

Astrid thought for a second. “The gas cap is on the right side of the car instead of the left.”

Hiccup face palmed and started counting to ten under his breath. 

“This place has sure gone to pot,” Astrid commented as she pulled into the first parking lot of the abandoned factory. The ruins from when N.E.S.T. had ambushed the Night Fury still had traces and wisps of ash and smoke swirling around, and the effect was downright spooky. Scorch marks littered  _ everything. _ Astrid slowed her pace to a crawl as to not damage her new car on the cracked concrete. “Where do I go?”

“That iron gate,” Hiccup said, pointing to the left of the factory ruins, “if you can even really call it that.” 

Astrid braked before passing through the remnants of the gate. “The rest of the place isn't like this, is it? I don't want to damage my new car.”

“No.” Astrid didn't see the eye roll, she  _ sensed  _ it. “You turn left after those propane tanks and the drums.”

“Ah. I see where we're going now.” Astrid put the car in forward and drove through the gates. Astrid followed Hiccup directions, and parked next to the rest of the gang's vehicles. The chutes blocked Astrid's view of the platform, but she assumed that they were all already up there.

“I hope the twins remembered to bring everything,” Hiccup said, stepping out of the car and jamming his sunglasses on his face against the glare of the setting sun. “It should snow soon. This is Berk, for crying out loud.”

“I know.”

“HELLO, DOWN THERE!” Ruffnut appeared on one of the rims of the chutes, dancing wildly and waving her arms.

“You're going to kill yourself!” Astrid shouted back.

Ruffnut didn't take heed of Astrid's warning. “COME AND JOIN US!” Astrid heard loud whoops and shouts coming from the platform.

“We'd better get up there before they knock the whole thing down.” Astrid started running, temporarily forgetting Hiccup couldn't run yet. She pounded up the ramp to the platform, which was covered in tire tracks, and was met with a disastrous scene.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**14: Silly String is the Thing**

As Astrid stood there, Hiccup came limping up behind her. “What in aviation?” he said, shocked.

He had good reason to be so. The whole expanse was coated in violently-colored silly string, with the twins, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Camicazi in the middle of the mess. Hiccup's equipment had made it there, but is was tangled like Snoggletog lights in a heap that was being used as a blockade against the sticky string.

“You are all thick-headed tree trunks!” Astrid remonstrated, carefully picking her way across the platform and checking for ice.

“We're just having fun, Astrid,” Camicazi complained, silly string woven throughout her hair. Astrid hoped she never got it out. “Don't you ever have fun?”

“Yeah!” the twins and Snotlout agreed.

“We're supposed to be  _ preparing.”  _ Astrid snatched the silly string bottle out of Tuffnut's hand and glared at Camicazi. “This is not helping. I can't believe you joined them, Fishlegs.”

Fishlegs avoided her gaze and muttered something incoherent.

“Lay off, Astrid.” Camicazi crossed her arms. “Not all of us are workaholics like you.”

Astrid's nostril's flared. She wasn't a workaholic – just dedicated! “At least I work hard!” she retaliated angrily.

“At least I'm not block-headed.” Camicazi jutted out her chin, not backing down.

“Tell her, Camicazi!” Snotlout cheered.

Astrid rounded on him. “Be quiet! Just be quiet! You don't have a dragon in this fight.” Her good mood vaporized. Why was everyone suddenly turning against her? Astrid marched as fast as she could across the silly string and got right in Camicazi's face. “At least you're a no good, lazy-”

“Whoa!” Hiccup interrupted, laying a hand on Astrid's arm and turning her around to face him. He stepped in between them. “Cut it out, you two.”

“She started it!” Camicazi insisted, stomping her boot on the ground. “I don't know what her deal is, but she's got one and it isn't good.”

Astrid snorted, sending steam into the crisp air.

“Astrid, please just let the mess go,” Hiccup begged, his hand still on her arm. “Please. You can deal with it after tomorrow, okay?” His eyes pleaded with her, and Astrid remembered how tired he had looked the previous night.

“Fine. But for you, not  _ her.  _ But can we clean this up now?” she asked. 

“I guess.” Ruffnut yawned, causing her twin to also yawn, which caused Fishlegs, Snotlout and Camicazi to yawn.

“No.” Hiccup removed his hand from her arm, leaving her feeling strangely empty, and clamped his yawn down. “Not going to.” 

Astrid snickered and faked a yawn. She kept an eye on him as she started dumping the silly string cans in a pile. The twins started scraping the string off every surface.

“Yawn, yawn, yawn,” Camicazi chanted, handing his wallet to him.

Hiccup tried to hide it behind his fist, but he yawned. 

“Aha!” Ruffnut cried. “You're one of us! You get into the club by yawning!”

“Where should we dump all of this silly string?” Fishlegs asked. “There's a lot of it.”

Astrid thought for a second. “Down a chute we're not going to use.” How about the one of the far left?” 

Once the equipment was uncovered, Hiccup crouched down and sat cross-legged by the pile. A bunch of chains and straps were tangled together, and he began patiently picking them apart.

“You're talented,” Astrid remarked, sitting down next to him. Camicazi wisely chose a spot on the opposite side of the mess, far away from Astrid

Hiccup smirked. “I've had tons of practice with apron ties.”

“You don't cook,” Astrid reminded him. “Since when do you own an apron?”

Hiccup didn't look up. “My mother was an avid cook and apron collector.”

“Oh.” Astrid gave him an awkward side hug, then pushed him away, blushing a little.

“Hey, Hiccup!” Camicazi shouted at him, thankfully diverting his attention. “Catch!” 

Hiccup looked up just in time to be clobbered in the face with his leather wallet. He fell backwards. “Ow!” he groaned, lying there and staring up and the sky.

Astrid scowled at Camicazi and moved to help him up. “Are you trying to kill him?”

Camicazi just laughed.

Astrid hauled Hiccup to his feet and he held up the assault weapon while rubbing his forehead. “Wait a second. How did you get this?”

“A magician never reveals her secrets!” Camicazi quoted, slapping her thighs and grinning ear to ear. “Take a good guess. You're smart – for a  _ boy,  _ of course.”

“ALL DONE, BABY!” Tuffnut hurrahed. He, Ruffnut, Fishlegs and Snotlout joined them at the pile. “Can we go home now? It's so cold.”

“The silly string messed up my hair gel,” Snotlout complained. “It's going to take weeks for me to get it perfect again. Do you know how hard it is to get the waves right?”

Ruffnut rolled her eyes. “No one cares about your hair, Snotlout.” 

“I do! Does anyone have a mirror?” Snotlout checked his pockets.

“I have one!” Fishlegs volunteered.

“We're not getting anything done,” Astrid muttered under her breath as a fight ensued, irritated at the delays that kept popping up. How were they going to accomplish everything?

“They're relaxing,” Hiccup said, wincing as an especially hard punch by Tuffnut was landed on Snotlout's face.

“Huh?” How was silly string and goofing off relaxing?

“Even though tomorrow is probably going to be fine, they're still nervous. This is how they blow steam off.”

_ “No fair!”  _ Snotlout howled. Camicazi had snuck up behind him and bonked him on the head. Poor Fishlegs was the only one trying to break up the fight.

“I thought this was how they always acted...” Astrid did, however, notice that Fishlegs was wringing his hands more than normal and the twins were on the same side of an argument for a once in a lifetime occurrence.

“Finally!” Hiccup and Astrid had resumed working on the tangled heap while they were talking, and now Hiccup pulled a harness, bolts, and blocks of metal out. “Let's get these bolted in!”

The fight had escalated and Snotlout and Ruffnut were wrestling on the ground, with Fishlegs unsuccessfully trying to pull off whomever was on top. Camicazi and Ruffnut were screaming at the top of their lungs for Tuffnut.

“Do you think we should break it up?” Hiccup asked anxiously. “They're getting kinda chaotic.”

Thinking of all the times Snotlout had tried to flirt with her, Astrid smirked. Maybe it wasn't a bad thing that he was losing. “There's nothing like a good fight, now that I think about it. Blowing off steam, eh?” But even she cringed as Ruffnut's fist met Snotlout's nose with an ugly crack.

…

Somehow, everything got set up and no one had to go to the hospital. The ambush system was pretty basic. The twins, Snotlout, and Fishlegs would be in the chutes (with safety harnesses so they wouldn't slide down), ready to just out and climb down camouflaged metal bars that served as ladders. Snotlout's push ups must have been doing him some good, because he had the fastest chute-exiting time. Camicazi, Astrid, and Hiccup would be on the platform to apprehend Excellinor. With Hiccup as their back up, what could go wrong?

Astrid dropped Hiccup off at his house. As he got out of her car, he absent-mindedly rubbed his leg.

“Are you trying to do too much?” Astrid asked, rolling down the window (which didn't stick halfway!) to talk to him.

“You're starting to sound like my dad,” Hiccup complained. “I am twenty-one years old. I think I can take care of myself.”

Astrid raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? Are you going inside the house to sleep, or to tinker on something?” He needed to take better care of himself.

Hiccup hesitated, bracing himself against her car window frame. “Well...”

“I knew it! Admit it, Dragon Boy. You're worried about tomorrow just as much as everyone else.” Hiccup was very good at hiding things; it was good that Astrid was getting very good at reading him.

“It's hard to sleep,” Hiccup confessed. “The dragon thingy and all. And what if something  _ does  _ go wrong tomorrow?”

“Have you thought of every thing humanly possible?” Astrid asked. The cold air coming in through the window was starting to make her hands feel numb, but she didn't care.

Hands still on her car door window, Hiccup stared off into space. “I think so,” he concluded finally. “I just can't wait until it's all done.”

“Neither can I. I tell you what, when this is all over, I'll take you out for coffee.” 

“Coffee?” Hiccup perked up instantly, apparently as much as a coffee addict as she was. “You'd really pay?”

Astrid smirked. “No, Snotlout would.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about your bet. Well, good night.” Hiccup pushed himself away from the car. “See you tomorrow, Milady.”

“Later, Dragon Boy.” Astrid sat there in his driveway for three more minutes after he went inside, unusually giddy at her nickname, before driving home.

Astrid had a late night snack of yogurt and headed off to bed, successfully avoiding Camicazi for the rest of the evening. That night she dreamed she was trapped in a metal box while a dragon tried to burn her, woke up, and decided that sleep was overrated. Coffee never tasted better. She immensely enjoyed driving her new car to work early, and didn't get honked at or cut off once for a change.

The next day at the office and Sunday were two of the longest days in Astrid's life. She would have paid Ruffnut and Tuffnut big bucks to cause chaos,  _ anything  _ to get her mind off of what was going to happen. Of course, it also had to be two of the quietest days on Berk. Camicazi proceeded to be productive, which made Astrid steaming mad when Stoick went around the office proclaiming about “Berk's Newest Star”. Not only was Camicazi trying to steal Hiccup from Astrid, but she was also trying to steal Astrid's job. Astrid vowed to fix the issue whenever Excellinor was caught.

Monday had to be the slowest of them all. The clock moved at precisely an hour a second, driving Astrid near up the wall. She needed action! She needed adrenaline pumping through her veins!

She was chewing her pen into an unrecognizable piece of her plastic around noon, when a hoarse voice whispered in her ear.

“Boo.”

Astrid gave a coarse shout (Astrid Hofferson had never screamed in her life!) and rammed her elbow into the face of whoever was standing behind her. He or she flew back into the desk behind Astrid's, sending paper everywhere.

“Ah, ha ha!” Camicazi chortled. “You should have seen your face!”

“It's not funny!” Astrid huffed.

“I'll say,” the occupant of the desk Camicazi had sprawled across muttered. Camicazi started helping him pick up his papers, chatting to him all the while about colored files. The man was laughing along with her in seconds, making Astrid wish she'd done more than elbow Camicazi.

“-and the next time you go to the store, be sure to buy red ones. Red ones are the best. Have a good 'un!” Camicazi chirped.

Astrid quickly discarded her chewed up pen and put a calm mask on her face. There was no reason to let Camicazi know that she was close to going mad.

“Was there a particular reason you decided to sneak up behind me and get yourself punched in the face? Or do you just do it for fun?” Astrid asked coolly, leaning back in her chair and clasping her fingers together her head to hide her chewed fingernails.

“Completely for fun!” Camicazi grinned. “You still should have seen your face. It was priceless.”

Astrid ground her teeth together, making a mental note to visit her dentist soon. She would need new crowns after all the teeth grounding Camicazi had been driving her to lately.

“What do you want, Camicazi? I have work to get done.” She drummed her fingers on a stack of paperwork for emphasis. 

Camicazi flipped her hair over her shoulder and wagged her eyebrows. “Just wanted to know if you were on your toes.”

“Oh?” Astrid tossed her own ponytail over her shoulder. “Well I am, for the record.”

Camicazi showed her white teeth. “Glad to know! See you at twilight!” And with that, Camicazi flounced out of the office, leaving Astrid mad and with an even slower clock.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**15: Surprise**

Astrid's footsteps made an eerie crunching sound on the pavement as she walked nearer and nearer to the umbrella factory. The sun was still in the sky and she had a nice warm coat wrapped around her, but chills still raced up and down Astrid's spine. When she arrived at the factory gates, the ruins seemed darker and eviler than before. Was that a ghost's howl she heard?

Astrid immediately reprimanded herself for being childish, and picked up her pace. Soon, she pounded up the ramp. The gang minus Hiccup and the twins were already there, rubbing their hands together to stay warm.

“Hey, darlin',” Snotlout drawled in greeting. “How was your day. Oopmh!” He went sprawling on the floor.

Astrid shook her hand out. “Don't call me darling. Hello, everyone.”

Camicazi and Fishlegs nodded at her. Snotlout groaned from the floor.

“Where's Hiccup?” Astrid asked, peering around the ground below them. “We need to get ready.”

Snotlout snicked. “Don't you mean to ask where the twins are, too?”

Astrid shot him a look. “That's what I meant.” She shielded her eyes against the sun, wishing she had sunglasses like Hiccup. They all stood around in awkward silence for about ten minutes, until the silhouettes of Hiccup, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut could be seen coming. 

Camicazi let loose a loud cat call. “They're in trouble!” 

Fishlegs groaned. “They need to be more responsible.”

Hiccup dragged the twins by the ears up the ramp, crutch nowhere to be seen. “-and I want you to write an apology letter, too!”

“But, Hiccup!” Ruffnut whined. “It was only an innocent prank!”

“No buts!” Hiccup dropped them down in front of Fishlegs. “Make sure they don't make a noise tonight, will you?”

“Nice to see you, too,” Camicazi drawled.

Hiccup's hair was in a cute mess and he looked completely annoyed. “You all ready?” he asked. “The sun's going to set pretty soon.

“Yeah,” they all chorused. Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Fishlegs each went to their chutes and climbed down inside. Astrid, Camicazi, and Hiccup simply backed up into the shadows. There wasn't really anything else that needed to be said. The job was going to be short and sweet, just the way Astrid liked it.

The sun sank lower, sending orange and yellow streaks across the sky. Darkness engulfed them all. Astrid resisted talking, even though she wanted to ask where Excellinor was. If Excellinor came, she came, and there was nothing Astrid could do but wait for her.

The moon broke through the clouds, illuminating the platform. Astrid shifted her scarf, which was damp with the perspiration from her breath. Astrid saw a tiny aqua glow from where Hiccup was, and she deduced that he had checked his watch. 

Camicazi bumped into Astrid, and then whispered in her ear, barely making a noise. “There she is.”

Astrid peered closer and saw a thin, frail shape picking its way up the ramp. As Excellinor got closer, Astrid could make out her features better. She had very scant, white hair that covered a warty skull. Her eyes were beady and black, like a spider's and she was dressed in all black like a ghost. 

When Excellinor was about thirty feet away from them, she stopped walking and spoke, revealing a set of rotting teeth. “Come out, Hiccup Haddock. I know you're there.” Her voice sounded like she gargled gravel instead of mouthwash. 

Hiccup, Astrid, and Camicazi stepped out of the shadows. Hiccup awkwardly cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. “I'm glad you could make it?”

Astrid elbowed him hard. How was not the time to be a dork. “Your time is up,” she stated matter-of-factly. “We know what felonies you've committed and-”

“Ha!” Excellinor sneered. “So the little fish bone brought along a crazy blonde and a thick-headed woman to be his back up. Scared, runt?”

Camicazi jutted her chin out defiantly. “You're the one who should be scared, Excellinor.”

“We know that you want to get revenge for Alvin,” Hiccup broke in, “but I didn't kill him on purpose. He kind of did it to himself.”

“Ha!” Excellinor spat again. “Alvin. So what? He did the same thing to me.” Her left eye twitched, morphing into a dragon's eye before slowly changing back. “I know you killed him, runt.”

The three exchanged glances, surprised. So Excellinor had gotten the same DNA morph that Hiccup had. She didn't seem too upset over that  _ or  _ her son. Why?

“You've grown so much,  _ fish bone,”  _ Excellinor taunted, then doubled over in a coughing fit. She angrily wiped her mouth, and her hand came away covered in blood.

“Then why go through all the trouble of writing that message onto my wall and breaking into my house?” Hiccup questioned. 

Excellinor laughed, the sound echoing off the shell of the factory. “Give me what I want, runt.”

Hiccup's nostrils flared at the third use of the word. “I don't know what you're talking about, and I'm not a runt.”

“Really?” Excellinor jeered. “I know all about the night you escaped from N.E.S.T. You burned down quite a lot, but before you read something.”

Hiccup stiffened, and Astrid wished she knew what Excellinor was talking about.

“Yes, you read something,” Excellinor sang. The wind picked up and her hair started flapping in the breeze, making her look even more like a ghost. “A little formula wasn't it? The formula for the radiation treatment for mutation. Oh, yes. You know what I'm talking about.”

Hiccup's eyes turned a darker shade of green and seemed to glow darker at the mention of the formula.

“Hiccup?” Astrid whispered. “Do you know...?” If Hiccup knew the formula, and Excellinor got her claws on it, the results would be devastating.

“Yes,” Hiccup answered her, glaring at Excellinor. “But what makes you think I'd give it to you?”

“You're hardly in a position to negotiate,” Camicazi remarked idly, inspecting her nails. “There's three of us and one of you.”

“Oh, dearie me. I'm sorry.” Excellinor sounded anything but sorry. “Didn't you forget someone?”

Dread grew in Astrid's stomach as something cold and metallic pressed against her neck: a knife. Thick, sinewy arms even stronger than Astrid's wrapped around her. She fought and fought, but couldn't break loose.

“How about now, Hiccup Haddock?” Excellinor sneered. “How about when the girl you love is in danger? Checkmate, I think.”

Astrid choked.  _ The girl he loves?  _ She was going to...do something. 

“Let her go!” Hiccup demanded, advancing towards Excellinor. Astrid hadn't known he could look so murderous.

The knife pressed closer to Astrid's neck, drawing a hot drop of blood. “Not a step closer,” Excellinor warned, “or she dies. Call off your friends in the chutes who want to ambush. That goes for the thief, too.”

Camicazi had been trying to sneak up behind the mysterious person who was holding Astrid but Excellinor motioned her away. Camicazi moved back, her hands in the air.

“You can't overpower me in a fight, _Dragon Boy._ I definitely turn into a bigger dragon than the _Night Fury._ Now how about it, Hiccup Haddock the Third?” Excellinor smiled contemptuously. “Should I kill her like I killed your mother?”  
Hiccup stepped back like a semi truck had run him over. “My...mother?”

“ _ You _ remember that night in the alley. Sure, it was Alvin who held the gun, but who do you think has all the brains in the Treacher family? I was the one who told him to do it! Valka didn't give me what I wanted, and if you don't tell me what the formula is, the same thing will happen to her.” Excellinor pulled out a gun from a hidden pocket in her jacket and cocked it. “Well, Hiccup Haddock?” she asked, training it on Astrid. 

Astrid fought to get free. Whatever happened, Hiccup could  _ not  _ give the formula to Excellinor. Astrid tried slamming her head back into whomever was behind her, but the guy's chest was like a barrel and stars danced before her eyes.

Hiccup's mouth moved soundlessly, his eyes still wide in shock. His face clouded in defeat, and he started to speak, but Astrid cut him off.

“Don't you dare tell her a single thing, Hiccup Haddock!” she shouted. “If you do, I'll kill you! Haunt you! Whatever!”

“I'm giving you five seconds,” Excellinor hissed. “Five.”

Hiccup turned around to face Astrid. “I can't let you die!”

“Who cares about me?” Astrid asked, sounded braver than she felt.

“Four....three....”

“Don't tell her!” Astrid yelled.

“I can't, Astrid!” Hiccup shouted right back at her, and it might have been the light, but Astrid thought she saw tears leaking down his face.

“Two!” Excellinor crooned.

“DON'T TELL HER!” Astrid put as much force into the syllables as she could.

“One! Too late!” Excellinor screeched. The bear behind Astrid shoved her forward, and Astrid fell onto the ground. 

Unable to move, she squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the bullet to come. Her mind raced through everything she hadn't done in life. She hadn't straightened out the twins, traveled anywhere, or even beat her uncle Finn in chess! She regretted that she never had cared about the full life she had until now.

The gun went off with a loud bang, and Astrid expected to die. But she didn't, and the sound of a body collapsing reached her ears. Astrid looked up. 

Camicazi lay on the ground, bleeding profusely.

“No!” Astrid shouted, but she didn't have time to check if Camicazi was all right. She pushed herself off the ground and lunged at Excellinor. Both of them fell to the ground and Astrid wrestled with her for the gun. It went off again before Astrid threw it off the platform.

The twins, Fishlegs, and Snotlout exploded out of the tubes to assist with the man. Hiccup was leaning over Camicazi, desperately trying to stop the blood. The second of distraction was all it took for Excellinor to punch Astrid in the face and roll away. Astrid tried to follow, but just like a ghost, Excellinor disappeared.

Snotlout pinned the man down on the ground. “I need handcuffs here!”

Astrid pulled a set off her belt and tossed them to him as she ran to Camicazi and Hiccup. “Is she going to be all right?” she asked, kneeling by them.

“Right as rain,” Camicazi drawled weekly.

“We need bandages!” Hiccup started taking off his coat. “Someone call nine-one-one!”

“How could you do such a stupid thing?” Astrid fumed. Why had Camicazi risked her life for her? 

Camicazi's head lolled to the side.

“Hey! You're not going to die!” Astrid lightly slapped Camicazi in the face. “Don't fall asleep!”

Hiccup ripped a strip of fabric off the bottom of his shirt. “You're going to be all right,” he told Camicazi, pressing the fabric against the wound. “Just hold on.”

Someone – Astrid was too busy focusing on Camicazi to tell who – yelled into his or her phone, and the wails of sirens filled the air as the sky opened up and rain poured down on the sorry scene. 

“I'm not going to die,” Camicazi mumbled. “I'm too young. I never returned Stoick's toy sheriff badge.”

Hiccup frowned. “He was wondering where that went. How'd you get it?”

Astrid scowled at him before realizing that he was keeping Camicazi talking, which was a good thing. If she was talking, she wasn't dead.

“Easy. I simply...” Camicazi trailed off.

Astrid whacked her across the face. “Hey! You're not going to leave us hanging!”

“I simply... What were we talking about?” Camicazi blinked dramatically to clear her eyes of rain, which would have made Astrid laugh in a different situation.

Behind Astrid, an ambulance swerved into the parking lot. The twins hollered to get their attention. Astrid and Hiccup stayed with Camicazi before the ambulance loaded her into the back and the vehicle screeched out of the parking lot with blaring sirens, leaving the gang staring after it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**16: Reprieve**

Astrid was a firm believer in not giving flowers to people. Ever since her uncle Finn's wife died, she'd associated bouquets with funerals and marriages, neither of which she was concerned about at the moment. Whenever she walked by the florist, however, and saw black roses, she knew Camicazi would get a kick out of them.

True to her personality, Camicazi raved about them. Paying no heed to all of the wires hooked into her, she jabbered about them for nearly a half hour. “The black will totally match the set of fingerless gloves Hiccup gave me.” As she proclaimed the beauty of the black roses, she accidentally threw an arm wide and disconnected the wire to her heart monitor. A panicked nurse came rushing in.

When things had been cleared up, and Camicazi was in the green, the nurse left, not before admonishing Astrid and Camicazi to “not get agitated.”

“So.” Camicazi blinked at Astrid, who had decided to sit in a chair not next to the bed, but not miles away either. “How's Hiccup?”

Astrid choked on the bottled water she's brought to clear her throat. “You got shot in the chest, the bullet barely missing your heart, and you want to know  _ how Hiccup is?” _

Camicazi rolled her eyes. “I think he's in more danger than anyone else at the moment.”

“Tell that to the bandages wrapped around your chest,” Astrid muttered. She raised her voice. “Why did you do it?”

“Knock the heart monitor? I thought the nurse would like the excitement.”

It was Astrid's turn to roller her eyes. “Why did you save my life is what I meant.”

“Oh.” Nearly upsetting the heart monitor again, Camicazi waved a bored hand. “ _ That.  _ Because the paperwork would be too much to fill out.”

Astrid played with the tip of her braid. “But you hate me more than you hate paperwork.”

“Oh, please.” Camicazi yawned. “I don't hate you. It's just how I am – you can ask Hiccup for confirmation. Just because we got off on the wrong foot and you're jealous that Hiccup and I were friends-”

_ “I'm not jealous!” _

“-but aside of that, I completely understand!”

Astrid flicked her braid over her shoulder. “I'm sorry for the way I acted. I should know that Hiccup wouldn't ditch either of us.”

“And?” Camicazi prompted, crossing her arms.

“And thank you for saving my life.”

“Excellent! Now, go talk to Hiccup. He needs emotional support after what that white lady said, and since they aren't going to let me leave, your the woman for the job. I'm getting tired, and I think that if you don't leave, the nurse is going to kick you out again. The pain meds they give me are  _ awesome.  _ I saw a snake on the ceiling the other night. Do you know if any purple snakes live around Berk?” Camicazi yawned.

Astrid left Camicazi like that and went to obey her wishes.

…

Feeling slightly awkward, Astrid rang Hiccup's doorbell. Silence reigned the night. Getting cold, Astrid on the door with her knuckles. There was still not answer. Finally, getting over her reluctance, she slammed on the door with the flat of her palm.

“I know you're in there, Hiccup Haddock, so don't you dare try to pretend you're not!” If he didn't answer, she was seriously considering breaking open the door, just to make sure that he was okay.

An eternity later, Astrid heard things crashing around inside, and the door opened a crack. Hiccup peered out, his hair messy and clothes askew. His leg was missing, and a trail of items on the floor indicated he'd tripped over half the place trying to get to the door.

“Uh. Hi.”

“Hi yourself.” Astrid cut straight to the heart of the matter. “I want you to quit moping, eating tubs of ice cream, and waiting reruns of the  _ Brady Bunch.” _

Hiccup scratched his head. “I'm.... not watching the  _ Brady Bunch?”  _ he almost asked, puzzled.

“Since when did you wear bunny pajamas?” she asked. 

“Since when did you come to my house to question me about my pajama habits?” he countered. He leaned up heavily against the door frame, almost losing his balance. Astrid moved to help him, but he brushed her away. 

“Quit-” Astrid took a deep breath. She wasn't there to get onto Hiccup, she was there for emotional support like Camicazi had said.. “I came here to apologize. My stupidity almost killed Camicazi. I should have been more alert and paid more attention and  _ moved.  _ I'm sorry, Hiccup. Will you please forgive me?” She sucked in a big breath.

“You...think I'm mad at you?” Hiccup sounded surprised.

“Well, aren't you?” She would be mad at herself if she had gotten her best friend shot.

“No.” Hiccup sighed. “I'm not mad at you. Why would you think that?”

Astrid was beginning to believe Hiccup had hearing issues. “She was  _ shot. In the chest. _ ”

“If we're blaming somebody for her being shot, it was me,” Hiccup said miserably. “I didn't do anything!”

“But-”

“I stood there like an idiot, just like six years ago, and another person almost died because of it.”

“You didn't have much of a choice!” Astrid retorted, crossing her arms. “You couldn't have very well given the formula to Excellinor!”

“That guy had you held by the neck! Remember the night my house got ransacked? I thought there was a second person involved, and that must have been him. So it's my fault for forgetting about him! I didn't even prepare that well!” Hiccup's voice rose as he went on.

“It's my fault for not being able to get rid of him!” Astrid yelled right on back.

“Well, I should have gotten rid of him so you didn't have to get rid of him!”

Suddenly, she realized that they were standing nose to nose, yelling at the top of their lungs at each other.

Astrid broke the awkward silence without hesitation. “Are you even thinking about Camicazi?”

To not be in an even more awkward position with the door wide open and flies coming in, Hiccup moved outside of his house and shut the door slightly. “What do you mean, am I thinking about her? Of course I am!”

“No, you're not, because Camicazi doesn't want you to mope around your house for days in your pajamas,” Astrid pointed out. “She wants you to live!”

“I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be stuck in the hospital!” Hiccup grumbled. “It's not like she's dead or anything.”

“But she got shot in the chest, and there isn't much we can do about it.” Astrid wasn't trying to be harsh; she bit her tongue at her own words until she could taste blood. It was just the truth. “So are you going to stay in your house for the rest of your life because of something that happened today and years ago, sitting around and moping, or are you going to get a move on it?”

“Sit around and mope,” Hiccup mumbled.

Well, Astrid wasn't going to let him. “Excuse me, I didn't hear that. Care to repeat it? If Camicazi were well enough to lecture you right now, she'd call you a jellyfish in a skirt,” Astrid continued. “Right after stealing your wallet.”

Hiccup gave her a weak grin, the mental cogs of his mind almost visibly turning.

“So are you coming with me to the office or not?” Astrid asked. “We have work to get done and a get well card to sign.”

Hiccup coughed into his fist. “Fine. Give me a second to get my crutch and leg.”

Astrid grinned. “Now that's more like it.”

…

_ Oh, she hates him, with every cell in her decaying body. She hates him! Everything was supposed to go so well! The runt AND the blonde were supposed to be dead, she would have the formula, and revenge would be filled! She would rule the world and accomplish everything her wimp of a son had failed at doing. The thief had ruined everything with her heroism _ .  _ While others might have whispered the word in respect and awe, Excellinor spat and cursed it. The anger that should have been fulfilled only built up to a new raging crescendo, and Excellinor knew that Hiccup Haddock the Third would have to die by her claws at the mercy of her power. _

Watch and wait, Excellinor,  _ she told herself,  _ watch and wait. He will show.  _ And if he didn't, she would hunt him down the corners of the earth and quench her thirst for revenge. _

_ … _

_ He hadn't known he could feel so. He wasn't normally inclined to anger, but now he was smoking mad. Excellinor had almost taken away two of is friends and ripped open a scab of the past. Hurt was building up inside of him like a wire under tension, ready to snap. On the way home, he scoops up something he knows investigators will look for; they will not find their goal. _

_ He will use it. _

_ He will avenge the one who died for him years ago. _

_ He will feel complete. _

…

“So what are you going to do about Excellinor?” Astrid asked as she and Hiccup strolled through the park.

“I don't know,” Hiccup muttered, rubbing his chin. He had completely ditched his crutch. Astrid didn't think that was wise, considering that she could count the number of times he'd been to physical therapy on one hand  _ and  _ have some left over, but if she asked, he would get all up tight.

“Ambushing her won't work again. Not that did in the first place, even if we did catch her goon.” Astrid rubbed her neck where the scab from the knife was slowly starting to heal.

“No.”

“I don't suppose...” Astrid trailed off, forgetting where she was going, and kicked a muddy pine cone across the paved walk way. “We could...”

“Nothing time consuming.” Hiccup sighed, the motion having more weight than normal. “We don't want her running around.”

“With a gun,” Astrid agreed.

Hiccup's lips pursed together, and was it just Astrid's imagination, or did his eyes get harder? “Yes, with a gun.”

“We've got to think of something,” Astrid bemoaned. “Something that doesn't have the twins input smacked all over it.”

They walked in silence for a couple of moments until Hiccup suddenly stopped. “Cami's mom called me and said to tell you that she'll be coming by for some 'necessities' Camicazi wanted. I believe there was something about a Care Bear stuffed animal, but you can't believe everything Snotlout says.”

“Oh. I don't think she has a Care Bear stuffed animal, but you never know. How's your head?”

Hiccup frowned at the change of subject. “Bad. Really bad. I ate a raw fish last night.”

“Whole?” Astrid was almost shocked.

“No. In halves.” Hiccup chewed his lip in agony.

“It's only because Excellinor rattled you,” Astrid assured him. “It'll get better.” At least, she thought.

“I hope so. Talk to you later?” Hiccup asked. They had reached the parking lot.

“Yeah. Sure.” Astrid gave Hiccup a little half wave as he hobbled away, lonely and sad as he scrunched up in his coat.

**17: Sample, No Thank You**

Over the next couple of days, Camicazi's desk filled with get-well cards and small toys. Someone even dropped off a coin-counter bank, although Astrid had already been to the hospital to give her a swear jar for every time she stole something in the future. Already, five dollars had accumulated, and more were sure to come.

Hiccup didn't get much work done, as far as Astrid could tell. He sat at his desk (forgoing  _ more  _ therapy sessions!) and stared off into space. His pens were looking about in as good conditions as Astrid's wastebasket full of chewed up pencils, which was bad, considering that the rest of his desk was always as clean as a pin.

Astrid was busy chewing her own pencil and tapping her foot against the floor when Hiccup marched over to her and slammed a fist down on her table.

“Uh, hi?” Astrid casually asked, twirling her pencil around her thumb. In actuality, she knew that he needed to decompress and had been about ready to go drag him out to go get coffee.

“I know what to do.” Hiccup stared her straight in the eyes. He didn't look like he had gotten much more sleep, if any at all.

“What?” she asked eagerly. 

“You'd kill me if I told you,” he said gravely. “But you'll find out after it happens.”

“You've got to be kidding me.” Astrid glowered at him, cheeks flushing. “We do things together, Hiccup.” Astrid now slammed  _ her  _ fish on her desk. “We made a deal.”

“You're cute when you get mad.”

Astrid's mouth worked wordlessly. How could Hiccup be so  _ idiosyncratic?  _ “Don't you  _ dare  _ try to change the subject, Hiccup Haddock the Third! You're nuts! You can't deal with someone like Excellinor on your own! Don't you remember? She can turn into a dragon, too!”

“I'm not letting you get hurt again,” Hiccup said stubbornly.

“I'll go to your dad,” Astrid threatened. “I'll get Snotlout to do something.”

“Go ahead. We're all stubborn Vikings around here.”

Astrid clenched her fist, anger rising at every stupid sentence that came out of Hiccup's mouth. “Did you not hear me? This conversation is feeling very one sided.  _ Excellinor has a gun!  _ Why'd you come over here to tell me if I can't help you? _ ” _

“I hear you, Astrid.”

“Oh, yeah?” She snorted. “Well, you're sure not listening!” Done with him, she slammed her computer shut, grabbed an item from her desk drawer, and shoved everything into her messenger bag. She brushed past him roughly, and on the way, landed a punch on his shoulder. “That was for being block-headed!” she yelled over her shoulder as she marched out the door.

“Astrid, wait!” Hiccup called after her.

“I can't hear you!” she proclaimed testily as she exited. She did not look back.

It was wrong and possibly illegal. Astrid probably shouldn't have done it, but when she bumped into Hiccup, she had slipped a tracking device into his pocket. Hiccup had actually made the thing for her while he was in the hospital, and now she was using it against him. He was a complete moron if he thought that she was going to let him face anything on his own.

_ He deserves it,  _ Astrid decided, opening up the connected app on her phone. She was at her own house now, but the second Hiccup left his, she would be trailing his back like a tick. A very annoying tick. How hard could it be to track a one-legged redhead?

Apparently, it was very hard. 

First off, Hiccup didn't use his crutch. Second off, with his fingerless gloves, ratty coat, and limp, Hiccup could have passed off for any other homeless guy. Third off, he wore a hat so his hair wasn't visible.

Astrid ground her teeth in frustration, trying to navigate the app and keep track of Hiccup with bulky gloves on. She was beginning to see why Hiccup liked his fingerless gloves. Between them, the wool scarf, AND her parka, she was about as mobile as a walrus on anesthesia. 

She had to push her way through the crows on the street's sidewalk, yelling “Sorry!” and “Excuse me!” at the people she elbowed past. Then the worst possible thing happened: Her phone flashed a five second warning and then promptly died.

“You can't quit on me, you dumb electronic!” Astrid yelled at it.

“Free sample, Miss?” A clerk standing in front of a beauty salon store stepped in front of her and held something out.

“I'll give you a sample,” Astrid snarled, not trying to be mean, only in too much of a hurry to bother with politeness or check the product out. The distraction was all it took for her to lose sight of Hiccup. “Now look at what you've done!” she groaned and took off again. Why did all the crowds have to be out in the streets when she was searching for someone? It was dinner time! They should have been at home, eating!

_ Where was Hiccup? _

Astrid got her answer, and it did not please her one iota.

A large, bat-like shape rose above the skyline of New Berk City, except Astrid knew it wasn't a bat. It was the Night Fury.

Hiccup had finally changed, and he could fly! The injury to his leg didn't affect a thing, and he somersaulted through the clouds and roared joyfully.

_ No _ , Astrid realized with alarm,  _ not joyfully.  _ He was issuing a challenge to Excellinor.

Astrid turned to a woman next to her on the sidewalk. “Give me your cellphone.  _ Now!”  _ Astrid's tone was so authoritative that the woman didn't hesitate. Astrid dialed the whole gang, barked a cryptic message along the lines of “Get your sorry excuses for Vikings down here!” and stared helplessly at the sky, searching for any sign of Excellinor. What had possessed Hiccup to try to take her down alone and without his team?

The Night Fury roared again, drawing a crowded of people who gawked at the spectacle. The Night Fury hovered in the air for a second, and it looked as if his challenge would go unmet.

“Look, Mommy!” a little girl cried from Astrid's left. “A dragon!”

“Yes, Emily, I see,” her mom said. “It's black, isn't it?”

“No, Mommy! It's white!” Emily exclaimed.

Astrid's head snapped around, her eyes frantically searching for the white dragon Emily saw. They landed on a ragged white shape twice the size of the Night Fury that arose from the skyline like Hiccup had.

…

_ Oh, how long she had waited for the call, the challenge, the  _ summon.  _ She could not have stopped herself if she had known what was coming beforehand: _

_ The hot rage rushed to her head, and the instinct to go  _ wild  _ pulsated through her mind. She shed what had once been the sickly body of Excellinor and exchanged it for power, might, and carnage. She was the White Death. Excellinor was temporarily gone, but her mission didn't dissolve into nothing like her consciousness had. _

_ No matter what happened, the black dragon had to die. _

…

Unknowingly, Astrid dubbed the white dragon what the white dragon had dubbed itself: the White Death. It was a perfect fit. The dragon arose in the air like a corpse. It might have been pure white, but even from her place on the ground, Astrid could smell decay on it.

It opened its jaws, displaying black teeth and a blood red mouth, and roared back at the Night Fury. The White Death might have been twice the Red Death's size, but there was no doubt that it could beat Hiccup, and it seemed to know that. It took its time gliding around Hiccup like a hawk that had cornered its prey, occasionally flapping its white wisps of wings.

Delaying it was cruel, Astrid decided, clenching her fists. If only she had wings! “Oh, Hiccup!” she berated him, even though he couldn't hear her from his altitude. Her nails dug into her palms, and Astrid bit her lip. Warily, the two dragons circled each other, neither willing to make the first move, reminding Astrid of the staring contests that she used to have with her father.

Finally, the White Death caved in and dove through the air at the Night Fury, long talons outstretched like a wolf closing in on its kill. The Night Fury waited for her, and at the last second dove to the side, his claws flashing. The two scratched at each other, and the battle began.

Chills spread through Astrid's bones, and it had nothing to do with the weather that was already cutting into her shoulders. Dragons not being a common thing since the past year in New Berk City, Astrid had not seen many reptilian fights in her life. When the the Night Fury and the Red Death had been fighting, she had been busy trying to defend herself against a crowd of goons. Now, there was nothing to distract her, and it drove her insane.

“Are we too late? What's going on?” Ruffnut ran up beside Astrid; Tuffnut, Snotlout, and Fishlegs were at her heels.

“Moldy Midgard!” Tuffnut exclaimed. “He can't fight her!”

It was true. The only advantage the Night Fury had over the White Death was his speed. It took the bigger dragon twice as long to do anything. Astrid winced as the black dragon almost had his tail bitten off.

Police sirens wailed through the air, and police cars arrived at the scene, parking haphazardly. No one really cared because they were all watching the ongoing fight, and – in true Viking style – cheering for their resident superhero, the Night Fury.

“STOP YOUR FIGHT. I REPEAT, STOP YOUR FIGHT.” A captain Astrid didn't recognize efficiently plugged in a megaphone and started shouting at the stop of his lungs into it, nearly blowing out everyone at the scene's eardrums.

_ What good was that going to do?  _ Astrid wondered. It was like asking Snotlout to stop buying hair gel or asking the twins not blow anything up for twenty-four hours!

“That's it! Whoop the white thingy!” a man twenty feet away from the group yelled as the Night Fury swatted the other dragon across the snout, narrowly missing a return stroke. No blood had yet to be drawn, but the spectators were certainly cheering for it. Didn't they know that it wasn't a game? 

“Cuz has got a fan club,” Snotlout snickered. 

“He's not going to win!” Fishlegs wailed, pulling out his phone calculator. “That dragon is twice his mass, and the velocity of the-”

“Oh!” Astrid sucked in a breath, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She could have been up there, ravaging the White Death. She 2as strong! The only problem? She didn't have wings. She would have to work on that...

Making an unexpected move, the White Death raked a talon across the Night Fury's flank. The two dragons separated, the White Death roaring in triumph, and the Night Fury roaring in pain.

“Where are fireworks when we need them?” Ruffnut moaned, tearing hands through her hair and thoroughly tangling the blonde mess.

Astrid wholeheartedly agreed with her crazy friend for once. Fireworks would surely make a dent in the big dragon, if not help end the scrimmage completely. In the sky, finesse was thrown to the wind, and the two dragons full out brawled. Suddenly, Ruffnut's words rang a bell, and a light bulb went off in Astrid's head. “Fireworks! Tuffnut, where can one hypothetically buy the biggest fireworks on Berk?”

A few seconds later, her arms were yanked out of their sockets as the twins took off running down the streets. “Oh, you’re going to love Uncle Tony!” Ruffnut chattered, to Astrid seemingly oblivious to the pressing time schedule. “He's the best thing since... sliced bread! Roman candles!”

The twins pulled her around several corners, distorting her sense of direction, lassoed her around in front of them, and pushed her into a shady-looking shop she didn't have the time to catch the name of. The building was very dusty and dark; Astrid couldn't see very much, and that was probably on purpose. Snotlout and Fishlegs stayed outside.

“Uncle Tony!” Ruffnut sang. “We have a customer for you!”

A door behind a dusty counter opened and a large man in a wife beater and baggy sweats stepped up to the counter. “Ruffnut! Tuffnut! How are Uncle Tony's two favorite customers doing?” He dramatically rolled his r's.

“Fine as frogs' hair,” Ruffnut answered, leaning up against the counter and giving “Uncle Tony” a big, but genuine, smile. “We need the biggest thing you've got.”

Tony rubbed his shin, which possessed a five o'clock shadow. Or maybe it was actually the shadows of the shop, because it was kind of hard to tell. “Uncle Tony is not sure he should give it two you. Have they been good?” he addressed Astrid.

“VERY!” Astrid checked her watch. How much time had passed? Hiccup could have been killed already, and here Uncle Tony was asking the twins if they had been good or not! Of course they hadn't!

“Uncle Tony-” he began again.

“Uncle Tony better get it fast or he will face the wrath of a HOFFERSON!” Astrid hissed, showing him her knuckles. Normally, she wouldn't have threatened a civilian, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Faster than you could have said, “Red leather, yellow leather”, four boxes of the most gargantuan (and most illegal) boxes of fireworks were in front of them on the counter.

“Free of charge!” Uncle Tony swallowed nervously.

“Thanks!” Tuffnut snatched the box, and they were back out on the street again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**18: To Revenge, or Not to Revenge**

Astrid shielded her eyes as she ran, swooping by Snotlout and Fishlegs and nearly stopping in relief when she saw that they were still fighting and the Night Fury hadn't been done away with. The only downside was that thick, hot drops of blood were dropping from both dragons, and Astrid couldn't see who was bleeding more. She hoped it wasn't the Night Fury.

“Set them up in clear range!” Astrid barked when they got closer to the continuing fight. “I hope your aim is good, because if you hit Hiccup I will see you  _ fired!” _

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Fishlegs asked.

“Help them with the angles and whatnot. You're good with that kind of stuff.” Astrid turned to Snotlout. “Keep people away from here. Break dance or something. I don't care what you do as long as we don't get arrested.”

“I love this plan! I'll take care of this!” 

Astrid stood, mildly fascinated by the fact that Snotlout could, in fact, break dance, and he was pretty good at it. 

“Have you got it set up yet?” she asked the firework crew, tearing her eyes away from Snotlout.

“Almost,” Tuffnut grunted.

“A little to the left,” Fishlegs advised. “The Coriolis Effect dictates-”

“I don't care,” Ruffnut said, moving the object in question to the left. “You don't use that junk when you graduate from high school. In fact, you use the education you get for free in elementary and middle school  _ more  _ than the education you pay big bucks for in college! It's all a scam to force young adults to -”

“WOULD YOU STOP THAT?” Astrid roared. “You've already paid for a degree, and you aren't getting a refund! Are you almost done?” She took another peek at the sky. The White Death and the Night Fury had been climbing higher and higher, but now they were spiraling back down to the ground.

“You need to time it perfectly so it hits her, not Hiccup.” 

“Re- _ lax,  _ Astrid,” Tuffnut huffed. “What do you think we do at work all day, mess around?”

“Yes!” Astrid hated how the fight was going. Now that the dragons were closer, she could see that the white dragon was beating the Night Fury. “COME ON, YOU IDIOT!” Astrid screamed at the sky, hoping he could hear her. “You beat Alvin! She should be a piece of cake!”

As if he could hear her (and who wouldn't, with that volume?), the Night Fury shot a blast of purple fire at the White Death's chest, doing a fair bit of damage and separating him from it. It was just the chance the twins needed; they took aim, fired, and ran for the hills.

The result was glorious. Streaks of purple and red shot into the sky and barreled into the White Death's wings.

“Yes!” The twins slapped high fives as the white dragon tried to flap its wings and failed miserably. The Night Fury circled above it, blasting it almost angrily. The White Death's wings finally gave out and it began to plummet to the ground.

“Why isn't he finishing her off?” Snotlout asked, finishing his show.

“I don't know!” The Night Fury was being awfully slow. Instead of rushing Excellinor and pinning her to the ground, he was forcing her lower and lower until they were below the tops of New Berk City's skyscrapers.

“Why is he doing? Come on!” Astrid took off running, and the gang followed her, abandoning the fireworks. Why wasn't Hiccup forcing the White Death their way? She didn't know the pinpoint location of the two dragons were, but she took off in the general direction. How hard could it be to miss a couple of fire-breathing lizards?

Stopping for a second, she sucked in a deep breath to pacify her screaming side and yelled, “HICCUP!” She listened carefully, waiting to hear a reply, but nothing came.

Instantaneously, a column of flame erupted from an alley all the way down the street from where Astrid was and a sharp voice rang through the air.  _ Hiccup. _

A thousand possibilities running through her mind, Astrid began running again. Why was Hiccup yelling? Was he in trouble?  _ Stupid question, Astrid.  _ Hiccup was always in trouble. Why did he always try to take things on by himself, without the help of his friends? It only led to more trouble than was necessary. Thirty yards, twenty yards, Astrid narrowed the gap. 

_ “Face me, you coward.” _

Astrid stopped about ten feet away from the mouth of the side street and rested with her hands on her knees. Fishlegs, Snotlout and the twins came up behind her. 

“Why'd you stop?” Snotlout exclaimed. “You made me smash my nose!”

Astrid hushed him.

_ “Turn back,”  _ Hiccup commanded, his voice strong,  _ “or I'll shoot.”  _

Astrid heard grunting. The lack of a gunshot told her Excellinor had complied.

“So it's the  _ Dragon Boy.”  _ Excellinor's voice was cracked, but smooth like an amphibian's. “Come to take his medicine just like  _ Camicazi?” _

Astrid's heart dropped into her stomach. She stepped into the mouth of the alley to be met with a shocking sight. Excellinor was crouched at the end of the alley on all fours, blood freely dripping from her nose. Hiccup was standing, arms locked straight in front of him, his hands holding a gun. It was the same gun that Excellinor had pulled at the abandoned factory. With a start, Astrid realized that Excellinor hadn't been the one to reclaim the weapon. It had been Hiccup, and this was a part of his plan, why he wouldn't tell her.

“Six years ago, you killed mother,” Hiccup declared, cocking the gun. “Prepare to die.”

Had it been any other,  _ any other  _ occasion, Astrid would have laughed and called him a dork. Instead, her stomach sunk to her feet. “You don't want to do this Hiccup,” she said.

He didn't turn around to look at her. “Yes, I'm pretty sure I do. If you haven't noticed, she killed my mother!”

Astrid could hear Hiccup's teeth grounding from ten feet away. That couldn't be good for his dental work.

“You're going to pay for what you did all those years ago,” he hissed through clenched teeth. His white-knuckled grip on the gun was shaking. “Any last words?”

“Hiccup, you can't fix the past by breaking someone else,” Astrid said, almost pleading.

“It's justice!” he argued. “She's killed hundreds of people!”

“It's not justice!” Astrid argued. “Murder is murder, no matter how you sugarcoat it. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with the price of someone's blood on your hands?” If Camicazi had died because of her, Astrid didn't know if she would have been able to forgive herself. “Would Camicazi want you to do it?"

Hiccup's hands were visibly shaking, and his lips were pressed together in a tight line.

“Can't pull the trigger?” Excellinor sneered. “I always knew you were weak.” She steadied herself up against the alley wall, but somehow even in her weak state managed to look evil.

“Please, Hiccup,” Astrid begged, “for me. And Camicazi.” Slowly, she stepped up beside Hiccup and pushed his hands down. 

“Weak!” Excellinor taunted again, hacking into her hand.

Astrid was pleased to inform her, “You're under arrest.” Excellinor was so weak, it was hard to see how she could have been almost beating Hiccup twenty minutes earlier. The handcuffs were snapped on the old crone with no effective resistance, and she was pushed into the waiting custody of Snotlout. Excellinor didn't say anything as she was dragged away, but only glared, her gaze promising vengeance that she would never be able to carry out.

Astrid knelt down next to Hiccup, who had sunk to the ground. “Are you all right?” Was is a cliché question? Very, but what else could she ask?

“I almost killed her,” he whispered horrified, his face turning pale and then to a sickly shade of green as the revelation came upon him. The mad look in his eyes that he had possessed were gone. “I almost killed her.”

“But you didn't.” Astrid patted him lightly on the back, almost as if he would break. “You chose the right thing. I bet you could talk Camicazi into an ice cream for that.”

Hiccup grunted. His hand clutched his knee, and now Astrid realized that he was more beat up from the fight than she realized. He had several cuts on his face that were bleeding profusely.

“Can you stand?” she asked.

He leaned heavily on her, but as soon as pressure was set on his left knee, he cried out in pain. Astrid helped him back to the ground. “Is it broken?”

Hiccup grimaced. “No.”

Astrid rolled up his pant leg, exposing the prosthetic, and she saw the root of the problem. “Detach it.”

Hiccup detached his peg leg as ordered and Astrid gave him the evil eye. “You have been pushing yourself too far.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“You didn't go to therapy like I  _ told _ you to.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“It's infected.”

“Yes, it might be.” Hiccup sighed. “Whatever gave you that idea? They should give me a frequent visitor card at the emergency room.”

If they didn't, the morgue would give him one after Astrid killed him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**19: The Brief End**

Several things changed around New Berk City, more specifically, the police station.

First off, Camicazi returned to work as soon as she could and was met with many cheers, jibes, and a cake, which disappeared as soon as Snotlout wandered into the room, fifty minutes late for a meeting he was supposed to attend. Camicazi and Astrid even managed to cut down their evil glaring sessions on half, an improvement on morale and tempers all around. Astrid later discovered that the whole office had made bets on how long it would take them to become friends. No one had won because no one had expected them to stop hating them as much.

Hiccup had gone to the hospital and stayed there a good two weeks while a doctor tried to get the infection to go away without having to take off any more of his leg. Neither Astrid nor Camicazi heard much from him because he was catching up on some much-needed sleep. He  _ did,  _ however, tell Astrid that his brain was feeling better after the fight with Excellinor, and that was a start.

Excellinor herself had been put into the court system. Even though it would take years to get around to the actual trial, Astrid was very satisfied when a judge placed her bail at a very high amount that no one wanted to pay. Justice would come for the crimes she had committed or orchestrated, and Valka would get her “revenge.” They would cross that bridge when they came to it.

The twins, Snotlout, and Fishlegs had all decided to take more self-defense classes that had been required of them for their job to better prepare for being superheroes. Much to Astrid's chagrin, Snotlout's agility for break dancing wore off on his martial art skills although she still creamed him in the power department. 

It was during one of these self-defense classes that Hiccup decided to make a reappearance from the depths of the antibiotics. Unfortunately, he made his presence known by yelling at the top of his lungs while she was in the middle of a bout with Camicazi.

“HEY, ASTRID! THERE'S A BEE!”

Astrid wasn't scared of bees, but she still jerked away without knowing which area this supposed insect was in. This action allowed Camicazi to land a solid chop to her stomach, which Astrid was quickly to retaliate.

When the bout finished, Astrid marched over to the bleachers on the side of the gym where Hiccup was sitting, surrounded by Snotlout, the twins, and Fishlegs, who had spotted him before Astrid had.

“What was that for?” she demanded, marching up to him. “I'm going to have a bruise in the morning, and it's going to be your fault, Hiccup Haddock the Third!”

“Wow, she really doesn't know your middle name.” Camicazi smirked. “I found out ages ago when I swiped his birth certificate.”

“I know his middle name!” Ruffnut protested. “And I didn't even have to commit a federal offense to get it!”

“Oh, it wasn't a federal offense because blowing up locks is  _ your job!”  _ her twin commented.

“It's impossible,” Fishlegs jumped in, “to do that because the force-”

“Does this black eye make me look good?” Snotlout asked.

“NO!” everyone yelled.

“You're not happy to see me?” Hiccup asked with a mocking tone. “I thought after all those texts you sent me...”

“Oh, be quiet,” Astrid snarled, turning beet red. “Let's just get out of here before our instructor kicks us out for disturbing the peace.”

“Astrid, it's a self-defense gym. It's not peaceful in here.”

“It's peaceful compared to what's going to happen to you!”

Outside of the gym, the air was crisp and cold to welcome on the holiday season. Calling out excitedly that they had certainly worked hard and deserved hot chocolate, the twins ran ahead, kicking up snow and not acting very adult-like. 

Fishlegs tried to get Snotlout into a debate about kinetic energy, but the latter of the pair wasn't having it and argued with Fishlegs. This allow Camicazi the opportunity to wipe him clean of any possessions on his body – besides his clothes, of course.

“You never did tell me your middle name,” Astrid sulked.

“You never guessed,” Hiccup retorted without sympathy, “and besides, I already told you that it's  _ Horrendous.” _

“Whatever,” Astrid waved a hand. “I'll figure it out eventually, even though you don't want to tell me.”

Hiccup chortled, although Astrid had no idea why what she had said was funny, so she elbowed him, nearly upsetting his precarious balance in between his crutches, which he had been commanded by a doctor to use again.

“Hey, where's my wallet?!” Snotlout cried. “Fishlegs, you little con man! You may look sweet on the outside, but on the inside you're a thief!”

“I didn't steal anything!” Fishlegs protested.

“So, I was wondering...” Hiccup began as Snotlout began to chase poor Fishlegs down the street, completely oblivious to Camicazi, who was having a laughing attack while hugging a lamppost. 

“I dare you to lick that, Cami!” Astrid yelled.

“Over my dead Snoggletog tree, Hofferson!”

Astrid turned back to Hiccup. “Sorry.”

“It's fine.” He stopped for a second to adjust his scarf, which had been slipping. “Apparently, Gobber has been seeing a lady.”

Astrid blinked the snow out of her eyes. “What? Did I hear you wrong? I thought he was content as a bachelor.”

“No. Apparently, he's been fooling us, and now he wants me to meet Anna Marie.” Hiccup gulped.

“You're not kidding.”

“No. He's going to a fancy restaurant and everything. So I was wondering if you wanted to come along for moral support?” 

Astrid could not let this chance to tease him pass by. “You're asking me on a date?”

Hiccup's skin turned redder that Rudolf the Reindeer's nose. “No! Of course not! Why would I do a thing like that? I mean, not that you aren't attractive – in a very sincere way! Not like Snotlout thinks, but -” He looked like he wished he could just melt into a puddle and die like a snowman.

Like the good friend who had put him into his misery, Astrid put him out of it. “Relax. I was kidding. I know what you meant, and sure, I'll come along.”

Visibly, Hiccup relaxed. “Oh, good. I didn't know if I'd be able to sit there for two hours watching them make faces at each other.”

“Like you make at Astrid?” Camicazi interjected mischievously, popping in front of them.

Hiccup started sputtering again, and Astrid laughed merrily. Snoggletog was in the air, and she was surrounded by her friends, reunited after what they had gone through. She could hear the shrieks of the twins, Snotlout, and Fishlegs as they argued over what pizza. If he knew what was good for him, Hiccup was going to quit being an idiot and fully recover. What more could she ask for? As her boots crunched into the snow, she lifted her face to the sky to catch the following snow and perhaps the spirit in the air. Her laugh quickly ceased when Camicazi dropped Astrid's wallet back into her hands.

Astrid planned how to get her revenge.


	2. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The alternate ending.

Camicazi lay on the ground, staring up at the sky and bleeding profusely.

“No!” Astrid shouted, but she didn't have time to check if Camicazi was all right. She pushed herself off the ground and lunged at Excellinor. Both of them fell to the ground and Astrid wrestled with her for the gun. It went off again before Astrid threw it off the platform.

The twins, Fishlegs, and Snotlout exploded out of the tubes to assist with the man. Hiccup was leaning over Camicazi, desperately trying to stop the blood. The second of distraction was all it took for Excellinor to punch Astrid in the face and roll away. Astrid tried to follow, but just like a ghost, Excellinor disappeared.

Snotlout pinned the man down on the ground. “I need handcuffs here!”

Astrid pulled a set off her belt and tossed them to him as she ran to Camicazi and Hiccup. “Is she going to be all right?” she asked, kneeling by them.

“Right as rain,” Camicazi drawled weekly.

“We need bandages!” Hiccup started taking off his coat. “Someone call nine-one-one!”

“You're stubborn, Hiccup,” Camicazi said, coughing. “You never could give up.”

“And you're not going to give up yourself!” Astrid warned. “How could you do such a stupid thing?” Why had Camicazi risked her life for her? 

“Hiccup is liable to get himself hurt. Watch out for him,” Camicazi ordered. Her head lolled to the side.

“Hey! You're not going to die!” Astrid lightly slapped Camicazi in the face. “Don't fall asleep!”

Hiccup ripped a strip of fabric off the bottom of his shirt. “You're going to be all right,” he told Camicazi, pressing the fabric against the wound. “Just hold on.”

“Idiot.” Camicazi smiled affectionately. “Thank you, Hiccup. For everything.” Then sheclosed her eyes.

“No!” Hiccup cried. “Wake up!” He grabbed Camicazi by the shoulder and shook her. “Wake up!” Astrid pulled him away from Camicazi.

“She can't, Hiccup.” Astrid bit her lip, drawing blood. The taste of iron filled her mouth. “She's dead.”

“No, no, no, no!” Hiccup punched the ground. “She c-can't be dead. She's Camicazi. She c-can escape anything.”

“You can't escape death.”

“No!” Hiccup repeated, tears pouring freely down his cheeks. Ruffnut was also crying, and Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Tuffnut looked like they were close to.

“She c-c-c-c-c-” Hiccup couldn't finish the word. Astrid wrapped him in a hug, unsure of what to say, what to  _ do.  _ Camicazi was dead.

_ Dead. _

Berk's skies, which had for so long held back, let loose a torrent of what should have been snow, but instead was icy rain that stung Astrid's face like arrows.

_ Camicazi was dead. _

She wasn't going to sit up and laugh or steal someone's wallet again. She wasn't going to get into food fight with the twins or verbal battles with Astrid. She had died saving Astrid's life.

And the worst part of it all?

Astrid hadn't even thanked her.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**16: May the Halls of Valhalla Welcome Her**

The rain pounded into the ground, turning dry dirt into mud. Grass bent under the water's onslaught. They were poor conditions to dig a grave in, yet Camicazi's coffin was being lowered into a soupy mess six feet under. She would have liked it that way, Astrid thought, staring at her toes.

Camicazi would have liked the fact that it was storming. If she was there, she probably would have looked up at the sky and casually dared it to do its worst, or perhaps steal the very grey off of it like the thief she was.

But Camicazi couldn't do either of those things, because dirt was being shoveled on top of her, and a grave stone was chiseled out of granite, waiting to mark the final resting place of Camicazi Burglar. 

_ It should have been me,  _ Astrid thought, watching Bertha Burglar, Camicazi's mother, blow her nose loudly into an already soaking wet handkerchief. She instantly felt guilty when she caught Hiccup's gaze across the ceremony. He would have felt horrible if either one of them had died. Hiccup quickly looked away, his face unreadable. Did he blame her?

Astrid's guilt increased when she thought about Camicazi. How had she repaid her for saving her life? She had hated Camicazi's guts with a passion that would have melted metal. There was no way she could change that. She couldn't go back and make amends.

The last of the dirt was packed down.

The person in charge of the ceremony concluded it saying, “May the halls of Valhalla welcome her.” The old Viking tradition was comforting even though Valhalla didn't really exist.

Like a robot, Astrid moved to get into a line of people who were offering condolences. When it was her turn, she hesitated. How could she apologize without coming across as crass?

_ Hello, I'm the jerk your daughter died for. _

_ Nice daughter you had. I used to hate her, but I guess bygones be bygones, right? _

_ Your daughter was a pain in the neck to me until the moment she saved my life. _

Those would go over  _ really  _ well. She opened her mouth to say something – anything, really – when Bertha grabbed her hands with her two big ones.

“You must be Astrid! I've heard so much about you!” she said, half-smiling through tears.

“Really?” Astrid wanted to melt right then and there. She could only dream of what Camicazi had told her mother.

“Oh, yes. She talked about you all the time. You two must have been very close,” Bertha blubbered, dropping Astrid's hands to grab another handkerchief.

“I'm sorry that she died. I wish I was able to change it.”

Bertha swatted at her shoulder with one hand while blowing her nose with the other. “As depressing as it is, Camicazi would have loved to know she died a hero. Thank you for coming.” Bertha sounded like she really meant it.

Astrid moved on in bewilderment. She didn't really have a reason to stick around afterwards, so she slipped off to her car and drove home alone.

She spent much of the next couple of days alone, too, moping around the house in pajamas and slippers. She was going to watch a movie one night, but when she pulled out her copy of  _ The Happiest Millionaire,  _ an envelope with her name on it fell out. Curious, she slit it open with her fingernail.

Dollar bills and a note fell out. Confused, Astrid scooped them out, and shoving the bills under her arm, read the letter.

_ Astrid, _

_ (I would have put dear, but I don't think you would appreciate the sentiment.) This is the money I owe you for the rent. I bet it took you ages to find it! And don't you watch anything besides old-fashioned stuff? _

_ Sincerely not yours, _

_ Camicazi Burglar _

Astrid didn't mean to crumple the paper; it just happened, and she was on the couch, fighting to hold off angry tears she hadn't even known were in her.

Camicazi had been a better person than Astrid had thought. Oh why, why,  _ why  _ hadn't Astrid given her a chance?

_ Because of Hiccup,  _ a little voice nagged in the back of her head.  _ You let jealousy get the better of you. _

_ Be quiet!  _ Astrid snapped back, shoving the movie back where it belonged and stomping to her room. She was in no mood for it now.

…

Astrid pretty much avoided the office, staying at home to fill out paperwork. She had to write an official report on Camicazi's death at one point. Nothing exciting about that, except for the fact that both Excellinor and the murder weapon had disappeared. Astrid didn't like the idea of Excellinor running around with a weapon, especially with Hiccup not in top condition. Guilt drove her away from Hiccup. 

Her guilt might have been keeping her away from her friends, but it certainly did not keep her friends away from her. One night, Astrid was popping a bowl of popcorn when the doorbell rang. With a weary sigh, she padded to the door and opened it.

“You, Hofferson, ought to be ashamed of yourself!” Ruffnut pushed her way in without waiting for permission.

“Excuse...me?” Astrid blinked in surprise.

“You haven't shown up to work in fifteen hundred  _ days!  _ And you get onto me!” Ruffnut made herself comfortable on Astrid's couch and kicked her heels up on the coffee table, leaving Astrid still standing by the open door.

“I've been busy!” Astrid defended herself.

Ruffnut snorted. “Watching the  _ Brady Bunch  _ and eating tubs of ice cream in pajamas? Since when did Astrid Hofferson wear bunny slippers?”

“Uh...” Since when had Ruffnut become her boss?

“Quit!”

“I'd say the same thing to you!” Astrid snapped. “You're getting scuff marks all over my coffee table. And you're one to talk! Since when did Ruffnut Thorsen wear 'Kindergarten Rocks!' t-shirts?”

Ruffnut glanced down at her snarky apparel (which included jeans with paintball marks all over them) and quipped, “Since kindergarten.”

Astrid huffed and went to get her popcorn out the microwave.

“You're not off the hook!” Ruffnut called after her.

“Off the hook for what, exactly?” Astrid ripped the hot bag open and dumped its fluffy white contents into a bowl.

“You're feeling guilty,” Ruffnut said.

“Who wouldn't?” Astrid countered.

“Hiccup's feeling guilty.”

“What's your point?” Astrid sat down on the other end of the couch with her bowl and curled up.

“This may sound harsh, but Camicazi made her choice. Are you going to just sit there like a mopey teenager, or are you going to get up and do something to make her sacrifice worth it? Are you a Viking, or are you a wimp?”

Astrid scowled at the jab at her pride. “Since when did  _ you  _ become so mature?”

“Since two minutes ago. Hey! You should  _ really  _ try dipping the popcorn into tomato juice. It improves the taste.”

“Hands off!” Astrid moved her bowl away from Ruffnut.

“So are you coming to work or not? We need someone to bail us out of trouble. Stoick's already called us to his office three times!” Ruffnut sounded rather proud of this.

“Fine,” Astrid muttered. 

“And while you're at it, could you talk to Hiccup?”

“I don't think he wants to talk to me.” And why would he? She had practically killed his best friend because she had froze in a tough situation!

“Oh, I definitely thinks he wants to talk to you!” Ruffnut began scraping dried mud off her boots and onto Astrid's floor. “He's been moping around  _ his  _ house for the past couple of days in  _ his  _ pajamas, and Snotlout isn't having my luck.”

“Quit doing that!” Astrid snatched away the letter opener Ruffnut was using on her boots.

Ruffnut pouted and crossed her arms. “Are you going to talk to Hiccup or not? And if you are, can I have your popcorn?”

“NO!”

Astrid ended up kicking Ruffnut out of the house, threatening to box her ears into the next year. She dawdled around for a couple of minutes, straightening up the house, vacuuming, and brushing her teeth. Then, steeling her nerves, she faced the music and drove to Hiccup's house.

The lights were off when she expertly cruised into the driveway, and she almost thought about turning around and heading home. She finally made it the front door, and before she could change her mind, she rang the doorbell.

Silence reigned the night. Getting cold, Astrid on the door with her knuckles. There was still not answer. Finally, getting over her reluctance, she slammed on the door with the flat of her palm.

“I know you're in there, Hiccup Haddock, so don't you dare try to pretend you're not!” If he didn't answer, she was seriously considering breaking open the door, just to make sure that he was okay.

An eternity later, Astrid heard things crashing around inside, and the door opened a crack. Hiccup peered out, his hair messy and clothes askew. His leg was missing, and a trail of items on the floor indicated he'd tripped over half the place trying to get to the door. 

“Hi,” he said, his voice scratchy. He didn't meet her eyes.

“Hi. Could I talk to you for a moment?” Astrid asked.

“That's what we're doing, aren't we?” Hiccup leaned up heavily against the door frame, almost losing his balance. Astrid moved to help him, but he brushed her away. 

“Quit-” Astrid took a deep breath. She wasn't there to get onto Hiccup. “I came here to apologize.”

Hiccup didn't do anything, and Astrid took that as a sign to continue. “My stupidity killed Camicazi. I should have been more alert and paid more attention and  _ moved.  _ I'm sorry, Hiccup. I know she was your best friend. Will you please forgive me?” She sucked in a big breath.

“You...think I'm mad at you?” Hiccup sounded surprised.

“Aren't you?”

“No.” Hiccup sighed. “I'm not mad at you. Why would you think that?”

“I killed Camicazi!” How could he not see it? 

“If anybody killed her, it was me,” Hiccup said miserably. “I didn't do anything!”

“But-”

“I stood there like an idiot, just like six years ago, and another person died because of it.”

“You didn't have much of a choice!” Astrid retorted, crossing her arms. “You couldn't have very well given the formula to Excellinor!”

“That guy had you held by the neck! Remember the night my house got ransacked? I thought there was a second person involved, and that must have been him. So it's my fault for forgetting about him! I didn't even prepare that well!” Hiccup's voice rose as he went on.

“It's my fault for not being able to get rid of him!” Astrid yelled right on back. “And are you even thinking about Camicazi?”

“Huh? Of course I'm thinking about her!”

“No, you're not, because Camicazi wouldn't have wanted you to mope around your house for days in your pajamas,” Astrid pointed out. “She would have wanted you to go on with life and live!”

“She would have wanted to live!” Hiccup grumbled. 

“But she isn't, and there isn't much we can do about it.” Astrid wasn't trying to be harsh; she bit her tongue at her own words until she could taste blood. It was just the truth. “So are you going to stay in your house for the rest of your life or sit around and mope?”

“Sit around and mope,” Hiccup mumbled, seeming to melt back into the shadows.

Well, Astrid wasn't going to let him. “You can do that, or you can make Camicazi proud.”

Hiccup stiffened at the words. Astrid could see that she had struck a raw nerve.

“She'd call you a jellyfish in a skirt if she saw you right now,” Astrid continued. “Right after stealing your wallet.”

Hiccup gave her a weak grin, the mental cogs of his mind almost visibly turning.

“So are you coming with me to the office or not?” Astrid asked. “We have work to get done.”

Hiccup coughed into his fist. “Fine. Give me a second to get my crutch and leg. By the way, you might want to change out of your pajamas first, Astrid. Nice bunny slippers.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**17: An Issued Challenge**

_ Oh, she hates him, with every cell in her decaying body. She hates him! Everything was supposed to go so well! The runt was to be dead along with the blonde, she would have the formula, and revenge would be filled! She would rule the world and accomplish everything her wimp of a son had failed at doing. The thief had ruined everything with her  _ self-sacrifice.  _ While others might have whispered the word in respect and awe, Excellinor spat and cursed it. The anger that should have been fulfilled only built up to a new raging crescendo, and Excellinor knew that Hiccup Haddock the Third would have to die by her claws at the mercy of her power. _

Watch and wait, Excellinor,  _ she told herself,  _ watch and wait. He will show.  _ And if he didn't, she would hunt him down the corners of the earth and quench her thirst for revenge. _

…

_ He hadn't known he could feel so. He wasn't normally inclined to anger, but now he was smoking mad. Excellinor had taken away one of his best friends. Hurt was building up inside of him like a wire under tension, ready to snap. On the way home, he scoops up something he knows investigators will look for; they will not find their goal. _

_ He will use it. _

_ He will avenge the one who just died and the one who died for him years ago. _

_ He will feel complete. _

…

“So what are you going to do about Excellinor?” Astrid asked as she and Hiccup strolled through the park.

“I don't know,” Hiccup muttered, rubbing his chin. He had completely ditched his crutch. Astrid didn't think that was wise, considering that she could count the number of times he'd been to physical therapy on one hand  _ and  _ have some left over, but if she asked, he would get all up tight.

“Ambushing her won't work again. Not that did in the first place, even if we did catch her goon.” Astrid rubbed her neck where the scab from the knife was slowly starting to heal.

“No.”

“I don't suppose...” Astrid trailed off, forgetting where she was going, and kicked a muddy pine cone across the paved walk way. “We could...”

“Nothing time consuming.” Hiccup sighed, the motion having more weight than normal. “We don't want her running around.”

“With a gun,” Astrid agreed.

Hiccup's lips pursed together, and was it just Astrid's imagination, or did his eyes get harder? “Yes, with a gun.”

“We've got to think of something,” Astrid bemoaned. “Something that doesn't have the twins input smacked all over it.”

They walked in silence for a couple of moments until Hiccup suddenly stopped. “Cami's mom called me and said to tell you that she'll be coming by for Cami's stuff sometime.”

“Oh.” Astrid was secretly relieved that she wouldn't have to deal with Camicazi's stuff. She didn't know if she'd be able to go through it, not have knowing her that well. “How's your head?”

Hiccup frowned. “Bad. Really bad. I ate a raw fish last night.”

“Whole?” Astrid was almost shocked.

“No. In halves.” Hiccup chewed his lip in agony.

“It's only because Excellinor rattled you,” Astrid assured him. “It'll get better.” At least, she thought.

“I hope so. Talk to you later?” Hiccup asked. They had reached the parking lot.

“Yeah. Sure.” Astrid gave Hiccup a little half wave as he hobbled away, lonely and sad as he scrunched up in his coat.

…

Camicazi's desk was left empty in memorandum, the paperclips, the photos, and the jar of pennies that Astrid hadn't realized existed before sitting there to commemorate Camicazi's work life. Astrid couldn't have felt more depressed staring at it. It was a nice gesture for everyone else, but to Astrid it was a reminder of Camicazi's eyes closing for the final time.

Hiccup didn't get much work done, as far as Astrid could tell. He sat at his desk (forgoing  _ more  _ therapy sessions!) and stared off into space. His pens were looking about in as good conditions as Astrid's wastebasket full of chewed up pencils, which was bad, considering that the rest of his desk was always as clean as a pin.

Astrid was busy chewing her own pencil and tapping her foot against the floor when Hiccup marched over to her and slammed a fist down on her table.

“Uh, hi?” Astrid casually asked, twirling her pencil around her thumb. In actuality, she knew that he needed to talk to someone and had been about ready to go drag him out to go get coffee.

“I know what to do.” Hiccup stared her straight in the eyes. He didn't look like he had gotten much more sleep, if any at all.

“What?” she asked eagerly. 

“You'd kill me if I told you,” he said gravely. “But you'll find out after it happens.”

“You've got to be kidding me.” Astrid glowered at him, cheeks flushing. “We do things together, Hiccup.” Astrid now slammed  _ her  _ fish on her desk. “We made a deal.”

“You're cute when you get mad.”

Astrid's mouth worked wordlessly. How could Hiccup be so  _ idiosyncratic?  _ “Don't you  _ dare  _ try to change the subject, Hiccup Haddock the Third! You're nuts! You can't deal with someone like Excellinor on your own! Don't you remember? She can turn into a dragon, too!”

“I'm not letting you get hurt again,” Hiccup said stubbornly.

“I'll go to your dad,” Astrid threatened. “I'll get Snotlout to do something.”

“Go ahead. We're all stubborn Vikings around here.”

Astrid clenched her fist, anger rising at every stupid sentence that came out of Hiccup's mouth. “Did you not hear me? This conversation is feeling very one sided.  _ Excellinor has a gun!  _ Why'd you come over here to tell me if I can't help you? _ ” _

“I hear you, Astrid.”

“Oh, yeah?” She snorted. “Well, you're sure not listening!” She slammed her computer shut, done with him. She grabbed and item from her desk drawer and shoved everything into her messenger bag. She brushed past him roughly, and on the way, landed a punch on his shoulder. “That was for being block-headed!” she yelled over her shoulder as she marched out the door.

“Astrid, wait!” Hiccup called after her.

“I can't hear you!” she proclaimed testily as she exited. She did not look back.

It was wrong and possibly illegal. Astrid probably shouldn't have done it, but when she bumped into Hiccup, she had slipped a tracking device into his pocket. Hiccup had actually made the thing for her while he was in the hospital, and now she was using it against him. He was a complete moron if he though that she was going to let him face anything on his own.

_ He deserves it,  _ Astrid decided, opening up the connected app on her phone. She was at her own house now, but the second Hiccup left his, she would be trailing his back like a tick. A very annoying tick. How hard could it be to track a one-legged red head?

Apparently, it was very hard. 

First off, Hiccup didn't use his crutch. Second off, with his fingerless gloves, ratty coat, and limp, Hiccup could have passed off for any other homeless guy. Third off, he wore a hat so his hair wasn't visible.

Astrid ground her teeth in frustration, trying to navigate the app and keep track of hiccup with bulky gloves on. She was beginning to see why Hiccup liked his fingerless gloves. Between them, the wool scarf, AND her parka, she was about as mobile as a walrus on anesthesia. 

She had to push her way through the crows on the street's sidewalk, yelling “Sorry!” and “Excuse me!” at the people she elbowed past. Then the worst possible thing happened: Her phone flashed a five second warning and then promptly died.

“You can't quit on me, you dumb electronic!” Astrid yelled at it.

“Free sample, Miss?” A clerk standing in front of a beauty salon store stepped in front of her and held something out.

“I'll give you a sample,” Astrid snarled, not trying to be mean, only in too much of a hurry to bother with politeness or check the product out. The distraction was all it took for her to lose sight of Hiccup. “Now look at what you've done!” she groaned and took off again. Why did all the crowds have to be out in the streets when she was searching for someone? It was dinner time! They should have been at home, eating!

_ Where was Hiccup? _

Astrid got her answer, and it did not please her one iota.

A large, bat-like shape rose above the skyline of New Berk City, except Astrid knew it wasn't a bat. It was the Night Fury.

Hiccup had finally changed, and he could fly! The injury to his leg didn't affect a thing, and he somersaulted through the clouds and roared joyfully.

_ No _ , Astrid realized with alarm,  _ not joyfully.  _ He was issuing a challenge to Excellinor.

Astrid turned to a woman next to her on the sidewalk. “Give me your cellphone.  _ Now!”  _ Astrid's tone was so authoritative that the woman didn't hesitate. Astrid dialed the whole gang, barked a cryptic message along the lines of “Get your sorry excuses for Vikings down here!”, and stared helplessly at the sky, searching for any sign of Excellinor. What had possessed Hiccup to try to take her down alone and without Astrid?

The Night Fury roared again, drawing a crowded of people who gawked at the spectacle. The Night Fury hovered in the air for a second, and it looked as if his challenge would go unmet.

“Look, Mommy!” a little girl cried from Astrid's left. “A dragon!”

“Yes, Emily, I see,” her mom said. “It's black, isn't it?”

“No, Mommy! It's white!” Emily exclaimed.

Astrid's head snapped around, her eyes frantically searching for the white dragon Emily saw. They landed on a ragged white shape twice the size of the Night Fury that arose from the skyline like Hiccup had.

…

_ Oh, how long she had waited for the call, the challenge, the  _ summon.  _ She could not have stopped herself if she had known what was coming beforehand: _

_ The hot rage rushed to her head, and the instinct to go  _ wild  _ pulsated through her mind. She shed what had once been the sickly body of Excellinor and exchanged it for power, might, and carnage. She was the White Death. Excellinor was temporarily gone, but her mission didn't dissolve into nothing like her consciousness had. _

_ No matter what happened, the black dragon had to die. _

…

Unknowingly, Astrid dubbed the white dragon what the white dragon had dubbed itself: the White Death. It was a perfect fit. The dragon arose in the air like a corpse. It might have been pure white, but even from her place on the ground, Astrid could smell death on it.

It opened its jaws, displaying black teeth and a blood red mouth, and roared back at the Night Fury. The Red Death might have been twice the Red Death's size, but there was no doubt that it could beat Hiccup, and it seemed to know that. It took its time gliding around Hiccup like a hawk that had cornered its prey, occasionally flapping its white wisps of wings.

Delaying it was cruel, Astrid decided, clenching her fists. If only she had wings! “Oh, Hiccup!” she berated him, even though he couldn't hear her from his altitude. Her nails dug into her palms, and Astrid bit her lip. The two dragons circled each other warily, neither willing to make the first move, reminding Astrid of the staring contests that she used to have with her father.

Finally, the White Death caved in and dove through the air at the Night Fury, long talons outstretched like a wolf closing in on its kill. The Night Fury waited for her, and at the last second dove to the side, his claws flashing. The two scratched at each other, and the battle began.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**18: Revenge or Not to Revenge**

Chills spread through Astrid's bones, and it had nothing to do with the weather that was already cutting into her shoulders. Dragons not being a common thing since the past year in New Berk City, Astrid had not seen many reptilian fights in her life. When the the Night Fury and the Red Death had been fighting, she had been busy trying to defend herself against a crowd of goons. Now, there was nothing to distract her, and it drove her insane.

“Are we too late? What's going on?” Ruffnut ran up beside Astrid; Tuffnut, Snotlout, and Fishlegs were at her heels.

“Moldy Midgard!” Tuffnut exclaimed. “He can't fight her!”

It was true. The only advantage the Night Fury had over the White Death was his speed. It took the bigger dragon twice as long to do anything. Astrid winced as the black dragon almost had his tail bitten off.

Police sirens wailed through the air, and police cars arrived at the scene, parking haphazardly. No one really cared; they were all watching the ongoing fight, and – in true Viking style – cheering for their resident superhero, the Night Fury.

“STOP YOUR FIGHT. I REPEAT, STOP YOUR FIGHT.” A captain Astrid didn't recognize efficiently plugged in a megaphone and started shouting at the stop of his lungs.

_ What good was that going to do?  _ Astrid wondered. It was like asking Snotlout to stop buying hair gel or asking the twins not blow anything up for twenty-four hours!

“That's it! Whoop the white thingy!” a man twenty feet away from the group yelled as the Night Fury swatted the other dragon across the snout, narrowly missing a return stroke. No blood had yet to be drawn, but the spectators were certainly cheering for it. Didn't they know that it wasn't a game? 

“Cuz has got a fan club,” Snotlout snickered. 

“He's not going to win!” Fishlegs wailed, pulling out his phone calculator. “That dragon is twice his mass, and the velocity of the-”

“Oh!” Astrid sucked in a breath, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She could have been up there, ravaging the White Death. She has strong! The only problem? She didn't have wings. She would have to work on that...

Making an unexpected move, the White Death raked a talon across the Night Fury's flank. The two dragons separated, the White Death roaring in triumph, and the Night Fury roaring in pain.

“Where are fireworks when we need them?” Ruffnut moaned, tearing hands through her hair and thoroughly tangling the blonde mess.

Astrid wholeheartedly agreed with her crazy friend for once. Fireworks would surely make a dent in the big dragon, if not help end the scrimmage. In the sky, finesse was thrown to the wind, and the two dragons full out brawled. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Astrid's head. “Fireworks! Tuffnut, where can one hypothetically buy the biggest fireworks on Berk?”

A few seconds later, her arms were yanked out of their sockets as the twins took off running down the streets. “Oh, your going to love Uncle Tony!” Ruffnut chattered, to Astrid seemingly oblivious to the pressing time schedule. “He's the best thing since... sliced bread! Roman candles!”

The twins pulled her around several corners, distorting her sense of direction, lassoed her around in front of them, and pushed her into a shady-looking shop she didn't have the time to catch the name of. The building was very dusty and dark; Astrid couldn't see very much, and that was probably on purpose. Snotlout and Fishlegs stayed outside.

“Uncle Tony!” Ruffnut sang. “We have a customer for you!”

A door behind a dusty counter opened and a large man in a wife beater and baggy sweats stepped up to the counter. “Ruffnut! Tuffnut! How are Uncle Tony's two favorite customers doing?” He dramatically rolled his r's.

“Fine as frogs' hair,” Ruffnut answered, leaning up against the counter and giving “Uncle Tony” a big, but genuine, smile. “We need the biggest thing you've got.”

Tony rubbed his shin, which possessed a five o'clock shadow. Or maybe it was actually the shadows of the shop, because it was kind of hard to tell. “Uncle Tony not sure he should give it two you. Have they been good?” he addressed Astrid.

“VERY!” Astrid checked her watch. How much time had passed? 

“Uncle Tony-” 

“Uncle Tony better get it fast or he will face the wrath of a HOFFERSON!” Astrid hissed, showing him her knuckled. Normally, she wouldn't have threatened a civilian, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Faster than you could have said, “Red leather, yellow leather”, four boxes of the most gargantuan (and most illegal) boxes of fireworks were in front of them on the counter.

“Free of charge!” Uncle Tony swallowed nervously.

“Thanks!” Tuffnut snatched the box, and they were back out on the street again, swooping buy Snotlout and Fishlegs.

Astrid shielded her eyes as she ran, nearly stopping in relief when she saw that they were still fighting and the Night Fury hadn't been done away with. The only downside was that thick, hot drops of blood were dropping from both dragons, and Astrid couldn't see who was bleeding more. She hoped it wasn't the Night Fury.

“Set them up in clear range!” Astrid barked when they got closer to the continuing fight. “I hope your aim is good, because if you hit Hiccup I will see you  _ fired!” _

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Fishlegs asked.

“Help them with the angles and whatnot. You're good with that kind of stuff.” Astrid turned to Snotlout. “Keep people away from here. Break dance or something. I don't care what you do as long as we don't get arrested.”

“I love this plan! I'll take care of this!” 

Astrid stood, mildly fascinated by the fact that Snotlout could, in fact, break dance, and he was pretty good at it. Too bad there was no one around to see it yet.

“Have you got it set up yet?” she asked the firework crew, tearing her eyes away from Snotlout.

“Almost,” Tuffnut grunted.

“A little to the left,” Fishlegs advised. “The Coriolis Effect dictates-”

“I don't care,” Ruffnut said, moving the object in question to the left. “You don't use that junk when you graduate from high school. In fact, you use the education you get for free in elementary and middle school  _ more  _ than the education you pay big bucks for in college! It's all a scam to force young adults to -”

“WOULD YOU STOP THAT?” Astrid roared. “I don't want to hear about it! Are you almost done?” She took another peek at the sky. The White Death and the Night Fury had been climbing higher and higher, but now they were spiraling back down to the ground.

“You need to time it perfectly to where it hits her, but not Hiccup.” 

“Re- _ lax,  _ Astrid,” Tuffnut huffed. “What do you think we do at work all day, mess around?”

“Yes!” Astrid hated how the fight was going. Now that the dragons were closer, she could see that the white dragon was beating the Night Fury. “COME ON, YOU IDIOT!” Astrid screamed at the sky, hoping he could hear her. “You beat Alvin! She should be a piece of cake!”

As if he could hear here (and who wouldn't, with that volume?), the Night Fury shot a blast of purple fire at the White Death's chest, doing a fair bit of damage and separating him from it. It was just the chance the twins needed; they took aim,fired, and ran for the hills.

The result was glorious. Streaks of purple and red shot into the sky and barreled into the White Death's wings.

“Yes!” The twins slapped high fives as the white dragon tried to flap its wings and failed miserably. The Night Fury circled above it, blasting it almost angrily. The White Death's wings finally gave out and it began to plummet to the ground.

“Why isn't he finishing her off?” Snotlout asked, finishing his show. Too bad nobody had showed up to watch him.

“I don't know!” The Night Fury was being awfully slow. Instead of rushing her and pinning her to the ground, he was forcing her lower and lower until they were below the tops of New Berk City's skyscrapers.

“Why is he doing? Come on!” Astrid took off running, and the gang followed her, abandoning the firework shooter. Why wasn't Hiccup forcing the White Death their way? She didn't know the pinpoint location of the two dragons were, but she took off in the general direction. How hard could it be to miss a couple of fire-breathing lizards?

Stopping for a second, she sucked in a deep breath to pacify her screaming side and yelled, “HICCUP!” She listened carefully, waiting to hear a reply, but nothing came.

Instantaneously, a column of flame erupted from an alley all the way down the street from where Astrid was and a sharp voice rang through the air.  _ Hiccup. _

A thousand possibilities running through her mind, Astrid began running again. Why was Hiccup yelling? Was he in trouble?  _ Stupid question, Astrid.  _ Hiccup was always in trouble. Why did he always try to take things on by himself, without the help of his friends? It only led to more trouble than was necessary. Thirty yards, twenty yards, Astrid narrowed the gap. 

_ “Face me, you coward.” _

Astrid stopped about ten feet away from the mouth of the side street and rested with her hands on her knees. Fishlegs, Snotlout and the twins came up behind her. 

“Why'd you stop?” Snotlout exclaimed. 

Astrid hushed him.

_ “Turn back,”  _ Hiccup commanded, his voice strong,  _ “or I'll shoot.”  _

Astrid heard grunting. The lack of a gunshot told her Excellinor had complied.

“So it's the  _ Dragon Boy.”  _ Excellinor's voice was cracked, but smooth like an amphibian's. “Come to take his medicine just like  _ Camicazi?” _

Astrid's heart dropped into her stomach. She stepped into the mouth of the alley to be met with a shocking sight. Excellinor was crouched at the end of the alley on all fours, blood freely dripping from her nose. Hiccup was standing, arms locked straight in front of him, his hands holding a gun. It was the same gun that Excellinor had pulled at the abandoned factory. With a start, Astrid realized that Excellinor hadn't been the one to reclaim the weapon. It had been Hiccup, and this was a part of his plan, why he wouldn't tell her.

“Six years ago, you killed mother,” Hiccup declared, cocking the gun. “Prepare to die.”

Had it been any other,  _ any other  _ occasion, Astrid would have laughed and called him a dork. Instead, her stomach sunk to her feet. “You don't want to do this Hiccup,” she said.

He didn't turn around to look at her. “Yes, I'm pretty sure I do. If you haven't noticed, she killed my mother!”

Excellinor looked pleased with herself. “Don't forget Camicazi, runt.”

Astrid could hear Hiccup's teeth grounding from ten feet away.

“You're going to pay,” he hissed through clenched teeth. His white-knuckled grip on the gun was shaking. “Any last words?”

“Hiccup, you can't fix the past by breaking someone else,” Astrid said, almost pleading.

“It's justice!” he argued. “She's killed hundreds of people!”

“It's not justice!” Astrid argued. “Murder is murder, no matter how you sugarcoat it. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with the price of someone's blood on your hands?” Astrid did herself. If she closed her eyes tight, she could still see Camicazi lying prone on the ground because of her.

Hiccup's hands were visibly shaking and his lips were pressed together in a tight line.

“Can't pull the trigger?” Excellinor sneered. “I always knew you were weak.” She steadied herself up against the alley wall, but somehow even in her weak state managed to look evil.

“Please, Hiccup,” Astrid begged, “for me.” Slowly, she stepped up beside Hiccup and pushed his hands down. She was met with no resistance.

“Weak!” Excellinor taunted again, hacking into her hand.

Astrid was pleased to inform her, “You're under arrest.” Excellinor was so weak, it was hard to see how she could have been almost beating Hiccup twenty minutes earlier. The handcuffs were snapped on the old crone with no effective resistance, and she was pushed into the waiting custody of Snotlout. Excellinor didn't say anything as she was dragged away, but only glared, her gaze promising vengeance that she would never be able to carry out.

Astrid knelt down next to Hiccup, who had sunk to the ground. “Are you all right?” Was is a cliché question? Very, but what else could she ask?

“I almost killed her,” he whispered horrified, his face turning pale and then to a sickly shade of green as the revelation came upon him. The mad look in his eyes that he had possessed were gone. “I almost killed her.”

“But you didn't.” Astrid patted him lightly on the back, almost as if he would break. “You chose the right thing.”

Hiccup grunted. His hand clutched his knee, and now Astrid realized that he was more beat up from the fight than she realized. He had several cuts on his face that were bleeding profusely.

“Can you stand?” she asked.

He leaned heavily on her, but as soon as pressure was set on his left knee, he cried out in pain. Astrid helped him back to the ground. “Is it broken?”

Hiccup grimaced. “No.”

Astrid rolled up his pant leg, exposing the prosthetic, and she saw the root of the problem. “Detach it.”

Hiccup detached his peg leg as ordered and Astrid gave him the evil eye. “You have been pushing yourself too far.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“You didn't go to therapy like I  _ told _ you to.”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“It's infected.”

“Yes, it might be.” Hiccup sighed. “Whatever gave you that idea? They should give me a frequent visitor card at the emergency room.”

If they didn't, the morgue would give him one after Astrid killed him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**19: Cleaning Up the Dust**

It seemed forever for things to get back to normal, but in actuality, the cogs of the world were up and running again. Astrid didn't admit it to anyone, but she occasionally missed Camicazi's pranks and her cheerfulness. Occasionally. She didn't know whether or not she wanted someone to take over Camicazi's old desk so she wouldn't have to see it sitting empty or not.

Because of his self-induced illness, Hiccup did not show up for work for those two weeks, probably because he was having antibiotics pumped into him like a water-run mill.

“Serves him right,” Astrid fumed one day as she worked. “That's what he gets for not listening to me.” It was only when Fishlegs came to fix her computer did Astrid even realize the date.

“Merry Snoggletog Eve!” he greeted her, enthusiastic as always.

Astrid blinked at her desktop calendar. Surely it couldn't be that late. It was.

“What are you going to do on your day off tomorrow?” Fishlegs asked, clicking into weird text boxes on her computer screen.

Astrid tried to pretend like she had remembered that she had tomorrow off. “My mother is going to call and demand that I spend Christmas with her like she does every year – more leftovers!”

“Oh, that's great! All done,” he announced. “Personally, I can't wait until New Year's. All of the computers are getting new software, and then I'll be able to fix your computer by remote access.”

While Astrid couldn't share his love of computers, she wasn't heartless. “That's great. Merry Snoggletog!”

Fishlegs beamed. “Merry Snoggletog!” Someone yelled from the break room about a coffee pot that created pureed beans, and Fishlegs bustled off to help.

As Astrid was leaving the office later, Snotlout called after her. “Hey, Astrid! Want to buy me a coffee?”

“Over my dead body!” she yelled back, turning around so he would be  _ sure  _ to hear her. In doing so, she didn't see where she was going and crashed into a person, sending him or her to the floor.

“Oh! I'm so sorry!” was her first reaction before she realized that it was Hiccup. Her second reaction was “You idiot!”

“Ow, ow, ow,” Hiccup moaned. “I just got out of the hospital, Astrid. Why are you trying to put me back in it?”

“I didn't. It was Snotlout. Hey, Snotlout, look what you made me do!” 

She could hear Snotlout's grumbling and whining from twenty yards away. Since Hiccup looked pretty pitiful on the floor, she helped him back to his feet, dusted him off, and propped his crutches up underneath him.

“You know,” Hiccup complained, “I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

Astrid snorted. “Yeah, right. And I'm the chief of police.”

“Shh!” Hiccup hissed. “Don't tell Stoick. He'll be out of a job.” Astrid elbowed him.

“Ooooh!” Snotlout's voice drifted to them from where he was skulking by a soda machine. “Love in the lobby!”

“Snotlout!” Hiccup loudly hissed back. “Would you please?”

Like the responsible adult she pretended to be who  _ didn't  _ stay up until four the morning reading crime show fanfictions, Astrid ignored Snotlout. “What are you doing here? Don't you have tomorrow off, too?”

“Yes.” Hiccup straightened his jacket. “I came to see you.”

“An advance!” Snotlout cooed, jamming an arm up the soda machine's dispensing compartment. “How sweet!”

“SNOTLOUT!” Astrid and Hiccup yelled at the same time. “Stay out of it!”

As they exited the  _ rather crowded  _ office building, Hiccup stuttered for a bit, trying to recollect his thoughts. “I came to see you,” he finally managed, then clarified. “To thank you. For what you did. Talking me out of it, I mean. My head has felt much better.”

“Well, I was either that or arrest you,” Astrid replied cheerfully. “Glad to be of service.”

“Too much paperwork, right?” Hiccup remarked wryly. 

Astrid nodded sagely. “Twelve sheets. All for a dog getting stuck in the mayor's window.”

“I don't want to know how the dog got stuck there.”

Astrid sidestepped one of the decorative Snoggletog trees that had been set up around town. “I'm pretty sure the twins were involved, but there's nothing to confirm it.”

“They're expanding their horizons for explosions.” After a few minutes of comfortable silence strolling down the wintery sidewalk and slipping on snow, Hiccup cleared his throat. “Um. I was wondering.”

“Yes?” Astrid prodded. He hadn't even gotten the words out, and he was already as red as a Snoggletog beet. 

“Gobber's met a woman – Anna Marie is her name – and he's taking her to dinner tonight,except he wants me to come along and meet her because I'm like his godson or some other relation, and I really don't want to sit there for two and a half hours watching them stare into each other's eyes, so would you please, please, please come with me?”

“Oh.” At first, Astrid was taken back. “Gobber has a girl? I thought he was all set to be a bachelor for life.”

“So did I,” Hiccup said miserably. “So did I.”

“Sure. I'll go for moral support. But it had better not be the burger joint down the street, eh?” she poked him in the arm.

“No,” he was quick to assure her. “He went all out for his sweet Anna Marie.”

“Good. So what time-” Her question was cut off when Hiccup unexpectedly shoved something wet and cold down the neck of her coat one handedly. A snowball.

“That's cold!” she squealed. “Hiccup!”

“Got you!” he crowed.

“That was pretty tricky of you – for a boy, of course! There will be consequences!” she warned. Sharing in Camicazi's line together. They would remember her and move on.

But for now, Astrid had to get her revenge for the puddle of cold dripping down her back.


End file.
